Sunday, December 27, 2015

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2015 #1

Well inevitably I have to just sit down and write this one. Although I had skipped the Christmas Countdown for the last four years I had skipped #1 the last year I did a Christmas Countdown. I had just felt it wasn't worth it. This is the hardest one of them all to write because it is reality, and it is usually after the event we know as Christmas has happened. This year was no different than any other year, it wasn't as bad as I had expected and it wasn't as good as I had hoped, but as usual it was a burning reminder of the things I really hate. I could write several paragraphs of dread and misery, and all the other things that Christmas is to me, but I sincerely gave up on throwing up emotions like a cat does grass. It doesn't help and often it does hurt. In a nutshell that is the new me, for those of you that haven't had to endure the old me.

Where to now, I must ask myself? Well that is an interesting question, and one that I have a whole year to ponder. My wife has thrown down the gauntlet that she is never going to put herself through that again, while at the same time telling me that she will support me if I choose to. She has every right to feel that way because quite frankly she has only seen the worst of my family, and to be honest with you I am really starting to forget the best. The total disrespect that we are shown time and time again is a testament to how much I just can't throw myself into the minutia of arguing over who is a worse person and why anymore. As far as I am concerned I don't care what anyone thinks of me as long as I don't have to be around people that make me feel that awful. It's like that old saying "anything that is said about you behind your back is none of your business," and I like to throw in, "only the worst among us try to make it your business."

With that said, I have learned to live my life a certain way, and most people don't get it. This is good because living my life the way people understand makes me hate me, and sometimes I think that is the goal of everyone involved. I gave up a lot the last few years and gained so much more than I had before I gave it up. Selfish? You bet your ass, but being selfless only makes you a martyr, and all of the "famous" martyr slots have been taken, and I like anyone else that plays the martyr card becomes a miserable forgotten martyr in the end. If anyone remembers anything about you at all it will be the miserable part, and I like to leave all that misery for the people who took on my old martyr responsibilities. They earned it.