Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Superdaddyman Takes on the Evil Tempspanicans - Volume 1

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It was a hot rainy night, with thunder and lightning engulfing the sky above. The mood throughout all of Megalopolis these days appears to be a bit grim, and the last place that everyone’s favorite super villain turned super hero would like to be is the Pink Mafia Headquarters, playing double agent for fun and profit. Said mood of dismal in Megalopolis could easily be caused by the unemployment in the area, and perhaps it could be from the cost of getting to your job if you have one. The Superdaddyman knows this all too well from the cost of filling both the Superdaddymobile and the Superdaddyvan. On the other side of the general malaise, the Superdaddyman has far too much knowledge as well. He himself has been replaced in his most lucrative surveillance position in the Pink Mafia, and this makes it far more difficult to acquire the knowledge necessary to bring down this blight on humanity. Alas, it is a far more serious issue that demands the Caped Pervader’s attention at this time, as there appears to be another invasion of the dreaded No Hablos from the far off land of Tempspanica.

Now as we all know the No Hablos are only invading Megalopolis to do the jobs that Megalopolians won’t do. Even over burdened super heroes have time to watch the news, and it has been a big story after all. Unfortunately the Superdaddyman has had a quite different experience with the No Hablos from Tempspanica that would seem to undermine the efforts of those that would like Megalopolis to be annexed by Tempspanica outright. The influx of Tempspanicans that are brought in every night in a Minivan from where they are holed up an hour away has increased to astronomical amounts as of late, and unfortunately so has the amount of Megalopolians that have been pounding on the door of the Pink Mafia Headquarters each night swearing that they will do the jobs that the Tempspanicans won’t. It’s getting to be a real ordeal, but aside from the obvious there are just too many issues with Tempspanicans to list in one tale of heroic doings. Of course we will try to get to a lot of them.

Now we must be honest about this, as much of the Superdaddyman’s issues with Tempspanicans is the fact that they force him to have to ally with one of his arch enemies. In days past he has had to ally with various fiends from the netherworld {the Evils’s for example} to save such important people as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, but those were on Presidential orders, and we can’t fault the Superdaddyman his opportunities to perv-on the Secretary of State. The downright refusal of the Tempspanicans to speak English forces the Superdaddyman to have to resort to communication with the fowl and villainous Paco Taco, and that is completely unforgivable! Left to their own devices though, the Tempspanicans are downright dangerous, through their own lack of verbal skills, and the Superdaddyman ends up spending more time fixing his old job than doing his new job. Last night for example one of the Tempspanicans used oven cleaner to clean the plastic fixtures throughout the PMHQ, and it not only destroyed them but created a gas that made everyone sick. Superdaddyman had to eat his pride and kiss the ring of Paco Taco to go yell at the idiot that just stood there smiling as he played the game of “No Hablo Megalopian Dude?”

“No Hablo Megalopian Dude?” is the mantra around the PMHQ these days, and the Superdaddyman actually does Hablo Tempspanican so it infuriates him when they switch to “No Hablo Tempspanican Dude?” every time he tries to get them motivated through their own tongue. The ingrained mentality of “we work cheap but we refuse to understand” is so centered in them that simply speaking their own language complicates things for them so they pretend not to speak it either. They don’t appear to speak “horn” either as they constantly walk out in front of the Superdaddyman as he is trying to move heavy, and precariously balanced items throughout the PMHQ warehouse. It was another ego defeating walk to the office of the Paco Taco to get him to come downstairs to force the Tempspanicans to clean up the collapses that they caused.

Now of course in all of this Paco Taco is being a useful ally. He hasn’t put up with a single bit of their “No Hablo”, “Deafness” or “Stupidity” that tend to be all of their weapons used in the war of Megalopolis. On the other side of the coin, there are so many of them now that he can’t keep tabs on all of them, and while one is burning plastic on one end of PMHQ, another two are standing in front of fork trucks talking about something in Tempspanican. All during this there are another 3 more hanging out in the parking lot doing God knows what. Did I mention that Megalopolis is roughly 3000 miles from the nearest Tempspanican border? Even the Touristbecians attempt to speak Megalopian when they make the two hour trip down here, and their *&^%ed up country doesn’t force them to speak the other language of their country at all! The Superdaddyman is simply perplexed by it all.

After a long night of having to fight back the Tempspanican terrorism, while trying to get his own job requirements finished our all powerful super hero was exhausted to say the least. He didn’t even have any time for intelligence taking, but then again there didn’t appear to be much intelligence to tend to in the whole place. The Evil HR Director who has opted to allow the PMHQ to be co-opted by the Tempspanican Empire has been totally unreceptive to the rantings of the Safety Committee about all of this, and why should she? We have two presidential candidates that are both completely ignorant to this problem, and walk in lock step to make it all a permanent reality! The Superdaddyman of course has been befuddled by the whole ordeal and doesn’t appear to have any solutions to it, since he has no desire to run for president anyway {despite all of the begging from the throngs of adoring fans} so he must try to bring down the dreaded Pink Mafia while fighting back their new wave of militant invaders, the Tempspanicans! Thoughts and prayers must go out to our favorite Super Hero, because if he can’t do it, then nobody can. Let’s hope that they don’t get joined by the evil penguins, or all hope may be lost ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Multiply {For Community Types} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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