Thursday, April 8, 2010

Superdaddyman Takes on Oxycottontail - Part 6

Continued from earlier .. see part one here .. see part two here .. see part three here .. see part four here .. see part five here {part 6 as told by the Fiendish Imtoocutus}.... It was my greatest moment. I didn't have to go into great explanations of how brilliant I am because I am not your average stupid older brother. In reality I didn't even know that I was the queen of the underworld, and I'm willing to admit that. Many would say that I would admit that so many times that it would drive all of the people around me crazy, but screw them because I am now also in charge of punishments around here! Looking at that idiot in the stalks and the bigger idiot next to him blabbering about how he was the mastermind of all this makes me laugh on the inside, while I keep my calm cool on the outside. If anything I have learned from being trapped in the Casi Di Evils's with this wanna be crime boss Captain ADHDork. While at the same time I can add my own special brand of evil to just about everything by beguiling everyone with babbling while my own evil genius can be routed out in the background.

“You did it this time Imtoocutus!” the Captain of all that is stupid in this world blurted out, “You wait until I tell Greektradgedius Inyiddish on you!” and of course I used that mocking little smile I always use on him that could only say “Go ahead and try, she can't do anything but fall for this dude!”

I was partially perplexed as to what to do about Rahm because in all fairness he did get me back to my kingdom, but on the other hand, now that I have the power I'll have to take over the overworld {it's what us evil people do} and it would be a lot easier without this crazy ass dude up there gumming up the machine. I could only take so much whining about it all, and barked out the orders, “My courtier please read off the charges that befall these three.”

“You both have been accused, caught, and convicted of the heinous crime of 'Dumbassery' which is punishable by death!” the Red Jack yelled after reading off of a big scroll that has been in his hands. He turned to me to seek my approval, and I nodded to him regally.

The dingaling in the stalks figured that it was time for him to add something at this point, “You will never get away with this! How will you expect to get away with everything all the time when you finally kill someone, you little idiot!” and his words trailed off into the forest. “I've always been on to you, and now if I am to be a martyr to the cause of outing you as the evil little freak that you are then so be it!”

“Sticks and stones may break my .. Actually no, sticks and stones will break your bones, because Imtoocutus gets to do the name calling here!” I said because when I get on a roll I am hard to stop, but you all evil your way and I will evil mine! I raised my arms above my head and in my most regal manner cried out “Off with their heads!” to the cheering of my well deserved and adoring fans throughout the forest.

This was when Rahm finally yelled out something that sounded like “antisemite” or whatever and I never could endorse such potty mouthery from anyone. As I pointed towards him and said “Bring me the royal sticks and stones for this one first!” which of course brought more cheers from the crowd. I didn't think Rahm's eyes could get more bulging but live and learn.

It was actually amusing in an “evil needing to be amused” sort of way, as all of my adoring siubjects beat Rahm half to death with the royal sticks and stones. Every once in a while the nitwit next to him would bark out some sort of “Ow! I'm telling!” as a stray rock would bounce off his head, but this minor irritation would be over for him soon enough. Like a great big dinner table where I usually hold everyone hostage with my senseless “John Madden” like babbling about the same things everyone else had already said or done, a good con-artist or evil genius learns to play with their food, before they actually eat it! Some would say that it is the downfall of the truly evil that they prolong the actually evil deed so long that it simply allows the good guys to come rolling in and foil the plot, but I have no fear as the actual good guys that are unaccounted for in this scenerio are rather stupid and clumsy. There was a part of me that was feeling a little loss that they weren't here to make the situation funnier as they screwed up rescue attempt after rescue attempt, but then again I do need to deal with this menace before an actual intelligent good guy accidentally runs out of important things to do and happens along this scene.

“Enough with the royal sticks and stones!” I cried out as I looked at the two in the stalks, and the one under the glass. It's strange how easily you forget Joe Biden is around if you can't hear him say something incredibly stupid. I didn't really know what to do with him as it might be too difficult for the headsman to even aim at something that small with such a heavy ax. That doesn't mean I won't let him try.

“My Queen!” I heard coming from the woods as one of my subjects was coming along dragging the drunk guy from the helicopter. Damn he was tripped out too, as he was fighting a heck of a lot harder to hold on to the big bottle with a straw hanging off of it, puffing out smoke, than to get away. “We found this one in the other clearing, and we can't get the hooka away from him, what should we do with him?”

I figured that he was so into his own world that it might be best to eliminate him first. I mean after all no kingdom is truly safe when you have a lush who plays with guns running around hilly nilly. “Send him to the block, off with his head!” I demanded and beckoned my soldiers to the headsmans block.

The soldiers fought along to get the drunken, stoned idiot over to the headsmans block, mostly because the huge thing he was fighting to keep must have been pretty heavy. The bonehead didn't seem to mind being laid into it as long as he could keep puffing away on it so that was a bit of a bonus. I must admit that having the two dingalings in the stalks watch another victim of “change” go down before they met their own destiny was pretty enticing, and the headsman looked over to me, ax in hand, and I nodded to him. The ax was raised, the ax came down and the puffing on the bottle ended.

The yell from the stalk was audible none the less as Captain ADHDummy yelled, “OH MY GOD THEY KILLED MAX!”

What I didn't expect was the familiar voice that came from the woods, “YOU BASTARDS!” .. to be continued