Saturday, September 19, 2015

An Expert Opinion on Failure

Today is Saturday which means a few things.

1. I am going to do my usual weekly #SelfieSaturday article.
2. I am going to work on something for #SerialSaturday.
3. I am going to do a lot of re-shares while I get my chores done.
4. I am going to get my chores done.

In the background while I do all of my usual online things I have a few chores that I have taken on, like doing the laundry. Easy chores like this are the things to do while you take breaks from writing and editing videos. It is one of my usual contributions to the house, and my wife of course has her own. Marriages are funny that way, but unless both parts of the marriage are pulling their load, then the marriage will most likely fail. Of course an easier way to make a marriage fail is to be unappreciative and expectant of the other one to do whatever you contrive to be “their” job. Seriously folks the really lousy marriages I have seen over the years fall apart more because of the latter than the previous.

My wife on the one hand has become an excellent cook. She almost always has dinner waiting for me when I get home from work. I may have come to expect this, but I still don’t demand it. I know at least one or two people will read that and they have some sort of indignant thought about it before I even explain. Shame on you for that, but my wife makes dinner because she is home and I am not, and she can make it while I drive home so that the two of us aren’t wasting time that we could be spending together on dinner being made. See why you should be ashamed of yourself for the indignant thought? On the weekends I usually make dinner or we make it together, so bite me.

I have bad news for a lot of people out there but there is no score card in a marriage. If your spouse seems to be pissed off because they are carrying too much of the load then there are one of two problems here. Either they are carrying too much of the load and you need to step up, or suffer the consequences of not stepping up, or they are not carrying too much of the load and are projecting that onto you. In either case you have to deal with it. Just picking up slack because you don’t want to deal with it doesn’t fix anything, while at the same time ignoring the other person because you just don’t want to listen to it doesn’t work either. I am here to tell you that there are about a million different solutions to either of these problems aside from the two that are just plain bad.

Now why should anyone listen to what I have to say on this? Considering that the man writing this is on his fourth marriage you may think he is an idiot, and should be ignored, but then again watching Leave It to Beaver never solved anything. My other three failed marriages not only taught me a lot about the woman I am married to now (like how to appreciate absolutely everything she does from the wonderful dinner to the clean dishes) but a lot about myself as well (like a woman will never appreciate you if she has never appreciated you) and because of that I just wanted to sit down and write a little about what NOT to do in a marriage. I am an expert on that, and if you see yourself doing any of those things then you are following an expert on failure.