Monday, November 17, 2008

Some More Reasons I am Jeremy Crow Afterall - Volume 13

Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines

Well I have entered a phase that is more appropriately known as the “off season” in my diet and exercise programs. In the body building world it usually means that period between all the major competitions where the bodybuilders go into seclusion and dump steroids into themselves in hopes to clean out their systems in time for the drug tests. In my case it simply means that time where I have to put the body away for the winter and alter my diet to add some more calories and fat so that I can strip it off in the spring. I didn’t do it right this go around because I didn’t realize that I was getting dreadfully overweight until about June and in turn spent most of my summer dieting. Most bodybuilders or health enthusiasts would have had that done by June and not starting in June, so I am hoping to stick with the program here through the off season.

Realistically I should know better. My associates’ degree is in diet and nutrition {foods and dudes} after all and I did run one of the largest bodybuilding co-ops in the country about {holds hand over mouth and mumbles} eighteen years ago. I had demonstrated that I could go from 210 lbs 34 inch waist to 170 lbs and a 30 inch waist in a couple of months, and I have done that a few times in my life, but again the malaise that can be my life translates itself into sloth from time to time. I may be a long way out of the game, but I still remember everything I learned, and maybe thanks to the age I am at now, I have been working on theories that I had heard back in school. A few of them I have been trying to disprove actually and have as usual been shown an idiot. I am here today to reveal a few of the silliest things I had ever heard {or thought were silly anyway} and had to prove correct for myself.

Back in the days of the lab, we used to formulate theories and then try to prove or disprove them on behalf of the company that had paid our grant and our tuition. It wasn’t the easiest work but for the most part it was rather fun. I had met a lot of the most famous WWE wrestlers before they had actually made it back in the early 90’s, and in turn they were able to demonstrate to me that my self-righteousness about steroids was completely correct! You haven’t lived until you have seen a woman with the face of a horse, the body of a man, and fully in the process of growing male genitals, let me tell you! It was this major setback with the vanity of bodybuilders that ended up destroying the company that put me through college, since they were promoting natural bodybuilding products and all of the people they paid to use them would get busted for steroids. In the end, most of the theories that we had proven come in handy when helping out friends to lose that extra few pounds or in some cases a lot of extra pounds, but really only help the pro types very little.

Most of the theories that I had worked on were base on data, and thus made me feel quite comfortable telling people to try them. In a lot of cases we would “pass on” other people’s data should anyone want it and a lot of the theories never held water in my mind or were simply an illusion created by something all together, but I would pass it on and give my opinion. When you were pressed for time on your own theories you can’t simply try to prove and disprove every theory that came down the old “try this” meter, so now seemed to be the perfect time to try the ones that always stood out to me, for whatever reason. Some of them of course had enough people to back them up that I would have to be a real self-righteous idiot {and I can be I suppose} to not believe them. For example Createin does add water weight to your muscles. I proved that over the last couple of months, but it does come at a cost if you don’t eat perfectly. Your body doesn’t really like it, and you have to deal with a good two weeks of the shits until your body gives up on trying to “expel” it. In all reality the results are not that visually noticeable and I would suggest using a NOS {Nitric Oxygen Stabilizer} like L-Arginine and Glutamine instead.

The second one that really got me has been artificial sun. I happen to have the most beautiful golden tan I have ever had in my life right now because for the last month I have been tanning twice a week. The theory was always that ultraviolet radiation will stimulate your skin cells to regenerate and then cause your musculature to expand at a greater rate. What a crock of horse shit huh? I used to pass on that information and then tell people that bronzed skin just gave the illusion of being bigger and to each their own. I actually gauged my progress in the last month and today was downright shocked at the real results. Keeping in mind that it could have been a myriad of other things I am trying right now I have to say that I can’t negate the fact that the UV probably has something to do with it. I’ll let you know when I stop doing the UV next week {since I am not going to get skin cancer to prove a theory after all} but I have a feeling it is correct. With a base weight of 175 and a body fat percentage of 11, I went to 185 and a body fat of 9. This will seem more impressive in a few seconds when I get on to the rest of the last month.

The third phase involved giving my body the foods I have been neglecting it. One of the most impressive {actually} steroid free bodybuilders I had ever known gave me this tid-bit many years back and I stored it, but kinda didn’t want to believe it. His problem was that he tended to get injured a lot during his training process since he didn’t have the recuperative effects of steroids that most of the people he was competing against did. To fight this off he would simply integrate a steady regimen of bad foods during his off season. I understood in principal what he was saying because the human body needs things that have to be eliminated during dieting, and not all fats and sugars are the same. His theory about not “micro managing” it was what surprised me. When you metabolism is in a burn economy, then what you put in your system doesn’t matter that much at all. Your body can take what it needs and burn out the rest rather efficiently, and more over, not getting an ulcer over worrying about every gram of food for a while does help your mental recuperation a hell of a lot too. In the last month {keeping in mind I gained 10 pounds of leaner muscle 185 by 9 from 175 by 11} I had integrated bacon and eggs with toast and hash browns 3 days a week, and pizza {Buffalo Chicken my fav} two days a week. On top of the strange way my body has been dealing with it, my joints and intestines have felt a HELL of a lot better. In theory, as it is the off season I should be able to strip off any excess should my metabolism become stagnant by spring.

Intermixed with the principals I already knew, this has been a rather fascinating start to what would typically be called the “off season” in general. I have changed my workouts around including the acceptance of a theory I had actually proven, “the older you get the better the gains with less effort as long as you rest more” which is the mantra I tell older people all the time. In theory when you get older your body actually responds to working out pretty well. The problem is that older people {and when I say older I mean past 30} think they need to keep up with the 20 year olds. You can’t and you shouldn’t, and more over why would you want to? A 20 year old HAS TO work out each muscle group every 3 days or they won’t get any gains. Someone like myself in their late 30’s only has to work out each body part every 4 or 5 days, and get similar results to one of them whipper snappers. It’s actually the kids at the gym that look at me and my 40 minute workouts and great results and get pissy, not the other way around. To offset the seasons I have started lifting lower weights and working my way up for gains, and then in the “on season” I will start high and exhaust low for definition. That is the other thing that could disprove the UV theory but as I said I will let you know after a month of no fake sun. If anyone needs any diet and exercise advice please feel free to ask in the comments. I am a trained professional technically, but keep in mind the reason I never could do it for a living, I’ll tell you what to do once. I’ll never nag you to do it. ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Multiply {For Community Types} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2008