Sunday, February 1, 2015

Who the Heck are You

As the new and improved Jeremy waited for the snow to end, and made his way to the gym Saturday morning there was a few problems that were going to need to be met head on, or nothing was going to be accomplished. Third person aside, I was going to have to go into the gym during a time when it was a lot more crowded, and a lot less forgiving of my quirks. Although I am not a “grunter” I am a “huff and puffer” which means between sets I have a habit of walking back and forth with my hands on my hips breathing heavy. It is the cost I endure by holding in the grunts I can imagine.

My wife doesn’t understand why I have to dress differently, and keep my head low, when I go to the gym after 7 am. It’s a problem that I have had with PlanNOT Fitness for the last decade or so. My first Planet Fitness number was 3 digits. I was one of the originals when it was in the basement of the mills in Dover. I was in the Portsmouth location over where the Toyota dealership is now, the very first week it was open. I mean I have some street cred here, and I have been through all of the transformations. When I moved to Malta NY there was no Planet Fitness, so I gave up my membership, but was back again when I moved back.

The “pick things up and put them down” attitude came along when they realized that they could make more money selling resolutioners a yearly membership for 99$ and then of course 99% of them don’t go past January. Part of this attitude is making sure that anyone that would scare away the new people who keep the gym profitable have to be quelled. I used to wear jeans shorts (over 10 years that’s all I ever wore) until a new manager came along and told me I couldn’t. Went as far as to ask me to leave, and yes I was furious. I got over this, but later on down the road another new manager decided that the tank top I wore was too intimidating, recently it was my compression top. It’s completely uncalled for, but facts are facts, if I could afford another gym I wouldn’t put up with it.

Of course with the manager of the month club comes the attitudes I have described previous. The lack of a good cleaning crew, the unsanitary bathrooms, but always is the fact that if I go in there during normal hours I am worried about what next? Then of course there are the people who don’t know you, assume you are a new person and they need to keep you in line. This doesn’t help when you are already very claustrophobic, and just hate being in crowds. Of course despite what sounds like a long line of bitching, I am reasonable and I understand that I have the choice to be a raging jerk about it or keep my head low and get back to my normal times. The latter is actually the more adult of the two.

Of course the most humbling of all of the situations that comes along during those times I am out of my element (and this is the third time it has happened to me) is that total asshole that used to beat me up in school always shows up when I am out of my element like this. This is the one person who gets “total asshole” status, because unlike all of the others that I have made peace with, or run into and we act like old friends (men do that ladies) this is the one that is still twice my size, still a total douchebag to everyone, and just to prove that God isn’t always fair, still has all of his hair. While I walk around worried about being singled out by management for removal of “judgment free status” this asshole is still boisterous, rude, and overall devoid of any courtesy towards anyone. His antics are also ignored. Thank God, I am a Christian because at least I know he qualifies for Hell someday.

I am happy to announce that I made it out of there with a good workout behind me, and I didn’t have to get my ass kicked. I didn’t have to make a scene, I didn’t have to rock the boat. I actually had a very good day, since I went to see my father and he is doing good, went to Walmart to pick up supplements, and got home to be reminded that I would go to Macys with my peanut. That went really well too as we had a nice lunch (where I embarrassed her because I talk to loud in the food court, but there are parts of me that still think I own that mall) followed by some yummy frozen yogurt at Peachwave. I like me too much today to let any day go all bad, or even partially bad.