Thursday, March 5, 2015

The End of the 45th Year

The dreaded day of reckoning is upon me. Every year I take a moment to reflect on what, if anything has changed since my last birthday, aside from the obvious numeral. The big FOUR FIVE as I had written about before, ages are now enunciated with capital letter formulations of each numeral, and the big FOUR FIVE is no different. I wrote my first blog almost 10 years ago, when I was the little three five, or back before I enunciated each numeral so I guess it was just 35, but again it gives me a decade to look back on as I am hitting these keys.

First I shall look upon the things I learned this year. I am too old now to drive in the snow. I forget to urinate when I have a bowel movement, and am forced to go back to the bathroom a few minutes after I just went to the bathroom. I can lose 20 pounds and look better than I ever have despite my age. If I don’t start using moisturizer my current state of “aging ten years for every one year” will probably continue. That last one is not pretty. Snow shoveling has been the best cardiovascular routine I have ever been forced upon me by God. Snow shoveling is also the biggest pain in the rear ever forced upon me by God. Life is more fun if you don’t give a crap about other people’s opinions or praise. Marriage to a good woman is the best remedy to absolutely everything.

Second I shall look upon the things I learned in the last decade. You’re never too old to learn. You’re only as popular as you feel and not as you project. Everything is worth noting. Nothing is worth dwelling on. Doing the next right thing will almost never get you praise from others, but you can always take pride in it. Don’t let anyone else tell you what is and is not the next right thing that is between you and God. Take in all advice that is given to you, because it is also equally important to remember who gives crappy advice, and be reminded every so often how crappy it is. If you can count on one hand your greatest friendships then you are a lot richer than those with a million friends. That last one is hard to explain to most people so don’t try. Marriage to a good woman is the best remedy to absolutely everything.

In the interest of keeping my life in the here and now, because I am all about today, I do promise to hit the big FORTY SIXTH year running. Of course as I sit here writing this I have to say I don’t feel a day over forty-five, but then again I am not a day over forty-five am I? Oh well, for today I can stick with that. I didn't learn this in the last year or the last decade, but it is still the most important advice I can give anyone regardless of their age. If you have one foot in yesterday and another foot in tomorrow, then you are pissing all over today. Yes I know I say that a lot and if you are sick of it, feel free to point it out. You probably won’t like the response, but that’s life. In my case it is a good life.