Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Deadly Sins Therapy - Volume 13

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It’s all a neurotic complication of habits that makes up any human being. We all have good habits and bad habits, but as human nature would dictate, it’s only the bad habits that get noticed, not only by others but by ourselves. It’s like my favorite saying that we can meet a million kind and generous people in our lives, but the five or so completely without an upside butt reaming assholes are the only ones that will make an impression. Men who always hold doors open for ladies {a good habit} will mostly go unnoticed, while men that commonly caterwaul at women {a bad habit} stand out like a dislocated finger. In most cases, as I get older I find that my own bad habits either start standing out like crazy, or they just become less common amongst my peers, so I started paying attention to some of my worst habits over the last year. In turn I started doing something about a few of them, but have found that solving some complicates others.

The most notable bad habit that I finally managed to shrug off after about 37 years is my veracious appetite for my own fingernails. Over the last 6 months I have managed to grow in healthy looking fingernails and have replaced the bad habit of chewing them with the manic need to manicure them all the time. It’s like the person that quits smoking and decides that eating will play a more prominent part in their lives, but for the most part I found it healthier of a habit. My fingers don’t hurt as much as they used to either. Having healthy fingernails though seems to interfere with another habit I have of constantly running my fingers through my hair. I never would have noticed this habit before had I not eliminated the other one. With fingernails my hair tends to get plucked out as it jams underneath my fingernails and it is amazingly annoying having to pluck them out after doing my obligatory nervous finger comb. Regardless of how cool I ever was, this habit is becoming extremely hard to break as my hair seems to talk to me when I am trying to interact with people, and it is getting pissy about the lack of attention.

My habit of eating fat soaked carbohydrates in mass quantities, that I had acquired when I finally gave up on women {tends to go hand in hand} had resulted in my inability to distinguish where my back ended and my ass began. Traditionally I have a rather nice physique to be fair, and when I am in good health I tend to have a 44 inch chest and a 30 inch waist. It sounds a bit weird when spelling it out that way, but it doesn’t look bad. The problem with this is if I do go into a two year phase of trying to kill myself with a fork, as my doctor had put it, it goes to two locations, my belly and the flaps of “love handle” on my back above my waist. In any regard I start looking like a pear, and nobody really likes looking like a pear. It was financial issues that had finally brought this problem to bare when I just didn’t want to go out and buy bigger jeans. My diet has been a success, and I have been diligently going to the gym {good habits} and despite some realities along the way {like admitting my pants were falling down because my belly was pushing them down and not because it was getting smaller} I have lost 23 pounds in a month. Of course it has set my worst of all habits totally on fire as I am smoking more than a carton a week now. That should be a fun habit to deal with.

Health and exercise has been a bit of a financial hit too. I have to buy my own food since the Tradgedius twins refuse to eat healthy. The refrigerator upstairs is filled with crap, so I have for the most part had to buy salads and sandwiches on the fly. I tried to rectify this Saturday night by making dinner with the kids. We made a wonderful pasta with a very thick vegetable marinara, and of course I had made enough to last me a week, but for the first time in about 3 years they threw away the leftovers. After spending about 3 hours the last few nights poking around moldy old cheeseburgers, rotten vegetables and homemade pizza from weeks ago, I had finally decided that the sauce didn’t make it. The fact that I accepted it so easily is sad, but what can I do? Throw on the fact that I had to buy my kids new bicycles, so that I can take them along when I go running, and you have all the makings of a very expensive habit.

Then of course there was my favorite habit of isolating that I had to break over the last few months. This was a very difficult one to deal with and has its benefits and its negatives. Isolation happens to be a lot cheaper than being a social butterfly. Then again I can see where the isolation was leading me towards a road of some very intense psychotherapy, and I hear that is pretty expensive as well. As I don’t keep normal human hours it makes it a lot harder to be socially non stagnant. Especially this time of year when I don’t have a school to send the kids to everyday, I have a certain amount of home responsibilities that keep my social abilities to a younger level. Since I usually keep my adult interactions to a computer screen actually interacting in real time really imposed upon my habits of being rather goofy and sad. I did find a pod of friends to hang out with late at night as we all work the same hours. Some of my goofiness blend in well with the drama that the others tend to carry, but the fact that we all feel liberated by escaping from our kids for periods of time blends it all out nicely. One habit at a time after all ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Multiply {For Community Types} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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