Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Superdaddyman Takes on Oxycottontail - Part 5

Continued from earlier .. see part one here .. see part two here .. see part three here .. see part four here {part 5 as told by the Diabolical Captain ADHD}.... Well once we were shot of that Superdaddydumbass Rahm and I were able to get down to business. I'll admit that I was curious as to why he had walked away from the rabbit without interrogating him, but when in Wonderland trust the man from the fantasyland known as Chicago. His pace picked up quite a bit as he seemed frantic to find my stupid sister. Nobody in their right mind goes out of their way to find Imtoocutus, and worse than that, how can you miss that mouth? Still it was becoming curious to me all the same, “Why are we so desperate to find Imtoocutus, I can't see where she would add anything to this bunny hunt?”

Rahm made his first big mistake, which I found perplexing when he replied, “Well she's technically just a little girl, and we shouldn't leave her all alone,” to which I held back a chortle, so not to tip my hand to the fact that Rahm made an inadvertent mistake. He must think that I don't understand progressivism or something, but I do after all have Glenn Beck on my Twitter feed. In theory pretending to care about the children works with your average kool aid drinking dolt, but to those that pay attention we know Rahm would eat his own children if someone told him they have hard to find vitamins in them. His evil is quite impressive but all the same amazingly predictable to a superior intellect as my own.

The muffling in Rahm's pocket sounded like the word “hookers” so I knew Joe was still in his normal frame of mind. Not that it would worry me or anything, if the “Nancy Pelosi is next in line” angle didn't keep me mildly afraid for his safety. I wondered about all of our shrink grow shrink grow, and how we would relate in size to the creepy one. I didn't bring up the methed up rabbit, because that would tip my hand so I led with another “little boy” style question and hoped that he would fall for it. Egoism effects people like Rahm to often make him overlook his equals based on age, so he didn't appear to take, “We don't have to go back and get the Superdaddyidiot after we find her do we?” to mean anything more than my usual snark.

“No, he's served his purpose already, the important part is to get Imtoocutus, and get her to the throne,” but after that he acted like he had said too much and immediately changed words over, “I mean home safely.”

I figured a simple “little boy” answer would serve me better at this point since he seemed to be lulled into a sense of “simple mindedness” over me at the moment and even though I never trusted Rahm, I am starting to not trust him as an enemy as opposed to a fellow nare-do-well. “Do we have to, the Casa would be so much more quiet without her?”

I could feel Rahm straining for the best answer to that one, when a strange clearing came upon us. This changed the whole need for him to answer as we both looked around at what could only be described as a medieval court of sorts with various decorations and various seating arrangements. Making it all that much more strange was the strange cast of characters wandering around everywhere. Most of them appeared to be plain old playing cards with feet and arms. All of which having various numbers and characters on them but the one thing that made them all similar, and that being the profound red hearts on all of them. Rahm immediately covered my mouth so that I couldn't make a sound, but it didn't seem to help at all, as we had already been spotted.

“You There!” one of the characters with the symbol of the Jack or nave whichever version you prefer pointed at us and started approaching quickly with sword drawn. Others started towards us as well, and it appeared that we were getting taken into custody one way or another.

To make a long story short, Rahm the brave handed me right over to the angry Jacks and started on his “Do you know who I am?” rants. What was worse I could hear the muffled sounds of “Yeah do you know who I am?” rants coming from his pocket as well. I on the other hand believe that any situation can be combated as soon as you understand the issues surrounding it, so I did the dead weight method to gauge their strength, and then I will stay cognoscente to formulate a plan as the other two idiots keep their attention. Great plan, as their plan lasted about 2 minutes before they had Rahm and me in a stockade, and Joe trapped under a glass on the table.

As uncomfortable as having my wrists and neck surrounded by wood and iron, looking upwards to see what was going on around us made it worse. Rahm was practically sobbing and saying, “I brought her to you, I'm on your side,” and unfortunately I was starting to understand what was going on. Hell I think even that idiot Superdaddyman would know what was going on, but you never know.

This was when the crowd started chanting almost in unison “For the Queen! For the Queen! For the Queen!” and again my mind was taking me to that scary place usually reserved for plots to overthrow the government. Here I was in a plot to overthrow me! The sobbing of course was going on next to me, and I guess everyone was right about what they say about bullies. Joe on the other hand was pounding on the side of his glass and screaming in a squeeky voice. They know who you are Joe, they just don't care like the rest of us. I could feel my own sanity slipping away as I actually started thinking that it would be up to the Supperdaddydolt and the Meathead from Montana to save us. Then I remembered that the chances of that were probably better if they didn't show up.

When the crowd started cheering and facing the great throne {did some thug mention thrown?} I cricked my neck up to the best of my ability. There was no way I was going to miss this one as walking out on the great dais with the thrown on it stepped {you guessed it} Imtoocutus holding a great sceptre with an evil grin on her face and staring strait at me. Why shouldn't she, this has been the goal of her entire existence and I could kick myself for not seeing a trap as it was being laid out. After she raised her arms to silence the crowd, she came walking through the audience and towards Rahm and myself. Rahm was still whining out his protestation, but she had no eyes for him, and walked right over to me until she was nose to nose with my locked up form, “Not so smart now are you?” .. to be continued