Monday, April 5, 2010

Superdaddyman Takes on Oxycottontail - Part 3

Continued from earlier .. see part one here .. see part two here {part 3 as told by the Fiendish Imtoocutus}... I don't know what to think in all of this. I know that the boys {meaning the Superdaddyman and Captain ADHDummy} are just in this for the glory, but I {the adorable, loveable, irresistible} Imtoocutus just want to find the Easter Bunny in one piece and love him and squeeze him and hold him and stroke him and then name him George. You know how these things go, don't you? The ride on the helicopter wouldn't have been too bad if I wasn't stuck sitting next the the goofy old guy with the teeth talking about “Wabbits” demanding something called “Chivas” and wreaking of booze. Seriously folks, but friends don't let their grampas drink like this.

My stupid brother has been arguing infiltration with the creepy guy with the bulging eyes on the other side of the helicopter and that stuff just bores me. Drunk guys usually bore me but this one seems kinda goofy and reminds me of Elmer Fudd with hair. Well I guess it's real anyway I don't feel like reaching up and finding out. That other guy on the helicopter is the really scary one. He's asked the pilot several times if he knows who he is. I've often heard that when you don't know who you are anymore, then you probably shouldn't leave the house, but I'm still kinda young. The creepy guy keeping my brother busy has to stop him every once in a while so he doesn't walk off the side, and you have to wonder why he bothers.

The helicopter we were all in finally landed in a clearing beside a very dark forest. Seriously folks this was the type of forest that you see in a movie, and you couldn't see more than ten feet into it. The Superdaddyman {bless his heart} walked over to the door and said something very profound. Nobody paid attention to it or anything, and I had already forgotten it before I even got out of my seat but he does seem to get very impressed with his cleverness. Of course the Joe Biden guy standing next to him makes him look like a genius so it isn't much of a stretch. “That forest is where the secret location is,” piped up Rahm as he stood there pointing at a small break in the trees. “This is where we need Max to get us to the point where the rabbits are.”

At the very mention of the word rabbits the drunk guy next to me bolted up and threw on a goofy looking hat and pulled a shotgun from behind his seat, “WABBITS!” I'm not big on this hunting down “wabbits” thing but I am pretty sure that anyone who hands this guy a shotgun should have his head examined. “Be vewwy vewwy qwuite!” he said as he looked at me and then back at the door. “It's wabbit season, and I'm wabbit hunting!”

After he had hopped off the helicopter and started tip toeing towards the woods Rahm held us all back with his arms, “Let Max stay a bit ahead of us. We took the shells out of his rifle but you never know,” and we huddled off behind him at a safe distance. Captain ADHDingaling was still trying to get me to go keep track of him and had even handed me a coonskin cap. You can see why you never accept gifts from an enemy now can't you?

We actually weren't too far into the woods before Max was circling a big hole in the ground. I can only say that I wasn't particularly happy with the gloom and doom of the whole area, the drunk guy with a gun, the mafia guy with the hair plugs, the creepy guy with the eyes, and my only line of support being a wanna be super hero and a wanna be crime boss. “So what are we going to do with a big hole in the ground?” I asked as the freak with the bulging eyes and Captain ADHDingbat walked up to Mr. Wabbitseason.

Ramn immediately piped up, “Well we are going to need to head down this hole to get to our objective. We'll need to figure out who is going down there first before ..” and the words were still fresh in the air when Captain ADHDfreak kicked Max in the rear end sending him cascading down the hole.

There was an audible “Awwww” and several “Oomps” and an “Ouch” or two as the drunk fell down the hole. My creepy brother then looked at us all and said, “What? We had three useless appendages here and he was the useless appendage closest to the hole,” he then tried to get the Superdaddyman to come over and look down the hole and see how Max did on the way down. Even I could feel the stupidity as he actually did it, just to have a foot hit his rear and listening to the same screaming and bumping as he went down the hole, “this is kinda fun, Hey Joe, you wanna look down this hole, I hear there are some hookers down there?”

The rest of us climbed down the hole in a more orderly fashion, but when we got to the bottom Max had completely disappeared. It was a group consensus that this was probably a good thing. We didn't bring enough liquor along with us to keep Max happy anyway, and while he is off looking for “wabbits” with a shotgun it is one less moron to worry about. The other two morons, the two evil hatchlings, and myself {the cute one} were relatively unscathed, and staring at a little door. The door was even too small for me to walk through, so it was time to think about the green bottle sitting on the stand next to the door. On it was a sign that said “Drink Me” and to be honest with you, you don't grow up in the Casa Di Evils's without knowing not to fall for that one too easily. Rahm on the other hand was prepared for this one as he handed the bottle to Joe, and said “Look Joe, Kool Aid!”

After a healthy swig of the liquid in the bottle Joe shrunk down to the size of the door. Rahm then convinced Captain ADHDummy to drink some and the same results. The Superdaddyman drank his, and shrunk down and Rahm handed the bottle to me. I looked at him, and then at the bottle. “I am the smallest person at the Casa Di Evils's, you don't think I am going to let the bully of the bunch be the only one who isn't shrunken do you?” and Rahm gave me a dirty look, but it didn't take him very long to realize that he is dealing with the queen of stubborn, and he takes a swig, and hands me the bottle before he shrinks down to the size of a Barbi doll.

Now of course when it comes to evilling, we all have our secret powers. Many would say that I am the master of manipulation, and you can't blame a little girl for being clever. Control isn't all that easy when you are usually the youngest and the smallest in any given situation. In this case, I am technically only one of the two, and I figured I would keep it that way, as I pushed them all through the door with my foot. Someone has to go figure out what happened to drunken grampa anyway? It was like music to my ears as I heard my stupid brother screaming my name from the other side of the door as started walking in the other direction towards a very dark path where I could have sworn I heard the faint yelling of “Wabbits! Waskwy stinkin wabbits!” .. to be continued