Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Evolving Faces of Megalopolis - Volume 1

It has been a long time coming as the streets of Megalopolis have started fogging over with the coming battle that must ensue for the fate of the world to finally be decided. The streets have been fraught with uninspected fair maidens; the Pink Mafia has been left wholly un-infiltrated and probably worse than all of that The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s {TOKE} has been left to plot evil throughout Megalopolis and parts unknown. Yes apparently everyone’s favorite Super Villain turned Super Hero has been lacking in his responsibilities as he has been occupying his time with romantic interests. Yes it appears that there is ways to slow down if not completely stop the Caped Pervader as he defends the world from the monsters of our time.

Now in his defense he had assumed that many of these evil doers were attended to in his absence. When he had come back from his well deserved Superdaddyvaction, he learned quickly that the theory of “assume” means “you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’ theory” actually should be changed to the “Superdaddyman is an ass if he thinks things will be attended in his absence” theory. Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} looked like the place where they test the bombs out in Nevada {RENO} and it took him about four days to finally get a day’s worth of work done there. There were a bevy of new Tempspanicans to ensure that every inch of progress he made on the place was met with a half an inch of resistance at the best of times and two inches at the worst, but in the end he was able to overcome this horrible malady in only a way that a Superdeeduper Super Hero can!

The fair maidens being uninspected issue {FMBU} of course could become a problem as many a fair maiden is wandering the streets of Megalopolis showing off their legs in the amazing heat {HOLY AL GORE SUPERDADDYMAN IT IS FREAKING HOT OUT} but the Superdaddyman and even his simpering weenie alter ego Jeremy Crow {DOLT} have been busy inspecting the secret intel {filthy filthy dreams which need to be written down, translated, and sent off to the person who put them there} of The One as it has been made available. The Superdaddyman has been comfortable in the assumption {when you make an assumption you are an ‘ass’ and the ‘ump’ will ‘tion’ you} that others would be more than happy to fill the void of “fair maiden inspection” {FMI} albeit not as well as the Caped Pervader, in his absence.

This leaves us with the most diabolical of all evil that can possibly roam the streets of Megalopolis, as our brave, young {oh bite me and your opinions} Super Hero had expected the Criminal Detention Center {CAMP} that had been housing the Evils’s would continue the interrogation, beat downs and general self esteem destruction necessary when dealing with such evil as TOKE. This appears to have not been the case. More over it appears that with the help of Mophaka Al Queholic {MAQ} the Superdaddyman is going to have his hands full this week to say the least. Why is that you may ask? Well the CAMP that the Evils’s have been sentenced to has them on a furlough this week, and with that comes a myriad of new problems. Not the least of which would be the intentions of MAQ as it pertains to the Evils’s, the way the diabolical leader of MAQ Greektradgedius Inyiddish would like the Evils’s to accomplish their intentions, and of course Operation Clean and Conquer {BULLSHIT} that should link it all together!

So as the plans were laid out and handed to the Superdaddyman through that simpering idiot Jeremy Crow, it was supposed to go like this. Captain ADHD would clean his pre-teen version of “The Man Cave” which had already been done once with the close and impatient supervision of The Superdaddyman. This was commanded on high by the leadership of MAQ herself, and then once it was accomplished she then changed the rules so that it couldn’t be finished. The Superdaddyman had demanded that Captain ADHD find places for his enormous pile of crap that he has never eliminated any of in his entire twelve years, and using the amazing powers of “Irrationality” that had driven Lazius Boycrazius from not only the Casa, but Megalopolis all together she then said “No I want his detention cell {BEDROOM} to look exactly like this and he isn’t bringing any of that crap up into it” so that pile of crap sat in his “Man Cave” until it was finally taken out of all the boxes and strewn around like it had never been cleaned to begin with. Now she {technically it is still lying even if she really believes it} was going to “help” him do it this time, and the Superdaddyman gave her his awesome abilities of “Yeah Yeah Sure Sure” because he knew full well that it was BULLSHIT.

Now of course as stated before with the exodus of Lazius Boycrazius from the Casa Di Evils’s it was up to Captain ADHD to fill that void and thus enters his new and improved alter ego, Lazius Toycrazius! As he goes from the zipping ball of Tasmanian Devil like fury that blows through everything he isn’t supposed to, laying destruction and chaos behind him, the second you place him in his “Man Cave” with the express instructions to clean it, he grabs the first thing he sees plops down where he is and does NOTHING but play with whatever it is that caught his attention. Greektradgedius Inyiddish sits upstairs being sick like she almost always does when she lays down these proclamations. Her out in all of this is that she can rely on that dufus Jeremy Crow to be the asshole {as is always his job after a dumb ass idea from the mind of MAQ} and do what he said he would {because like an idiot he always keeps his word} and throw away absolutely everything in that room on Saturday.

Now of course the whole “throwing away absolutely everything” idea in theory sounds great, but everyone except our favorite Super Hero learns from their mistakes. The last go around of this strategy resulted in Lazius Boycrazius putting all of her Christmas presents to everyone else on top of her pile of “don’t give a crap” in the middle of her detention cell. They all went out with the trash and she attempted the “guilting process” that is a particularly skilled art form in females in the line of the Superdaddyman’s family. As a rank amateur it didn’t work in the least, but while on the subject neither did throwing out all of her crap. She cleaned her cell roughly three or four times in the next five years and even got thrown out of the Casa di Evils’s over it. GTIY gets to sit on her thrown and bark out orders, the Superdaddyman {through Jeremy Crow} gets to be the asshole, Chameleon ADHD gets to hang himself on a cross out front of the Casa as a misunderstood martyr, and Imtoocutus gets to walk around instigating the misery of everyone involved. Sounds like another beautiful day in this neighborhood huh? ;8o)