Thursday, July 17, 2008

Some More Reasons I Am Jeremy Crow After All - Volume 12

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Today was a rather rare day in my life as I suited up and went to the gym. On that note, I am doing really good on that end. I have lost 23 {yes twenty three, viente y trec} pounds, and am starting to feel better about myself. It’s a lot easier to feel good about yourself at 183 then it was at 206, so I guess it goes without saying. My diet has been going along wonderfully since I had finally told the gang here that I just wasn’t eating at home anymore. It’s costing me a fortune, but not having to go through the rigmarole of either eating things that are “as healthy as we feel like making it” or punishing me with stuff that tastes so God aweful it would make me want to cry makes dieting a hell of a lot easier. I shall call that my new golden rule “I eat hardly enough to waste my time on things that taste horrible” and consider myself all the wiser.

Today was different in the fact that when I pulled into the gym parking lot there was a little red Mustang sitting in the parking lot with a familiar little blond sitting there. She was actually waiting for me, and was going to go into the gym and workout with me. This isn’t exactly strange or anything, as I have taken a lot of women to the gym with me, usually lesbian friends from downtown, or friend’s wives, or even going way back, my ex wife, but this one is different. She is actually meeting me at the gym in an effort to spend more time with me, and even had the grace to wear my type of workout clothes {jeans shorts and a baggy shirt} as opposed to the types of things that the gymbos would wear in an attempt to divert the attention of men.

I plunged down my createin concoction that I have lately been drinking before I work out. I’m pretty sure it does me no good, but I am a creature of habit that has been taking the crap ever since it became the bodybuilders rage, and at this stage of the game all it does is clean out my pipes ferociously about an hour after my workout. Weighing it all out though I like to have clean pipes and have been accepting it as at least something that does that, but someday it might end up in my muscles which would be nice too. She asked me if she should be drinking the stuff too and I decided that as funny as I would find it, she probably wouldn’t appreciate the after effects and told her no. Like most women she commented on how nice my hair smelled {secret weapon, a handful of Nexxus Humectress after towel drying your hair will always get this response} and casually used it as an excuse to play with my hair on the way in.

Now this is where it gets interesting, as I use her to start gauging the way other people are behaving in the gym. Again most of these people assume I am gay since I go to the gym to like “work out” and that is usually only 30 percent of why most of them go there themselves. The fact that I have shown up with some rather radical looking lesbians probably doesn’t help that either, but in this case like any of the times I brought a “porn star” looking lesbian, all the guys in the place immediately started grunting louder as they lifted. I never could understand this because I am one of those people that keeps my grunting to a minimum and almost always get self conscious about it when women are around. I find it to be a bit embarrassing to sound like I am squeezing out a very dry turd with every repetition, but some obviously think it stands for macho or something. She asked me about this as she noticed that I wasn’t a grunt pig and seemed to agree with my reasoning.

The women in the place really started acting funny, as they saw a new hen strutting around the roosters. I have to admit that my smiling over women adjusting their bosoms in their leotards doesn’t make me smile because I want to “do” any of them but because the humor over its pointlessness is overwhelming. Perhaps they should just start grunting like the guys because unlike the men it doesn’t conjure up the bathroom issues, and something a bit more carnal. Fortunately she didn’t grunt or adjust herself incessantly so it was a more comfortable environment at my end of the gym. She did ask a lot of questions though as she would be what most women would call a “bitch” never having been to the gym and looking like she lives there. I answered them all as best as I could, being Singledaddyman makes answering questions something you can do easily even while repping. We covered the basics, “why don’t you lift as much as the guys smaller than you?” {because it is counterproductive, I show off at the beach, not at the gym} , “why do you walk to the fountain instead of using a water bottle like everyone else?” {because it gives me a proper break between each set}, and of course “how come you only work out for about 45 minutes?” {because then it is practically aerobics and your body rebels against that}.

The best part about the whole affair {aside from sitting in the minivan and sharing a myoplex afterwards laughing at all the “turd” guys} was the strange looks we got after she leaned over and gave me a kiss between presses. It was a lurid look that would have screamed “get a room” that came from everyone in the gym, but the fact that it wasn’t one of those types of kisses was what made it all the better. No trying to each each other, or some huge public display of affection, just a soft little peck on the lips, and a wide grin from both of us. The looks weren’t actually the perverse feeling of rage from people who were sick of watching people snog in public, they were the faint glimmers of jealousy. As sad as it sounds I haven’t seen that look on people’s faces in so many years it is hard to count. To be honest with you, the last time I had seen those types of looks went well before all of my marriages when I was in the mental hospital and people there would get pissed off that I shouldn’t be allowed to be depressed with a super model looking girlfriend. It was the outer show of it all back then despite the fact that that super model looking girlfriend practically drove my ass there and felt guilty about it {see my deadly sins blogs for more on that} and I didn’t relish in that jealousy at all. Today for some strange reason I felt like the king of the universe over it all ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Multiply {For Community Types} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2008