Thursday, January 14, 2010

Livin With Evils's - Volume 32

Well it was about 2am when I got a text message on my cell phone. It was my wonderful daughter that I spend so much time bragging about for her virtue, and good sense, and it didn't take me very long to realize that a text message from my seventeen year old daughter at 2am is NOT a good thing. I might love her to death, and place a lot of trust in her but I am not stupid. Ok now that most of you have gotten your composure back over my statement that I am not stupid, let me explain how my daughter made me look stupid through her own stupidity.

Well the message looked exactly like this, “So im ready for whatever your gunna give me … I snuck out and im with Prazius Boycrazius I came home and all the doors were locked so he picked me up and now we are waiting for you to come home im sorry but id rather deal with you than Greektradgedius Intraining because she holds grudges” and I stared at the screen in shock.

I sent back the message saying “Oh yeah, it's going to be that easy?” and started driving home from work plotting how I was going to deal with this. Her next message didn't help the situation.

“What? I know im in deep shit im letting you know before Greektradgedius Intraining does because she obviously knows her tv is on upstairs she was waiting for me,” and her words rang through to me through that text message as I realized that the real reason she was talking to me was because she wanted me to protect her from the wrath. Not this time sister!

I sent back the message “You BOTH will be waiting for me in the driveway when I get home” and left it at that so I could plot their demise the whole way home. The half hour drive home, is a wonderful stint of time to plot, and I was already pissy that this little idea that the two of them had was interfering with my enjoyment of the third Sookie Stackhouse book. To be honest with you I was infuriated with them both, but they both have a certain level of fear in me if I play this right. I was angry because I was going to have two women {Greektradgedius Inyiddish and Greektradgedius Intraining} following me around with the “I told you so's” for at least a year, and I wouldn't wish that on my mother.

Needless to say they were both waiting in the driveway, heads down, and I told them to wait by the front door until I let them in. I went in through the garage and took my time to getting around to letting them in. This means a lot when you are in New Hampshire and it is about 4 degrees with brutal wind out at 2:30am. This of course is thanks to the “total package” of this deceit that not only was bad but it was humiliating to me personally. Being her advocate against all the people that have no faith in her, she did after all demonstrate that I should have no faith in her either. Of course the one thing that I can truly have faith in is that she still can't get away with anything. More on that in a bit.

Sitting Lazius Boycrazius and Prazius boycrazius down I started off simply enough, “So did you have fun while you were out?” and I have been told in the past that my infuriating calmness can send the devil himself into a state of fear. They didn't seem to have an answer to this one, so I added, “So what was so important that you risked everything to see each other?” To make a long story short the younger and more tearful of the two pointed out to me that it was their 11 month anniversary. Ah how sweet to be so young and stupid. I might have been that young and stupid myself had I not been drunk all the time, but I digress.

“So for the anniversary of something so menial to those over the age of 17 the two of you have made it so that you can't see each other on your 1 year anniversary? How amazingly Romeo and Juliette of you?” and I said his without a voice change or any sort of inflection. “And so you know, you two will NOT be spending your 1 year anniversary together because you are both banned from each other for one month,” which probably came out with more venom than the last. Of course I was in the zone so I continued with the brutality of words.

I looked strait at her when I talked, “I brag about how wonderful you are to all my friends. I talk about how proud of you and your decision making skills I am, and now I am just as humiliated as I can possibly be. Here is another case of me making the wrong decisions in who I trust and who I defend. Now I am going to have to face the other two women in this house and have to admit I was wrong when I defended you as someone who wouldn't do something like this,” and her eyes were filled with tears. I would love to believe that it was all because I was so disappointed in her but lets face it I was that age once and I know being caught is the end of the universe.

I turned to him and started, “You on the other hand, I bring you into this house, I treat you like my own child. I treat you better than your own parents and this is the way you thank me? I am probably even more disappointed in you because EVERYBODY tells me it is complete folly to trust your daughter with ANYBODY. That all changes tonight,” and addressing them both “You think Greektradgedius Intraining can hold a grudge, you ain't seen nothing yet.” I did throw out there that what she did was the most MAE thing she had done yet, and that unfortunately for both of them they don't have the type of parent that simply doesn't give a crap like we had. This was going to meet out punishment.
I sent him home at this point, mostly so that he could drive away worried that she was really getting it, and he was running off {2 years of college level psychology finally pays dividends} and after he left I explained some more things to my darling daughter. This was after I had scheduled a time for him to come over so that Greektradgedius Intraining could yell at them both too.

Needless to say I did actually tell her that I understood what she was feeling but it didn't make it right. It also didn't mean I would accept it either. I told her that she is on the verge of being completely her own person and this is no time to start dropping the ball since she is so close to taking the full credit for the stupid things she does. On that note I also gave her the list of other things I had let her slack on up until now because “at least she wasn't the type of person to sneak out with her boyfriend” so I might as well work on those things now too. This list included her sloppy environment and the fact that she sleeps the day away half the time. Neither are acceptable anymore or I take her cell phone and her laptop and then there will be NO Prazius Boycrazius at ALL. She also got it explained to her that this ISN'T over and if either Greektradgedius Inyiddish or Greektradgedius Intraining wanted to wake her ass up and yell at her that was tough crap. They were owed and she WAS going to school in the morning.

I then waited up for Greektradgedius Inyiddish to wake up so I could get the rest of the story, and pass along the message to Greektradgedius Intraining when she woke up that I dealt with this. I didn't actually know which one of them locked the door but since Greektradgedius Inyiddish woke up at 4 it wouldn't be a stretch to just go upstairs after Redeye was over. She actually had no idea what had gone on and if I hadn't have told her she wouldn't have even known that Lazius and Prazius had decided to sneak out. I went to bed figuring that Greektradgedius Intraining must have done it, and we figured that she had to have since there was no way Lazius Boycrazius had almost gotten away with something {yanno, as in there is a first time for everything} which means someone had to have locked the door behind her.

Yeah, so I got up the next morning all intent to hear the hole story from the other end. Greektradgedius Inyiddish would be chomping at the bit to tell me all of the Mission Impossible style tactics that went into Operation Get Boycrazius. I could hear the theme music going off in my head, dunt dunt do do dunt dunt do do .. doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo doo, and up the stairs I went. Greektradgedius was sitting in her chair completely nonplussed and watching her serials {old people talk for soap operas} and only noticed me in a passing context. “So what happened?” she forced me to ask.

The anticlimax of it all was that Greektradgedius Intraining knew nothing about any of it. She was equally surprised by the whole encounter. She was excited that she could go to school and share the story of how Lazius Boycrazius snuck out and locked herself out of the house though. Of course she would, because she wasn't the person out there defending her all this time about things like this. In her world it was a victimless crime. In my world it was another glaring example of how little I know about anything. Realistically with an extra day to think about it there is a large amount of humor in it. She is her own worst enemy after all. Well at least I can't say it's something new ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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