Monday, January 25, 2010

Some More Reasons HE's the Superdaddyman Afterall - Volume 1

It's been a few years since I broke down the hierarchical structure of the Pink Mafia for everyone, or the Pink Mafia itself. I often get so hung up in my own cleverness that I often think that the same people that read my blogs 5 years ago read them now, and in reality I think I am becoming rather dated in my own mind. Its not that hard actually, as I have tried to make it easy enough for me to remember, and that can be a hard fraught battle on the best of days. Those who don't know me probably haven't had the honor of talking to someone who truly is working on 3 or 4 things in the background while attempting to comprehend what is being said to his face. Because of that I have to keep some things simple to begin with.

The Pink Mafia is a euphemism for the company I work for. A certain weatherproofing company that uses “The Pink Panther” as it's symbol, located in Ohio. Nobody should be able to figure out who that is, after all. The structure of how I classify the members of the Pink Mafia is set in a simple Native American similarity, in what was at one time an attempt to keep it all anonymous. Of coure all of them have stumbled upon all of my writings at one time or another and have taken to calling each other by the names I give them in my blog, so I don't even have the anonymity factor anymore. I also don't have the common decency to stop talking about them all in my blog, because I am a firm believer in demonstrating the de-evolution of society as best as I possibly can. Ask around, because I treat most of them the same in real life. Examples to follow.

The structure works like this. At the top of the ladder you have the PMHQ {Pink Mafia Headquarters, but more commonly referred to as the Pink Mafia High Command}. This originally was brought out in my series of blogs called “Musical Methadone and Mental Masturbation” which simply was an analogy for going through a night at work with songs stuck in your head and how you try to get rid of them. They did take on a life of their own at one time. The PMHQ is the uppity ups in the company that I have not assigned specific names to because I am crazy, but not stupid. If the idiots on the floor can find my writings then a bunch of people sitting at computers all day probably can too. I did identify my ultimate supervisor {Great guy. The person to whom I proclaim all of my values and moral clarity from, who has found this place in the past and I better cover my ass there} as 3 Feathers. There is the supervisor directly beneath him {probably can't read anyway, if the ADHD would ever allow him to get past a sentence} who was given the name 2 Feathers. Then there were the tow people {since fired or quit} who acted like 2 Feathers when 2 Feathers wasn't around, “Thinks He's 2 Feathers” and “Thinks He's 2 Feathers Nappin” but in reality they are 1 Feathers at best. There is the guy I work with most nights “1 Feather Red Stripe” and several 1 Feathers also with a secondary. “1 Feather Bitching” and “1 Feather No Hablo” and various others. Then there is “No Feather” or “Him Actually Squaw” who is related to 3 Feathers and gets away with everything.

The only characters that actually get real names in the whole tale, are those that have had some sort of evil interaction with The Superdaddyman {the loveable, ideal who all women drop to their feet in front of, all men fear with a sense of awe, the unwashed masses envy …. Hey! Write your own blog then damnit!} like probably the most famous of them all Paco Taco {who has since surrendered to the awe inspiring evil of the Superdaddyman and has become a non issue} King George, and a few others. Needless to say they all come up from time to time and in context, they all play their parts in the world of the Pink Mafia. They never actually die, they simply move on to other projects and rear their ugly heads when least expected. Today I need to christen a new character we will call “No Feather with a Bosnian Accent” {NFBA} who is a co-conspirator of No Feather {NF} and the context to how they fit into the Pink Mafia structure. This ain't pretty.

It happened a few months ago, but I was asked about how I deal with certain elements of “cronyism” in the company, and believe that this is a perfect opportunity to get the point across that deviousness is an ally that most just don't explore. You see, one of the major problems with working with “the boss's son” is that sooner or later he either becomes the type of person to exploit everything, or the type of person to walk on eggshells because his father wants to show he is an asshole to everyone by taking it out on his kid. In PMHQ it is the former and not the latter. Because of this, nothing is safe in the joint, and that includes food, and beverages. I long ago gave up on any fresh food that I didn't bring in daily, but there are times when you want to just store your drinks in the refrigerator, and a certain little prick will drink them all when you are home sleeping. It gets worse when you consider that the Bosnian Know it All {Central Bosnian, hates everyone including Eastern and Western Bosnians, argues about everything} decides that if No Feather is going to act a certain way then so is he. It's infuriating, that you have to work with people like this. To put it all into Superdaddyman terms it would look like this ..

Again everyone's favorite Super Villain turned Super Hero, The Superdaddyman is forced to deal with an evil that is so unspeakable, it is quite deniable. Operation Get The No Feathers {OGNF} is on, and we are ever so lucky that the Caped Pervader has the tools necessary to deal with them! It was a simple motive to achieve a complete learning experience {because after all boys and girls, why not teach when we fight crime} that the Superdaddyman needs to get this gang of two to understand the ramifications of their actions. In the dark shadows of Pink Mafia Headquarters {the janitorial closet} our brave young {shoooosh!} hero take the super secret ingredients {createin} necessary to doctor his elixirs {Gatoraide} in a manner to install education upon these evil fiends! Many who do not understand, simply don't understand. Createin is an element that bodybuilders {like the viral and awe inspiring hero of which we speak} use to gain water weight inside of their muscles by drawing the bloods potassium into the muscles. It takes about a week of getting used to, before it does any good, but once your blood is saturated with it, then it is all systems go! By adding several milligrams to each bottle of Gatoraide our famously brilliant star of these here stories, creates a devastating {albeit for the most part safe} concoction that will inform, and educate the little punks … um … No Feathers that it isn't always safe to drink other people's drinks.

Of course the next day after securing the streets of Megalopolis from The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils's {TOKE} the Superdaddyman then proceeds to make sure that all is well with the fair maidens in the town, before heading to PMHQ. There was no amazement in the eyes of the Superdaddyman when he entered the gates of the PMHQ to see that the vehicles of NF and NFBA weren't there. He also wasn't surprised to see 3 Feathers and Paco Taco waiting for him by his desk with differing looks on their faces. He also didn't acknowledge that he knew why they were waiting, and forced 3 Feathers to ask why his 2 daytime people left work 6 hours early with horrible stomach pains and a raging case of diarrhea. The Superdaddyman feigned his shock over the whole dilemma that 3 Feather appears to be going through, and then waited for him to add what he was waiting for, “They seem to think that you spiked the Gatoraide that was in the refrigerator!”

That was what the Superdaddyman was waiting for as he struck with the keen instincts of a pit viper, “Do you mean MY Gatoraides that were in the refrigerator?” and he left it at that while 3 Feathers tried to get him to commit more. Unfortunately for 3 Feathers there was a point being made here, and our favorite Super Hero's intellectual prowess is honed for situations like this, so there would be some sort of acknowledgment of the theft before there was an answer. After 3 Feathers made a gesture that obviously said, “Yes your Gateraids” the Superdaddyman continued with “Well they were MY Gateraides so if I wanted to add createin to them then that is my prerogative.”

The Caped Pervader was about to get an answer to why Paco Taco was on the scene. He had assumed that it had something to do with the Superdaddyman spiking the drinks while on “his watch” and was hoping that some sort of irrational yelling on behalf of the actually criminals would befall him. Paco Taco held up his hand and 3 Feather pulled a 10$ bill out of his pocket and laid it on his palm. He then looked at 3 Feathers and said, “See what I go through? You didn't stand a chance of busting him on this!” which was a bit enlightening to the Superdaddyman, but still left a bit of a “Curses Foiled Again” angle to the whole thing, despite the whole “And I would have gotten away with it to, if it wasn't for that meddling Superdaddyman!” angle that the other two nimrods were going through at home on the toilet ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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