Saturday, July 23, 2011

Things You Learn When You Get an ISBN - Volume 1

Well who knew it was possible for me to actually accomplish something? I mean seriously folks, I just want to point out that it is NOT my MO to actually finish things that I start. Those that have known me a long time know this very well. I have the greatest of intentions when I start off a conquest to do something and there are piles of started and never finished conquests cluttering up my everything everywhere. Blogging was always great for me in those regards because I could write something for a half hour to an hour, post it and be done with it, and even though a lot of what I write takes on a “theme” and takes on a “continuity” it is still after all “finished” with each entry. You can take solace in those things that I have written into the blog with hopes that it will help me to finish them, and it never really does work out that way.

Well here is a feather in my cap finally, as I had it explained to me by the Irish Chic and my chosen McMother {for the fortieth fiftieth, oh I lose count, times over anyway} that I have written a book and it would sell. I just needed to go into the blog and make it book like, or whatever it was I needed to do. My mind immediately saw an easy solution to a long burning problem. I like easy after all, and the good news is like most of the easy things I start in my life I am usually so obsessed with it by the time I realize how difficult it is, I can get at least ninety percent of it done before I quit, so that I can really beat myself up for being a failure. Oh it's such a wonderful world when you have goals, dreams and insane aspirations for your own ruination all the time isn't it?

Well needless to say I forgot to do the “quitting” part this time, and let me tell you that this was NOT as easy as it would sound. Sure I have {get this} over 10,000 11pt font pages of content that I had personally written to choose from, and that would be a starving artists dream would it not? Yeah well, it did cut down the eighty percent that would make up the actual writing of the book, but despite the fact that I have over 1000 entries in a blog to sift through to complete a decent book, it was in the form of 1000 entries that were in no way shape or form in a usable format to publish a book. Last Saturday though I had the drive and determination to do this and do this I did. I sat down with three things open on my desktop {and thank GOD I have two monitors hooked up to my PC} which were a web browser opened up to this blog, notepad so that I could paste the entries I copied into it and remove all of the internet formatting, and of course MS Word which I was using to compile all of the entries I was copying into.

This is where I started seeing the value of perhaps someone buying an e-book with all of my recycled content in it. Aside from the obvious, that it is a great read when it is all laid out there in order, but as I sifted through ALL of my crap to get to the crap that people actually wanted I realized how daunting it was. In a way it was also like God's copyright protection as the average person wouldn't take the time it took me to get at all the stuff worth stealing. Reminds me of how I could care about someone stealing my credit card. If you are that hard up that you will spend all that time to get at the fifty buck of credit left on MY card, then hell you are welcome to it! It took me three strait days of non stop work just to get all of the entries into a document and then another two just to get it into a format that a book publisher would accept. Then it took me another couple of days to link all of it together with a table of contents. This was the perfect opportunity at any of these twists and turns to throw my hands up in the air and quit. I didn't.

Then you throw in a few of the other odd wrinkles that come up when you decide to publish an e-book like say, a cover? That was an interesting wrinkle as well since all of the graphics I have used for the Superdaddyman in the past were either borrowed {like the one Daniel made for me} or questionable {like the South Park characters I made, but might have copyright issues} and this led to me having to start from scratch on an actual Superdaddyman character. Thanks to Don it was pointed out rather quickly that it felt like taking your girlfriend's mother to the prom instead of your girlfriend. On that note I can't say how luck I am to have a talented fiance' that could help me with the coloring and decorating of the new Superdaddyman. Then she was able to help me come up with a cover that would appeal to someone like herself that doesn't read my crap.

I'm sure everyone is so sick already of me saying these things but I give my future wife a lot of credit for kicking me in the ass at times. She's definitely not the first woman to try, and more to the point she really hasn't tried that hard. As we were sitting around talking about our forever and a day plans, I had an epiphany and I still haven't really explained it to her all that much and it has a lot to do with why she doesn't like getting credit for the “me” that has been pushed into finally being “the me” that everyone else has tried to make me. It was a lot easier than I thought and it makes a lot of sense when it gets down to it. During the forever and ever she wholeheartedly wants to move up here and live with me and the kids happily ever after as long as we have each other. But there are two happily ever afters in my mind. There always has been. The happily ever after that gets the kids to adulthood, and then that happily ever after where I live alone and be a dirty old man. Well that's changed now, so I had to in an instant think of how the new happily ever after would go.

It went like this. The kids would get to adult hood just like planned. Then The One and I would work on OUR happily ever after, and that would entail remembering the key phrase which is OUR happily ever after. There would be no New England and everything I hate about it. There would be no Texas {sorry Mom and Dad} which holds no interest for her. There would be a happily ever after that included a little house in a little town where we would love our neighbors and enjoy OUR life together. She has that ability since her business doesn't require her to have an address anywhere in particular, and that's great. It's great that she loves spoiling me and taking care of me, but in the grand scheme of things I have to contribute to US. Realistically I can get a job and I can earn money and I have managed to do as best as I could taking care of my kids and I could do the same in a lot of places. I can't do that in any ol' place though and that is my goal. I knew it and it finally hit me officially that just getting by rooted to the place that I sit is NOT an option anymore, and THAT was exactly what my wonderful fiance' did for me. In a flash of an instant there was an honest urgency to be better for her. Like I said before, my doctor isn't going to ask me if I quit smoking for me, she is just going to be thankful I finally did it. When I win a Pulitzer, like everyone else who ever did it I can get up there and thank the people that made it happen, and not just stand there and thank myself ;8o)