Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The More Things Change The More They Stay Depraved - Volume 2

It's important to know what your position in life is, and I try not to take myself too seriously, while at the proper moments, taking myself way too seriously. It isn't as confusing as it sounds, and anyone that reads my blogs more than a few times knows that I have an interesting filter as to when is seriously and not seriously. I can rant and rave all of my misogyny crap in one blog and then the very next blog speak of my own brains leanings towards complete and utter perversion, un-apologetically and without hesitation for example. This isn't hypocrisy, it is accuracy, because like all human beings my mind works in a certain way and my actions related to them dictate who I am. Despite the fact that I am a complete and utter pervert who some day may crash a car while I am staring at a mini-skirt when I should be paying attention to the road, it doesn't give me the right to denigrate women purely for being women. I don't even consider it to be a careful balance, because how my mind works and how I choose to display it publicly is my choice, and circumstances are ALWAYS different based on the format they are displayed. I have had many a person try to define my honesty as being whatever and it never works.

When it comes to my job, I never mix words with the people I work with either. I have had people question my words in the blog, and how it truly relates to the people I work with, when it isn't in a “cartoon like” format. Most would be shocked to see that I probably treat the people I work with worse than I even portray them in the blog. Sometimes I have to take a realistic approach to explaining a simple situation that usually I would turn into a cartoon just to prove a point about how I can take the mundane and wrap it in a prettier package. This would be one of those examples as I explain why I could be described from many by either of my distinct “hats” that I wear at work. There is Jeremy the “Janitor” that cleans up after everyone, in most cases the most hideous messes known to mankind, which gets laughed off but also leads me towards the self righteousness that I often display. I happen to know the truth about just about everyone I work with at a base level, and the intelligent of my co-workers usually allows me my “wide birth” as I know truly where the bodies are hidden, or more to the point who is and who is not worthy of the attitudes they display. Most of the people who display the attitude of “better than” have habits that are far worse than those that they display as “less than” and thanks to a healthy dose of “sarcasm” from myself, they tend to get over themselves rather quickly.

The second of my distinct hats, is the one that was given to me along the way as I had displayed my ability to smack people in the chops when I found them to be full of the “crap” that they leave laying around for others to deal with. This is the “Purchasing Projects Coordinator” {what a strange title} side of me, that does all the research and ordering for most of the services of the company. I stole this job actually when I was sick of just being “the janitor” and have had it expanded on me pretty much monthly as my particular brand of “honesty” and “reality” makes me perfect for dealing with inventory, and cost. Take the scenerio the other day when I had received an e-mail from one of the people with the power to fire me, about “leaving spare bottles of hand sanitizer out so people can grab one when they need one” which would seem like such an innocuous idea in the open. I had replied to the request with a “no” and stated that I would replace them when I see that they are needed, as I always do.

Of course this stupid little exchange {typical in my job} continued as she wanted me to understand that it would be easier for everyone to simply grab one themselves when they run out of them. Now for those who don't speak “Entitlementese” the English translation to that is, “The ones we stole and took home with us last time have run out, and we were either forced to take the ones home from our desks, or need to replace those before we have to steal the ones from our desk,” and this is where a cost manager comes in. By being a self righteous jerk, I have managed to lower the company costs by around 9000$ a year just on the simple office waste. This requires the ability to have a sense of humor as you will be tested on every level by childish people who are older than you are in most cases. They often try to impose “superiority” on you when they do it, and the only defense is to remember that you are dealing with your children only in the work environment. If you think about it, this is a sanity device when you get the e-mail back telling you that you are treating them like children, but at the same time know that they actually are.

Do I earn many friends from this? Well yes and no. I earn a level of respect somewhat because I at the very least am treated like I won't lie. The funny thing about it all is that I will lie. My honesty about that probably helps to. I know the difference between necessary honesty and unnecessary honesty, which is probably the hardest art to master. As funny as it sounds to say “No your fat ass makes your ass look fat,” it isn't the proper thing to say when someone asks you if their jeans make their ass look fat. I will say something along the lines of, “They are unflattering,” but it isn't my job to make people miserable for my own enjoyment. The lunacy of statements often assists in this regard, because when someone has a really really bad habit, often blowing it out of proportion will make someone laugh while planting a seed. Constantly calling the piles of toilet paper on the floor in the bathroom “Hamster's Nests” has installed a fear in a few of the people that do it. Pointing out to people that could fire me that certain items that they wanted stocked more often “disappear” while making it appear that I am blaming someone else {when I know they do it} usually makes them back off with a bit of humility left. Well until they read my blog I suppose ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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