Wednesday, July 22, 2015

A Casual Walk Through Hell

This one batch of Lily out front of my house was a new surprise this year. I really like them.
I bet nobody really noticed that I hardly wrote anything for about two weeks. I was able to get a few Gym Thoughts written during that two week period, a few more Blogging Tips and a few Write Wing Thoughts out there, but I was really struggling, and nobody noticed. It’s not that you all don’t love me or care about me, or that I didn’t keep my feed full of blogs, it’s just I was able to tap into the resources at my disposal and wing it for a couple of weeks. I posted past Gym Thoughts posts, a few past Blogging Tips, skipped a few days of Write Wing Thoughts, and relied on my large cache of cyber novel chapters that I have in waiting for times like these, and viola, I weathered the storm.

Needless to say, for the last four or five days I have been writing like a crazy person, and have been blasting blogs out there like mad. I have replenished my back ups, I have worked to build my brand, and to bring in more Whackos, and nobody was the wiser that I was in really bad shape for a couple of weeks there. You see I am not one of those train wrecks that you see in a lot of the social media circles that has all of their dirty laundry out there. Not because I am better than that but because I have learned that train wrecks are only interesting for a while, and then the productive individual moves on to better things. I’ve been on both sides of that, and have made it a game plan to stay useful and not needy.

Why I am bringing this up is because there are a couple of really important things to be learned from the two weeks of hell that I was going through. The first was the perseverance to stay the path of my blogging network. Not because people depend on me, because life would go on if I up and disappeared, but because I DEPEND ON ME to be faithful to my chosen hobby of blogging. Being prepared for the times when blogging isn’t easy is very important, whether it is having a stash of blogs, or getting friends to fill in for you, but don’t become irrelevant, or you will probably lose ground. I can’t stress that enough, and I assure you my friends, ask around, I have blogs if you need help keeping your blog active, and you haven’t built your stash up yet. Just ask.

The other thing is the actual reason I was going through hell which some will understand, some will not, and some might have even been aware of. I had to add to my medications almost a month ago. I have two doctor prescribed medications that I take every day. One is a medication to control my cholesterol (Crestor) because no matter how healthy I am, or what I eat my cholesterol will fly into the 400s if I don’t take them. The other is anti-depressants, because I have and will always suffer from depression. More to the point on the depression issue, I have a nearly impossible time controlling my mood swings if I don’t take a medication called Citalopram which is more commonly known as Celexa. Despite what knuckleads like Tom Cruise have to say about anti-depressants (and God I would love an hour with that guy when I am off my meds) it is a fact of life for a lot of people.

The problem wasn’t the Citalopram because I have been on that for years and it has kept me moderately balanced, the problem was the side effects of it. The mood swings (more to the point violent temper) if I am not on it makes not being on it out of the question, so we added another medication to the mix. Another anti-depressant known as Buproprian which is more commonly known as Wellbutrin was added to my daily regimen of prescriptions. The two medications together are supposed to counteract the side effects of each one, and they probably do. The real problem was (and this is why a lot of people refuse to stay the course with anti-depressants until their system is leveled on them) that for two whole weeks my entire system was just off. I was confused in the morning, I was lethargic, I had no ability to think long enough to write much of anything, and if I didn’t go to the gym every morning, I may not have made it. The Wellbutrin made me (especially in the beginning) quite aggressive, and my gym time helped me to burn off the seething rage that would build up every morning. I actually had the kind of workouts that most people lie about when talking to girls, which was the one plus during those two weeks.

To wrap up this longer than most will read blog, I just want to share a misconception with everyone about anti-depressants aside from the rotten period of having to get used to them. I get aggravated with people in general when it comes to some misconceptions about anti-depressants, and some even make my self-righteous side rear its ugly head. People, who often tout the fact that anti-depressants destroy their creativity, are usually just trying to drag people back to the bottom of the bucket of crabs in which they live. More to that point, these last four or five days I have been on fire creatively, and I would even contend at my best ever, and perhaps as horrible as the blood leveling period was, it may have finally been that last piece I needed. I have a hard time believing that the right medications give the wrong results and the reason why is because I live it, not because I watch others.

You are what your parents make you and if you choose to stay that way, blame you, or at the very least try meds before you blame them all over your Facebook page, in train wreck after train wreck. It really is better to be content with yourself and worth a little time to get there, if you have to.