Saturday, November 15, 2008

Superdaddyman Takes on the Pink Mafia - Volume 16

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It was a drizzly evening throughout the streets of Megalopolis, and the pressures of everyday life were slowly wearing on the people of this great city. Patrolling the streets was a bit of a chore as the Superdaddymobile made its way slowly through the people who always seem to make a great fuss over catastrophes like “drizzle” and slightly damp roads. Secretly our favorite super villain turned super hero was contemplating how chaotic it was going to be when the “drizzle” became snow in the coming months, but that is neither here nor there, since he has more important things on his mind these days. The cooler weather had managed to make the fair maidens of Megalopolis, begin the agonizing process of putting their legs away for the winter, and this always made the drive to the headquarters of the dreaded Pink Mafia that much more dismal for the Caped Pervader. Within another month even the braver of the fair maidens that would still display their legs in opaque stockings would be forced to lengthen their skirts, and then within another the misery of nothing but pants suits throughout the streets.

Many do not realize how hard it is to be a super hero in a northern city, and the Superdaddyman takes his duties of battling The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s {TOKE} and The Dreaded Pink Mafia so seriously that he is even willing to give up the few perks that the job does have for the long cold winter. Even now the Pink Mafia have managed to add yet more malaise to the Superdaddyman by turning off the internet access at the Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} so that the Superdaddyman can’t import his own images of the fair maidens of warmer climates to make up for the loss of eye candy within reach. As always it is just another one of the evil subplots of Operation Get the Daddyman {OGD} and shouldn’t be all that unexpected, so the temper tantrums are usually kept to a minimum. Realistically it wasn’t even the Caped Pervaders fault that this new policy had been enforced, since it was the names of others within the PMHQ applied to the decree that turns the switch at 6pm every night and doesn’t get it flicked on again until 6am the next morning. The most agonizing part of it all was that the “abusers” of the company internet weren’t looking at important things {porn} on the internet but were drooling over unimportant frivolities like motorcycles and exhaust systems for their trucks. If there is one thing that the Superdaddyman has a harder time dealing with than the Tempspanican invasion, it is the training of the local Goobers, and this might have been the last straw.

Predicating all of this is the fact that the Pink Mafia is in the process of looking for a new night time Capo di Tutti Frutti {and NO the Superdaddyman had nothing to do with Paco Taco’s nervous breakdown, or at least that is how he is explaining it} which doesn’t look too good. The list of candidates might be a little hard to train on this end. Most of them don’t appear to have a sense of humor, and in most cases even worse they appear to be a bunch of tattletales. The Superdaddyman is still trying to deal with the new Underboss in his own little hell of PMHQ who happens to be the least respected Capo {and most of you know that is saying something} that the Superdaddyman had ever dealt with. Since Zippy the Wonder Slug had taken over the lead position in the Pink Mafia shipping department it had finally gotten to the point where the Pink Mafia Godfathers {PMG} have accepted that he and the Superdaddyman just “don’t talk” and that’s not going to change any time soon. The Superdaddyman in all of his magnanimousness had decided to list it out in very few words when the PMG had inquired of him the major issue that he had with Zippy. The response of “he’s a liar, and there is no reason at all to even say anything to him” was followed up throughout the department, and in the end it was concurred that the Superdaddyman as blunt as he always seems to be nailed it easily enough. Of course it was Zippy’s idea to cut off the internet on the shipping terminals.

Now of course the Superdaddyman is no dummy. As we all know he might even be the most brilliant mind in all the known world {ask him} so he definitely doesn’t expect perfect honesty from anyone in authority. In all reality the last thing you want in an authority figure is someone who is completely honest because it is counter productive. Even the most ineffectual middle management suck up is going to have some opinions that are contrary to Pink Mafia policy, and it is expected of them to lie about that. The problem with Zippy the Wonder Slug is that he lies about the stupidest things, and when pushed {and lord knows the Superdaddyman can push} he will plant his feet in the ground and downright argue with someone about something that is just stupid, no matter how obviously wrong he is. The incident that had finally caused the silence between him and the Superdaddyman was another one of those days when the Superdaddyman had to spend the entire night cleaning up a mess that one feather had made during the day. One feather being the one who makes all of the messes and everyone knows it. Zippy the Wonder Slug decided that rather than just say “Hey we screwed you. Tough crap and deal with it,” which is the priority of any ineffectual middle management suck up, decided to lead with “someone else did it.”

The explosion was almost instantaneous, because the Superdaddyman was not in the mood for it, but he did have to drive it in there, and that was a sign of utter stupidity that the Superdaddyman was not going to tolerate anymore. After the Superdaddyman pointed out the errors in his story he proceeded to explain to the Superdaddyman that one feather NEVER makes the messes, and then it became a nose to nose screaming match. After two strait weeks of the Superdaddyman taking pictures of the messes on his way through the door, and sending them to the PMHQ, Zippy the Wonder Slug was brought in for questioning, and a lecture about how vindictive and mean the Superdaddyman can be if pressed beyond the line of sanity. Zippy the Wonder Slug then demonstrated that he doesn’t learn very easily by crossing that line again within a few weeks, when the Superdaddyman came in to find all of the tables from the break room destroyed in the warehouse.

The Superdaddyman should have known better to actually try to work the proper chain of command, and ask Zippy the aWonder Slug why the tables hadn’t been put back in the break room as one feather red stripe had promised they would be on Saturday morning when he came in. Zippy the Wonder Slug looked the Superdaddyman strait in the face and said “I don’t know” and left the Superdaddyman to brood over it for two days until one feather red stripe came in on Wednesday. Upon confronting one feather red stripe about the issue that had left the tables in the warehouse to get hit by fork trucks he had said “My boss told me not to Saturday morning,” and he had a grave look on his face when he said it. This boss of course, being the person that looked Superdaddyman strait in the face and said “I don’t know,” has officially gotten on his last nerve.

It was time to kill two birds with the proverbial, “same rock” as the Superdaddyman has been sitting in the warehouse alone, with nothing to do but work on this Friday night. We couldn’t have that now could we? This was one of those times when the Superdaddyman had to think {not exactly long and hard but that will be the plan should his plot work} quickly and log out of his terminal in the echoing warehouse. A few simple guesses at Zippy the Wonder Slug’s password managed to get the Superdaddyman in under his login. The advantage of dealing with total morons obsessed with their own power is that they lack any real creativity when coming up with their passwords. Start with “God” and work your way down until you get it {dacheif69 ended up being the proper password} and then create chaos. In this instance the first thing that had to be done was eliminating the company firewall with a general reset {child’s play really after dealing with the diabolical Captain ADHD who eats Cisco systems for breakfast} and then work onward from there. Within about 20 minutes our favorite super hero was cruising the internet and browsing the sites that were restricted before the new ban even. Zippy the Wonder Slug will have some explaining to do, but the Superdaddyman will simply use the managerial skills that he has learned from his fearless leader. “I dunno?” ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Multiply {For Community Types} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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