Thursday, November 26, 2009

Livin With Evils's - Volume 31

It's a gloomy day here in the uber-city of Megalopolis. The Seattle like drizzle falls upon the streets with absolutely no regard for the attention span of everyone's favorite Super Villain turned Super Hero, during the first near free day he has had in quite a while. Yes, every now and then even the defender of the world from The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils's {TOKE} can find himself without a cause to right. During these times when the little evil enemies of the free world are transported across state lines, {to The People's Republic of Maine} the Caped Pervader is either forced to be “social” or forced to go into “solitude.” The prophecy of Chicken Little as it may be has made it a wee bit harder to be social, or at least social by the standards of a Mega Super Hero who is trying to stay incognito while others are on the job.

It had been a long week already for the Superdaddyman, as he already had to foil a diabolical scheme by the most fierce criminal mastermind in all of Megalopolis. This had carried over from the week before when The diabolical Captain ADHD had employed one of his plots {Operation Lose all Your Schoolbooks – OLYS} and the enemy detention center that usually houses him between the hours of 8 and 3 Monday through Friday had requested a “sit down.” The Superdaddyman had used some of his super powerful retribution powers {the power to unplug the good Captains computer} to jog his memory as to where they all ended up, but he had created a feint at the last minute known as “I left them at home” on his captor during the daylight hours. The Superdaddyman was helpless to defend against this feint, mostly because his “home” apparently was Evils's for “school locker.” Of course Captain ADHD didn't think that the anyone would actually look for them, which again demonstrates his wonderful impulse control abilities.

Lazius Boycrazius had gotten into the whole arena of making the man with no plan, have to referee the latest generation of Megalopolis “Hatfields v. McCoys” as she was facing imminent suspension from her detention center over a “slap in the face.” As the enforcer of TOKE, she doesn't take to lightly to being slapped in the face, and through the aggressive use of fear and punishment, the Superdaddyman has done his best to control that atomic temper. In this instance it didn't appear to work perfectly, but did end at one backhand from Big Evil, and a call to visit El Principal! It was a true testament to the Superdaddyman's own patience and tolerance skills as he was forced to sit through a lecture about “getting along” and “zero tolerance” coming from a man who went to school with the Superdaddyman back in the riding a dinosaur, and working part time in the rock quarry days. The Superdaddyman was also being lulled to sleep knowing full well that this very man, like the Superdaddyman used to kick this girls father and uncle's asses back in the day because THEY WERE EXACLY LIKE HER! DAMN TRAITOR! It never ceases to amaze me that the same people that live an “entitled” life had children that lead an “entitled” life, and the father of the Superdaddyman {The Mac Daddy of all Evil} had spent most of his time suspended from school for whooping her grandfather's welfare taking mouthy ass! HE SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW! But we digress.

The littlest of all the Evils's is now going through her “I hate you” phase. Pretty soon here Imtoocutus is going to have to be renamed to Ihateyouticus, but we shall keep her at Imtoocutus because she still has the old lady {Greektradgedius Inyidish} fooled into being her trusted ally in the war against the good {Operation Get the Daddyman – OGD} and still bases most of her defense on how cute she “used to be. One of these days the diabolical Captain ADHD will find a place to hide that body, and we shall all be free from the 4 foot “I hate you” machine that goes from room to room reminding everyone of why she hates them everyday. Yesterday she hated the Superdaddyman because he had the audacity to keep poking her in the belly {with his super-humanly massive and strong index finger} every time she walked over and punched him. Now of course the Superdaddyman had threatened everything from telling her pastor and getting her banned from heaven to calling Santa {who still owes him from the penguin incident} and getting her Christmas privileges revoked! Needless to say the only thing that got her to stop punching him in the end was when the Northern Warden {The Mother of all the Evils's Mother} showed up to take the prisoner's away.

Well in this scene we take our fearless young {shup .. this ain't your blog} super hero, and place him into his usual alter ego {that simpering dullard Jeremy Crow} and parade him around the streets of Megalopolis, not looking for crime, but looking for eye candy. Hey! A hero has to have some downtime after all. After he cautiously slips into a favorite haunt {the local coffee shop} and acquires the necessary brain food {ICE CAWFEEEE!} he attempts to root out the perfect spot to blend in. Of course thanks to the drizzle, you will see that Jeremy Crow has plenty of places to park his fanny and catch up on his “business skirt” watching. He grabbed the most well traveled bench in all of Megalopolis and hunkered down for the show. This of course would have been a total success had it not been for another one of his arch nemesis triad spying him from her office window. This can never be good, as the fear of having his every move judged by the woman that stole his last wife away from him becomes ever more a reality as she steps out of the doorway with a puffy pink and orange raincoat that screams FLAMING LESBIAN all over it. She then makes a b-line to the poor weenie in chief Jeremy Crow, and plops herself and her Telletubby on crack coat down next to him. It was hard for Jeremy Crow, in this form to be able to control his laughter as her whole head disappeared below the collar line of the coat.

“You're a little far north, and/or a little late to be doing the Headless Lesbian thing you know” came out of Jeremy Crow's mouth as she fought to get her head out of the jacket and survey the scenery along with him. Sometimes it almost becomes apparent that her every desire is to turn every woman that catches his eye, but on that note she has much better taste than he does, so the ones she doesn't turn become fair game.

“I saw an idiot sitting in the rain, and you know how I like to idiot bash when they make it easy on me,” she threw back at our under cover super hero. “You must be having a Prozac moment now that all the secretaries pulled their boots out of the closet. How do you get your perv on without all the ankles running around?” God it's hard to deal with a woman that has had the same bedtime chat with the same people you have.

“Speaking of Prozac moment, how's that ex-wife of ours doing?” the sometimes quick through dim wits Jeremy Crow smirked back at her. Even an idiot like Jeremy Crow has had an advantage in this war since at the very least, his ex-wife left him for different equipment, and then left her for the same equipment. It's not worth smashing your head against the wall for so obviously being the wrong person for someone, but The Ex-Wife's Ex-Girlfriend {EXEX} is blessed with higher intelligence {and a better social life .. ugh} than Jeremy Crow so even being dumped for the same sex doesn't phase her.

She picked up Jeremy Crow's coffee and downed about a third of it in one gulp. This isn't anything new because as most of the faithful fans of the Greatest Superhero of all time knows this isn't any woman that Jeremy Crow is dealing with, but the estrogen filled clone that he never knew he had. This would have been the same thing he would have done to her if he had the intelligence to be that quick. She then threw out there, “She found a bigger idiot than the both of us, and they are both getting pretty fat pretty fast, in their miserable lives,” and yes she did this without even turning away from the barely above the knee skirt they were both fixated on. Here's to the start of 3 days of peace ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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