Friday, December 24, 2010

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2010 #1

From the Boston Glob Page 8, December 25, 1982 ..

It has crossed the news desk of SeeBS news 4 that earlier today in Nazareth, Massachusetts a child was born to the shock and horror of local law enforcement surrounded by circumstances that could only be described as “odd” by the Chief of Police spokesperson.

Aside from the obviously unsafe circumstances, such as being born in a manger surrounded by various farm animals, there appeared to certain “extraordinary” circumstances that forced the Department of Human Services to come and take this child from his unfit parents one Mary and Joseph {both claiming the last name Ofnazareth} and placed into an anonymous facility or as we affectionately call it “the system.”

During the police raid the obviously delusional parents were ranting things like “virgin birth” and “savior” a reliable source tells SeeBS news 4, while also attesting to various nefarious members of society claiming to be “kings” and “wise men.” We are following leads that source them as possible NAMBLA affiliates. In any regards the sanitary conditions of the shed and manger alone warrant removal of said child they claimed they named “Jesus” {obviously Latin Americans} for further safety issues.

At their arraignment they claimed {and it was confirmed} that they were only in town to pay their taxes to the community in which they were born. The story was substantiated by the town clerk that the “Ofnazareths” indeed were born in Nazareth, and there perhaps was a shortage of hotel rooms, but the Governor has proclaimed them homeless refugees already so diligently SeeBS News 4 will not let the facts get in the way of a good story. Unfortunately the Governor has seemed to have misplaced the location of the child originally named “Jesus Ofnazareth” which has only been made more complicated by his renaming “Christian Hatemonger” and coincidentally lost in the system of one of the larger cities. “We are sure that everything will work out for the best from here,” claimed one DHS spokesperson.

From the Boston Glob Page 1, December 25, 2000 ..

Police were called in to deal with hate speech allegations by one "Christian Hatemonger", who has been going around the cities of Massachusetts preaching his version of values to the population at large. His crime of displaying something he called a “Diorama” {he claims is of his own birth} in a public location in plain sight of everyone was the final straw of a long history of bad deeds. Many people gathered around to watch this spectacle forcing the police to fear a “cult like” mentality.

Christian Hatemonger has been noted on several occasions talking publicly about such horrific things as, taking away a woman's right to choose, the sabbath, going to church, baptism, loving your neighbors {especially to the horror of most, children}, and various other values that are none of his business. Most allegations have been corroborated by many in the community.

Not much is known about Christian Hatemonger aside from the information that has been reported on him in the past from reporters Mathew, Mark, Luke and John, but apparently Christian Hatemonger was born a Jew, and since has converted to Christianity before spewing his hate speech throughout the Commonwealth. SeeBS News 4 has been covering the story as it transpires.

Although heinous in nature the crimes levied against Christian Hatemonger have not kept his evil locked away for long, as this morning he was released on his own recognizance, and is again on the loose. Please keep your eyes open for any more hate and rhetoric that is being bandied about by this obviously wicked man.

From the Boston Glob Page 3, December 25, 2010 ..

Police arrived on the scene of a brutal murder today in Golgatha Massachusetts. Almost three decades of hate speech from one Christian Hatemonger has finally come to an end. Police weren't ready for what they actually found, as a brutally beaten and crucified body was found on one of the hills in Golgatha {affectionately called “The Place of the Skull” by the local residents} and immediately was recognized due to his reckless disregard of common decency over the span of his short life.

Christian Hatemonger first came to prominence when his parent had given birth to him in a manger of a stable in the town of Nazareth. The debauchery surrounding that event forced the state to take the child the parents had named Jesus, away and into the state system, where despite many years of publicly funded education, the young Jesus Ofnazareth {renamed by his Foster Parents “Christian Hatemonger”} still fell astray. We can only go back to his horrible parents who in the one day they actually had custody of him, had damaged him for life. We all know the state couldn't have been involved. As he aged his intolerance for diversity had gone from bad to worse. Preaching constantly for love and peace were simply a guise to hide his true hatred of wonderful institutions like “choice” and “diversity” and many times “penance.”

We here at the Boston Glob and our partners at SeeBS News 4 do not in any way condone the crucifixion of another human being, but regretfully have to admit our leanings toward mercy. It was a long cruel life for a very troubled man who was so riddled with psychosis that often he thought he was the son of God, tried to lead the evil Jews towards his version of a better path, had the audacity to try to convert members of the Religion of Peace to his fabricated religion of hate and rhetoric. While crucifixion is a horrible way to end the life of another human being, he was a symbol of scorn known all over the world.

With the death of Christian Hatemonger we here at The Boston Glob and SeeBS News 4 are confident that many of the misunderstood people of the world who have chosen to kill themselves in the process of trying to prove a point to Christian Hatemonger and those that believe his rhetoric can finally have the peace they so richly deserve. Today will go down in history as a day of peace without Christian Hatemonger's and their type of angry, vile, hate speech for years to come.

Governor Deval Patrick was not available for comment, but one of his spokespeople assure us that Christian Hatemonger will be buried in an unmarked crypt, and precautions will be taken to assure he stays there. Whatever that actually means ;8o)