Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Evolution of Pink Mafia High Command - Volume 1

All is not well in the great city of Megalopolis, as the dreaded Pink Mafia is under assault by another faction of evil in the world that you may call the IRS {THEMAN} and has been for many weeks now. Unfortunately in today's world boys and girls, any company or evil empire that was able to claim profits last year must have stolen it, or cooked the books, and our friends in the government holding company are on the scene to get those profits before organizations do something “profitable” with them. This form of minor evil Capitalism hasn't even escaped the hugely evil Pink Mafia, and for that alone they need to be punished.

It's not like everybody's favorite super villain turned super hero, wasn't appraised to the current situation. Just last week the super secret “red phone” on the desk in the Superdaddylair had gone off, and through bleary eyes and fear of orders from the Mr Spock like voice on the other end, the Superdaddyman had answered, honor bound to the world as he is, “What do you want now?”

The humming of teleprompters filled our handsome young {quit it!} hero's ears and then a droning voice started up a few seconds later, “Good Afternoon. This is the POTUS and I have a dire emergency that I, the POTUS need some assistance with while I do the work of the American people,” being no fool the Caped Pervader made no offering of said support finding that it would make the conversation horribly long if he knocks the “One” on the other end off teleprompter so he waited for the applause line to end. “I have detected that an organization that you have been watching for us recorded a profit, and is providing Cadillac health plans for the people that work there, so I of course had to authorize your friends at the IRS to go in there and see if there are other ways that they can help the American people with some more donations to vital social programs,” does this guy ever shut up about the great I? “With your help I'm sure that we can get to the bottom of this, and spread the wealth to the people that truly deserve it. Thank you for your support,” and with that the hum of the teleprompters ended, and so did the “conversation” for lack of a better word.

In Superdaddyterminology, this can't be good. A visit from THEMAN usually leads to lack of raises, and the Superdaddyman was due his next month! It also means that the entire Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} will be in disarray at the lowest levels, and you know who is in charge of the lowest levels after all? Dread was the least of Superdaddyman's problems, as this little visit from THEMAN was going to lead to more work for him with less light at the end of the tunnel, and let us explore the “more work” as it pertains to this story, and grab some “updates” of the “less reward” next month.

Now of course rule #1 in Megalopolis {credo #6} is simply put “Never help with anything, because it becomes YOUR job from that point forward,” and that is a given. Any time the Superdaddyman has “helped out” with something outside of his purview, it has turned into a “never gets done” with the added attitude of “that's your job” thrown on to it. The Superdaddyman likes to be helpful and all, but there are certain things he will NOT do no matter what, and he doesn't care if it reflects poorly on him. Direct lines of communication to the highest ups in the organization have agreed with this attitude, since they have found their own workloads getting bagged down by the same philosophy. There are two trash cans left in the entire PMHQ that are always overflowing, and disgusting because of this philosophy, but in the end it always comes down to a loud and demeaning “learning experience” to anyone who tries to point it out to him. The most important “do not do no matter what” on the list is the dishes in the offices.

How do the dishes factor into all of this you may wonder? Well the sinks are a part of the Superdaddyman's workload, and that is inevitably where all of the dishes end up. He will take them out of the sink, and then place them into the dishwasher {assuming there are no clean ones in there} or he will take them out and stack them on the counter. He will even go as far as to start the dishwasher when it is full. He will NOT put them away! Now of course, we would love to say that the IRS audit is the reason they aren't putting them away these days, but that would interfere with the theory of de-evolution that the Superdaddyman had formulated years ago as it pertains to these people. The dishwasher was filled and started last Wednesday, and as of Tuesday night they have not been put away. More over they are out of counter space from all of the dirty dishes stacked up on them. The smell of the food in them alone, is starting to attract flies.

There are some side notes that need to be added to the theory of de-evolution as well. Now aside from simply emptying the dishwasher, they have all taken to cleaning dishes individually to use, since they ran out of clean ones days ago. This requires a secondary level of de-evolution since, rather than use the same scrubby sponge each time, they have exhausted the supply of scrubby sponges from under the sink. Last night the Superdaddyman had to empty the sink and stack them on the counter as well as pull 6 scrubby sponges out and stack them on top. There was even a super secret communique {e-mail} about more scrubby sponges. Realistically the Superdaddyman has had an easier time training a 9 year old criminal mastermind on what is and what is not STUPID in this world. If you throw in the fact that every client the Pink Mafia brings into the HQ has to walk past this monstrous pile of dirty dishes to get to any of the offices, de-evolution apparently strips you of your pride too. More shall be revealed.

Let us not forget that while this war is being executed in the PMHQ over who will and who will not be doing the dishes, the Superdaddyman is still owed a few hundred dollars for all of the extra work he did over the holidays. There is a smug satisfaction that while they are too busy to pay him for all of the tiles he had purchased out of pocket to re-tile the offices during their holidays, they are now to busy to put away their dishes. That's a great “good will” gesture to get someone to help you out with a job that inevitably he is too smart to “own” for the rest of his existence. This will lead us into our next issue that the Superdaddyman must tackle while being grumpy about not getting the money owed him.

Yes, complicating the situation even more is the fact that while they are too busy to put away the dishes, and are justifying all of their expenditures, everyone in the PMHQ is getting new furniture, and guess where all of the rubble from packing and old furniture being destroyed is going? If you guessed “the designated locations” then you would be WRONG! This is another one of those “watershed” issues in the company as the Superdaddyman WILL NOT guess what is trash and what is not trash, even if he is kicking what is obviously trash out of his way to empty THE TRASH! This gives all of the guests to the location coming in and debating whether or not this is an operation they would like to do business with another wonderful view of company pride and efficiency. Yesterday most of them had decided that stumbling over the piles of garbage was either getting embarrassing or inconvenient and had dragged a lot of it to the hallway {a designated location} so the Superdaddyman could dispose of it. Anyone from a parent to a maid understands that picking up other people's shit and trying to decipher whether it is “shit shit” or “my shit” is an impossibility that will bite you in the ass, so “the rules” are “the rules” to protect against company dictated “dumpster diving” and crybabyism.

As the Superdaddyman again reasons his way through all of the eccentricities of an ever quickly de-evolving Pink Mafia, he finds himself quipping to one of his super secret operatives on the outside, while secretly plotting revenge on the Pink Mafia as usual. Of course she pointed out to him that perhaps they are doing that themselves and it might be part of the de-evolution process. The scariest thing that our favorite young {damnit he is he is!} super villain turned super hero could even think of is that within a month he will be walking into the PMHQ to see tadpoles and eggs behind all the desks when they finally de-evolved past the point of return! Of course that WOULD solve the dirty dishes problem ;8o)

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