Friday, January 30, 2015

You Think You Know Yourself

We all have had a time in our lives that we chalk up to an epiphany, or as some would call it a “Come to Jesus” moment. I've used both terms for a lot of different times in my life. The day I stopped drinking, the day I went back to school, any of the days I got divorced. None of these had to be monumental events but I can imagine that the monumental events just stick out. Sometimes they even come in multiple occasions over a small period of time.

The other day I was walking home from my second car accident over the last few years (three if you include getting stuck) and my brain was just completely locked in the mode of “why did you even do that?” because I knew better than to drive in that weather. The event had earned me the honor of shoveling three to four feet of snow out of my driveway (which isn't exactly little) and then walking down to the corner where I could shovel out the entire intersection and get my wife’s car out of the snow bank.

I knew she was going to chew me one, and I definitely deserved it, but otherwise she took it a lot better than I thought she should. That epiphany led me to what happened today, where the snow was falling, and even if it was only an inch out there, I didn't drive to the gym. I bundled up and I went on a two mile walk instead. It’s a bit more of an exercise ordeal with snow on the ground and roads that still aren't plowed to perfection, but after the first few times around the circle my footsteps had carved out a reliable pathway, which allowed me time to think. Yes another epiphany occurs.

The most impressive thing I have ever done is a YouTube video that I posted a few years ago. Even today it gets a few hundred page views a day, and the video is just a news story about a teacher that bullies her special needs students. It’s got about 2 million hits, and for some ungodly reason I was thinking about that stupid video. Honesty dictates that I point out that the video has absolutely nothing to do with me and the only reason it does anything is because a few interesting people commented on it, and have been fielding discussions under it for years.

This is how my online life goes. Some of my writings have somehow been picked up by interesting people and reposted, and then the +1s and comments go flying. I am not complaining, because I have managed to make some decent ad revenue off of them lately, but for some reason today when I was walking around in the snow, stuck in my own mind, there was emptiness inside of me. It’s that same emptiness that leaves me when I am sitting at work with my cell phone looking for posts online that have no “likes” or “+1” on them, so I can hit “like” or “+1” or even throw a snarky comment under them.

This is that pause as I sit here at the keyboard, because I pulled out of me what I need to realize in the “epiphany” for lack of a better word. My mind is at peace and I just have nothing else to say. I can hear Criminal Minds on the television because my brain has turned itself off. It’s time to get ready for work and start my day. On to the next stage, and to do the next right thing.