Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Superdaddyman Takes on the Pink Mafia - Volume 19

The heat throughout Megalopolis has been oppressive to say the least, and it usually would create less havoc as the most evil aspects of the Pink Mafia are far too lazy to get their “evil” on when heat exhaustion is involved. This doesn't mean that the various factions of the Pink Mafia don't have their moments of attempted triumph though, as our favorite Super Villain turned Super Hero found out this past weekend, and into this week. You see despite the fact that evil tends to lessen around the dog days of summer the Superdaddyman finds himself even more fraught with responsibility, especially as it pertains to keeping an eye on the fair maidens of Megalopolis {since the skirts get a lot shorter} and a few things can slip past his ever watching eye!

It started with a super secret communique from 3 feather about the locker area of the Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} that referred to the mess that had accumulated around it. This is no small feat as most of the mess isn't actually mess, it is just laziness on behalf of the masses that use the area. Superdaddyman had always had a hard time discerning the actual trash from the crap that everyone left lying around too lazy to place inside of their lockers. To clean the area required careful planning, and when it comes to careful planning the first word that should come to anyone's mind is the Superdaddyman!

The plan went as follows. Signs were created with a date set a week later stating “On this day, anything left around the lockers will be thrown out!” which should have been quite self explanatory. On the other hand this is the Pink Mafia we are talking about so there was a lot of politics and infighting that would go on after the signs were created. Initially it started with the individual members of the Pink Mafia coming to the Caped Pervader {cleverly disguised as that simpering dolt Jeremy Crow} attempting to remind him that if any of their “shit” gets thrown away he will regret it. This plays into the initial plan well as the one thing that Jeremy Crow is good at is playing the part of “Angry man with more muscles than brains” which did not in any way create the actual response that the various members of the Pink Mafia who had attempted this ploy. It of course whipped them into phase two of their diabolical scheme. Crying to their supervisors that Jeremy Crow is a meanie head and was threatening to place their heads inside body cavities that potentially could create space issues.

This of course led to the “unforeseen” parts of the “the plan” which would require the ability to adapt. The communiques came in from various people in certain small levels of authority, that “under no circumstances was Jeremy Crow allowed to throw away anyone's stuff” and the communiques were all forwarded to the Grand Dragon of the Pink Mafia so that Jeremy Crow could get “his” once and for all. Of course the Superdaddyman {cleverly disguised as Jeremy Crow remember?} knew that this phase probably wouldn't work as well as they had hoped, and only needed to wait a couple of days for the grand judgment to come down. When the grand judgment came down it was along the lines that the Superdaddyman had assumed it would {“I went down and looked at the area and it is a shithole, so I have told him from on high to throw all your crap away”} but at the same time another secret communique had come through changing the plans dramatically. It was the usual “Put everything in a box and let them grab all their stuff out and then throw it away the following Monday,” which did not make the Superdaddyman too impressed. This was how it went down the year before and when the Pink Mafia members got all of their crap out of the box they completely trashed the place which had just been cleaned at the expense of about 6 hours in 120 degree heat. It was time for a new plan.

With this the date had also been changed and the Superdaddyman was forced to make new signs and hang them up {then clean them all up when everyone had a tantrum and shredded them onto the floor} which gave everyone another week to clean up the crap they cared about. Within a few days many of the Pink Mafia members were explaining to Jeremy Crow how they had heard that he had to put everything in a box and they would just get their stuff out of there. Of course they reminded him that he should go forth and multiply as well. The last communique had reminded firmly that it was against Pink Mafia policy for our favorite hero to kill anyone so he did the “grin and bear it” thing, while the hamster ran around the wheel in his head. Yes this definitely required a new plan doesn't it?

Again the heat that Friday night was at least ten degrees above intolerable, and after handling about 30 pairs of nasty boots and placing them in a box, the Superdaddyman {still cleverly disguised as Jeremy Crow} started brushing down and dusting off all of the fiberglass dust and various other things that would stick to his sweaty skin into the boxes on top of everyone's boots and clothes that they left lying around. After six hours of dusting, scrubbing, using noxious chemicals, sponges, rags, nasty mops {all of which were disposed of in the box on top of all the manky clothes, boots, dust, fiberglass} our hero had the place totally gleaming and looking like a place that a person could sit down and eat! Hey, what can we say, but the Superdaddyman is after all good at his job, or the Pink Mafia wouldn't put up with his crap! The only thing left to do is hide the boxes somewhere that nobody will be able to find them for the weekend so he can make sure that it all gets thrown away as instructed.

Of course the drive into Pink Mafia Headquarters that following Monday was a particularly cheerful one. The fair maidens were about the streets wearing their best short skirts, and there was a spring in the Superdaddyman's gate as he knew that phase two of his diabolical scheme would go into effect as soon as he got into the PMHQ. Many a Pink Mafia member was disgruntled to say the least, but the Superdaddyman assured them all that he had placed everything in boxes as he was instructed, and it wasn't his fault that they hadn't placed their crap in their lockers as they had been instructed. It was merely a matter of time for the Caped Pervader to shake all of the people that had been tailing him to find out where he had left the boxes, before he could get to the business of emptying the boxes. This of course took the engineering of the second part of the plan.

After placing a dumpster outside {in a region that is not under the inspection and cleaning responsibility of the Superdaddyman} the boxes were brought out and dumped into the dumpster. Then of course all of the trash that had piled up over the weekend while there was no Superdaddyman to dump it for them, was dumped on top of it all. He took a moment to thank God that all of his crap wasn't in there, and then went about the business of infiltrating the diabolical Pink Mafia as he usually does. There was plenty of grumbling about it all, a few of them assumed that it might be a good idea to reiterate some of the threats they had made the week before {and of course thought twice about it, because with the heat comes the wife beaters and bad attitude of Jeremy Crow} and they all took time out of their too busy to clean up after themselves lives to complain to the powers that be about the whole ordeal. Little do they know that all that did was get the usual response from the leaders on high. A super secret communique asking for full details of what went down so they could have a huge laugh out of it on the golf course the next weekend ;8o)