Thursday, April 15, 2010

From the Desk of Crow Pharma - Volume 2

New from the desk of the Crow Pharmaceuticals research and development department, and the makers of Poozees® brand vagina flavored candy, comes the highly anticipated follow up product in the fight against Orally Fixated Vaginal Addiction. We here at Crow Pharmaceuticals have worked long, and hard to bring you the products that our special brand of clientele' have demanded, and are happy to announce that we have done it again! Please read further on the wonderful new product that you have been waiting for!

Have been using Poozees® brand vagina flavored candy for years with great results, but somewhere along the way the fantasy of actually eating a CENSORED had escaped you? Have you simply been sitting around in your mother's basement blogging away for Media Matters for America, eating your Poozees® brand vagina flavored candy and starting to feel the stresses of seclusion and desire to get out and experience the real world? Did you even lose the desired effects of the custom flavored Poozees® brand vagina flavored candy that the girl who left you years ago is still supplying without even knowing about it? How can you expect to go on without the full experience of actually eating a CENSORED in today's world of science?

Well FEAR NO MORE my reality disaffiliated friend! After years of painstaking research here at Crow Pharmaceuticals we have come up with the answer to the question of “Why isn't Poozees® brand vagina flavored candy alone solving my social issues?” and developed what we all know will fill that gap between actually eating a CENSORED, and living the fantasy you have fought long and hard to maintain! Because as everyone knows, when it comes to maintaining a fantasy, it takes a lot more than, an internet chat room, lotion and the latest episode of Redeye, our gang of experts have finally developed the next generation of Orally Fixated Vaginal Addiction relief that not only works in 14.99765 percent of but is approved whole heartedly by the founder of our company Jeremy Crow himself!

Thanks to the experts in eating a CENSORED we heard you, and are ready to take it to that next level, with the release of Cundles® brand vagina scented aroma therapy! In blind taste tests 7 out of 10 shut in perverts {who have actually tastes a CENSORED} have stressed the need for a way to truly experience that CENSORED with more than just the taste buds. The sense of smell is equally important to the full CENSORED eating experience, and with a good supply of Cundles® brand vagina scented aroma therapy, you're on your way to the goal of utter isolation, that might be supported by such people as “your neighbors” and “the rest of society.” Just look at these scents we have already perfected …
  • Tiffany
  • Joslyn James*
  • SE Cupp
  • Angelina Joli**
  • Susan Estrich***
  • Sandra Bullock****
  • Michelle “Bombshell” McGee*****
  • Pamela Anderson******
  • Courtney Love*******
  • Florence Henderson {Ann B Davis coming soon!}
  • Oprah Winfrey
Of course we will customize your Cundles® brand vagina scented aroma therapy experience. Custom scents are always available 24 hours a day. Just give us a call and we will send out one of our special “Aroma Specialists” to sample the CENSORED of your choosing! Why miss the aroma of your favorite fixation when she is away, because we can replicate the scent of your girlfriend, wife, sister, mother {ask about our Media Matters for America employee discount!], grandmother {as always Crow Pharmaceuticals has a stringent privacy policy to protect your needs} and send it to you within weeks! Once back at the lab we assure your specialized scents are safeguarded against intermingling, and causing others to stalk your personalized scents. Your aromatic Cundles® will be shipped in convenient packs of 69 discreetly wrapped so that your neighbors still only wonder about you instead of downright worry about you!

Why not give the gift of Cundles® brand vagina scented aroma therapy? Many of our customers have found that certain scents make the perfect gift! Be it the occasional Orally Fixated Vaginal Denial or the full out Orally Fixated Vaginal Addiction, you'd be surprised how many of your friends {and even significant others that you might be driving to lesbianism} need that little extra push to get the job done. In blind scent test we have found that more potent scents of Cundles® brand vagina scented aroma therapy are just what you need for dealing with a raging case of “Bad Kitty” and are supported by rock stars all over the world! We even make specialty designs so that you can get that significant other to light up Cundles® brand vagina scented aroma therapy on her own without realizing it's that sexual aid the doctor ordered!

Cundles® brand vagina scented aroma therapy is the only vagina scented candles endorsed by the Crow, and he is not just the owner, benevolent dictator, egomaniac freak in charge of the company, and potentially the only person who reads these press releases, he's also a sufferer of Orally Fixated Vaginal Syndrome, and FAR TOO WEIRD to be trusted with a woman!
Look for Cundles® brand vagina scented aroma therapy at your favorite Grand Union, Zayre, Ames, Jordan Marsh, Montgomery Ward or any other fine store that was totally driven under by being associated with this guys looney ideas!

*Joslyn James comes in two distinct scents with/without Tiger Woods semen **Angelina Joli comes in two distinct scents with/without Brad Pitt scent which also replicates three years between showers scent ***Susan Estrich Cundles® in some tests have been shown to have enough nicotine to also offer stop smoking therapy ****Sandra Bullock comes in pre/post Jesse James scents *****Michelle “Bombshell” McGee scents don't appear to be effected pre/post Jesse James ******Pamela Anderson always remember to take a strong shower after using Pamela Anderson Cundles® we are not responsible for clothing aroma damage *******Courtney Love although Courtney Love Cundles® are known to linger as does Pamela Anderson Cundles® we are not worried about this. You obviously don't leave the basement anyway


Just Read These Testimonials!
What the CENSORED is wrong with you? Everytime you come out with a new product you start harassing me like I give a CENSORED man! I have better crap to do like justifying rape on TV and writing unfunny CENSORED about your mother!
Whoopie Goldberg
Dude! I was like eating some of those Poozees® and the lit up my Cundles® and you CENSORED sent me the wrong batch! My neighbors are all complaining about the smell coming out of my house, and are threatening to get me thrown out of my gated community! Next time you make the Angelina Jolie with Brad Pitt Cundles® CENSORED don't make it smell like rotten eggs and body odor!
Brad Pitt
Oh let me tell you I lit up some Cundles® in the green room, and my guests are so much more docile when they come on. Thanks Crow Pharmaceuticals for making it easier to be a gay woman in the industry. Now watch me do the “Happy I got my Cundles®” dance. A boogie boogie boogie a boogie boogie boogie
Ellen DeGeneres
I want you all to know that my Healthcare Reform covers Cundles® and it will lower the deficit. Like take this letter I was reading last night after my milk and cookies, “Dear Mr. The Obama, My name is Jimmy and I have no feet or tonsils because some mean old doctor took them when he was having Orally Fixated Vaginal Syndrome”
Barack Hussein Obama
If you feel the need to reference the original Poozees® thought process blog you can find it HERE ..