Sunday, March 5, 2017

Kawiddit

For all my ramblings over the years about how I would just like to be left alone, when I actually am left alone, I am rather confused. I basically spent the week alone, since my wife up and went to Kansas last Monday. It left me with a lot of time to think and not so much time to do it since I was planning my vacation to the Caribbean and somehow had to get from New Hampshire to Miami, then from the airport to the seaport, by myself. This doesn’t mean I am an invalid by any stretch of the imagination, but this was the first time in an awfully long time that I had to go from point A to point B with nobody waiting for me, with me, or joining me at any step of the trip. Seems pretty infantile, but I am forty seven today, and that was how I spent the last day of forty six.

Interesting times let me tell you, as I got to Manchester airport way too early. This is one of the things I do when left to my own devices, I get places way too early. I sat in the terminal for three hours wondering how long the battery on my tablet would last, since I will be watching a LOT of videos. The plane was on time, and despite purchasing the very last ticket for it, I was seated at a window instead of between two fat smelly people with space issues, which I expected. Of course the plane was small and you either got a window or an isle the whole way down. The front of the plane you got both. It was an easy flight and for that I appreciate it. When we landed at LaGuardia, I was like one of the elder statesmen, since I had flown into LaGuardia dozens of times as a child. People still are never ready for a very short landing strip and the sudden stop at the end.

Shockingly here I had another three hours to wait in an airport, and of course this one being in New York City and not Manchester New Hampshire, the character quota went through the roof. It’s like being in a Wal-Mart when all you have ever known is a Target. Being a non drinker I attracted all of the people who are shitfaced drunk at 8:30 am. I always say it is like someone allergic to cats, that always attract cats. You’d be surprised how many drunks there are at a New York City airport. Many of them were very attractive (even with the red wine stained teeth) and very young women. Needless to say the joke about waking up next to someone screaming works the other way around too, and that has kept me away from many a drunk woman, so that wasn’t a problem. The problem was that at least two of these women decided that I was their new companion. I found a deserted hallway between terminal C and terminal D to watch my downloaded episode of “Web of Lies” in peace, and didn’t see either of those two again until despite my window seat on the next flight guess who was in the two seats next to me? Ugh!

Noise cancelling head phones are a God send, especially when you are trying to watch your downloaded episode of “Arrow” and the smelly drunk girl next to you also snores like a smelly drunk girl. On a brighter note every time her head fell on my shoulder she wasn’t one of those drunks that will give you a black eye when she flails around so I let her have me as a pillow some of the time. The rest of the time I did have to use my new favorite word “Kawiddit!” Thank God I didn’t need to get up to pee, because I’m sure it would have caused a sky marshall style incident. The flight was also mercifully a half hour early, and my luggage was off the conveyor before my new friend even made it down to the conveyor. The uber driver showed up the second I walked outside the terminal, and I was on the MSC Divina before the time that my flight was even supposed to land. I breezed through the terminal, and found myself on the gaudiest, sparkliest, ship I had ever seen, in real life or in pictures, but that is ok. There is no place I would rather be right now.