Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Superdaddyman Takes on the Pink Mafia - Volume 18

It was a blustery night on the streets of Megalopolis, as everyone's favorite super villain turned super hero made his way down the slushy streets, on yet another of his deep cover missions, to thwart the great evil that is The Pink Mafia! Four long days had since passed from the last day he had infiltrated the hideous hide out of the Pink Menace {PMHQ} and much evil can happen in one day let alone four. The Caped Pervader had prepared himself for the worst, as he had been down this road before, and often as of late. Unlike the last two times that the Superdaddyman had gone four days away {Operation Praise Jesus OPJ and Operation Amateur Night OAN} there would actually be Pink Mafioso's on hand to perpetrate diabolical schemes like Operation Fill the Trash {OFT} and Operation Slush the Floor {OSF} with no reprieve.

The trek to PMHQ was slow indeed as the multitudes of people that still haven't mastered Megolopian concepts like “driving in snow” and “thinking while at the wheel” bolstered the defensive perimeter that surrounds the PMHQ itself. The Superdaddyman has mad skills after all and can drive with one hand while giving descriptive finger signals to the many who come to a complete stop before making a right turn, and lets absolutely nothing stand between him and his duties defending the world from the Pink Mafia. Unfortunately nobody stands in cars, so that is a different story. The worst is still yet to come, but the trip into PMHQ doesn't seem to finish quick enough, so that when our favorite young {Hey! Write your own blog damnit!} super hero arrives it is to an audience who is waiting for his appearance, and the meeting that will ensue.

The Superdaddyman had brilliantly changed into his alter ego state {that simpering weenie, Jeremy Crow} before appearing at the PMHQ. It's been a lot harder since the spread of Cell Phones has all but eliminated the trusty phone booth that lesser super heroes from Krypton used to depend on, and thus the Superdaddyman's ability to seamlessly integrate the inanity of the Jeremy Crow persona on the fly sets him apart from the DC {comics not the dolts we vote for} gang. The dripping mass of scum sitting around in their individual puddles filled with sand were none to amused by the speedy entry of the star of the story, and he of course was none to impressed with the horrifying mess that they were adding to as Three Feathers explained the virtues of Fork Truck Safety to all of them. Forty minutes of brilliant questions like “what if I'm too fat to wear the seat belt?” and “but what if we really really need to lift people up into the rafters with the forks?” later, the Superdaddyman was freed to explore the damage that had been perpetrated on the facility when he wasn't around to babysit.

In his super stealth mode, you will find our young {shup!} hero surveying the first place that usually gets the most destruction. As he entered the bathroom {or at least it used to be a bathroom, under all the rubble} he notes that the person who finds throwing the toilet paper into the toilet {a novel concept} beneath him, had a productive weekend. The giant pile {aka a hamsters nest in janitor lingo} beside the toilet was almost as big as the toilet itself. The Superdaddyman walked to the PMHQ equivalent of the Superdaddycave to get the Nitrile safety equipment {extra long gloves} so that he can first deal with this. One hour into the clean up of this toxic waste pile and already he has to resort to safety equipment, this can only get better from here right? Not hardly, because he forgot to empty the trash can which is already too full to handle the pile of used toilet paper that he is already holding in front of it. There are advantages to standing in a men's room during times like these. Situations are always more embarrassing when there are women to see you living through them. After a solid hour of, chiseling piles of Boraxo, scrubbing snot off of the mirrors, dumping hydrochloric acid into toilets, chipping away at someone's booger collections above the urinals, plunging food out of the sinks, spraying, sweeping, mopping, and of course dumping the eighty pounds of trash, the Superdaddyman had managed to bring the level of the joint UP to shithole standards. One down, four to go.

It was time tho, to take a smoke break {mind your business} and attempt to get a call in to the Superdaddyman's super secret accomplice, so that he can get some super secret advice {pity} which he receives with aplomb {the “on the phone” version of the chatty hand} he then takes on the second of the massive bath-hells. Same story, different location. Of course the major difference between this one and the last one is the humongous pile of toilet paper is tantamount to a huge “spit ball” since the roof leaks like a full running faucet directly above it. This is the norm as it had been for the last several years, and the fact that The Pink Mafia specializes in products that are supposed to stop things like “leaky roofs” we are starting to get the impression that it may never end. Of course it saves the need for protective equipment as this slop hole is easily cleaned with a shovel. We won't even get into what the stains appear to be on the back of the stall door, but it is safe to assume that the MENSA candidate that put them there at least isn't using it to create more of himself.

Back at the PMHQ Brain Center {PBC} one would think that the Superdaddyman would have it a lot easier. This after all is the place where the PMHQ High Command {PHC} has their lairs, and as everyone knows it is the lower factions that have less sanity and class. Not hardly, boys and girls, because there are several myths in this world that we are going to dispel for all of you right now. While in a lot of cases, a woman does keep a better home than a man, the most filthy animal devoid of any class whatsoever is the human female when told that they don't have to clean up after themselves. The PMHQ is no different than the rest of society, and the level of mess that seven women can create in proportion to ninety eight men, isn't even comparable on the same scales. To put it in a better perspective, at least the men throw all of their toilet paper on the floor in the same pile! The women find using the same spot to throw their toilet paper scraps beneath them. Even suggesting that they are sitting on the place that toilet paper goes is a personal attack that will land you in six months of sensitivity seminars, so walking into a ladies room always requires a broom and dustpan. OSHA actually came in and fined them {God I wish I was joking here} for what they did with feminine hygiene products they were finished with. Four days is an awful long time to go without adult supervision here.

The mess hall {they call it a kitchen but trust me, mess hall totally fits} finds a full dishwasher, and two full sinks. This was an all time new record, since usually you can pile the dishes up beside the sink. This time there wasn't enough room, and the Superdaddyman was forced to pile some of the dishes on the floor in front of the sink. It is in section 491, article C, that super heroes DO NOT wash dishes, and like anything else in PMHQ, the first time you relent and do something to be nice, you own that task forever. The Superdaddyman has fallen for these things before, but has held strong on the “dishes” front. The trash cans throughout the facility were overflowing, but that was easily rectified. The carpet was like a gravel driveway from all of the sand that was carried in over and over again thanks to “smoke breaks in the snow” {not the Daddyman's} and a certain level of “what the hell do these people say to clients when they come in and see this?” fell over the humor of our hero.

The night has been exhausting, and the Superdaddyman is again bleeding from inside his mouth. Overexertion and cleaning up after slobs go hand in hand, so it was to be expected. An effort from a lesser super hero {eat that Spider Man} would have resulted in failure, but the Superdaddyman is no usual superhero. The fate of Megalopolis is safe for yet another day, as he had managed to yet again infiltrate the PMHQ and keep the maniacal Pink Mafia under control, and on this day he may have even managed to keep the biological terrorism of this mighty fortress of evil, from destroying a rainforest somewhere. Of course he did manage to clean up the equivalent of a small forest from the bathroom floors as well. It is always about the small victories boys and girls, so keep the faith, spread the word, and hope that there are always super villains turned super heroes like the Superdaddyman to protect Megalopolis from the PMHQ and The Terrorists Organization Known as the Evils's ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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