That famous line from the Cheech and Chong Classic “Sister Maria Elephont” runs through my mind as I sit here in the coffee bar typing away on my tablet rather than doing something vacation like or fun, or dare I say less normal than the normal me. It’s 11:30 on my birthday and a good example of how my day has gone is written on the face of my Samsung Fit. 68 Floors, 17,799 steps, 1954 calories burned. Yesterday when I went to bed the watch read 116 floors, 38,567 steps, 3001 calories burned. This after spending almost the entire day on airplanes and at airports. I guess I know why I lose weight on cruises. I already infiltrated all of the things I shouldn’t have on the very first night and that took me a few days on the last cruise. Now I need to settle in between the normal Jeremy and the vacation Jeremy.
Last night I already accidentally ended up in the private decks that are reserved for the high rollers. This is because a charming elderly couple who I met at LaGuardia who were really impressed at how well I dealt with drunk people (technically how calm and soothing I can be to them, including their son and his girlfriend, because I speak fluent drunken moron) thought I should hang out with them for a while in the Captains Club. For the record the coffee is better at the Gelato Bar I am sitting at right now. The American Lavazza has a nice bitter foam on it, but I digress. I then on my way back after giving a maid a lecture that I cleaned enough toilets as a janitor to earn the right to NOT be called sir, ended up learning the way to the staff deck where they all smoke the really good cigars that only the people who lived in Honduras know about. Well those that lived in Honduras, myself and a Canadian friend I made last night.
Now as I have eluded to I am sitting in a Gelato bar drinking a 5$ cup of coffee, the size of a thimble, and tapping away on a tablet. Don’t worry about my financials because my unlimited drink package covers these things as well as Gelato if I should want some of that later. They are both yummy actually. Of course the question now is what to do next? There isn’t any tanning going on today as I hoped because it is cloudy and the wind is out of control. I love that kind of wind so it isn’t exactly keeping me inside, just again, no tan. On the other hand for those of you who don’t understand the inner calm of writing let me explain it to you in real time terms. I just wrote a blog that means almost nothing. I am proud that I did it, my coffee is finished, and I am ready to take on the second half of my day. Put a price tag on that. Don’t judge ….
Now a little boring data for anyone who wonders. The food is wonderful. That’s the first thing you hear about any cruise. The gym is incredible. Far better than Carnival. The wind outside is 45 knots since I have talked about it. 1 knot equals 1.15 mph. That’s a lot. Most of the people on this cruise speak other languages but luckily I bungle my way through other languages better than most. There are 4 swimming pools and I have found 8 hot tubs so far but there are probably more. The fact that this cruise runs under 900$ for 8 days it is a bargain, and the entire ship, despite how gaudy it is has a 50s Sophia Lauren theme which is charming when you get used to it. Happy Birthday to me and it is time to get off my ass and add more floors, steps and calories before I hit the buffet. Tonight is suit and tie night and there may even be pictures. Then again there may not be.