Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Some More Reasons I Am Jeremy Crow After All - Volume 9

My walking through the social scene on the internet has been a long and often tiresome process. Every time I had sworn off of social sites and gone about my own thing for a while I inevitably fall back into some comfortable social network for some sort of part time companionship that usually ends up in some sort of full time hiding or MIA status. Lately I had found a few that appear to be harmless but the jury is still out until I have more data on them. As both of the people that read what I write know, I have had a rather sketchy past when it comes to the social networks so it is best left for me to not get so personally involved in them. I might know the right path, but stray often.

I finally decided to let a site {a Yahole owned site none the less} take care of all of my online photos, so that what little of my demented family that gives a crap can simply log in there and look at any new pictures I feel like sharing. This is actually part of a grander scheme that I have to keep these people from visiting me or, worse yet, calling me on the telephone and dragging me through the mundane chat that usually follows such awkward situations. Most people can be satisfied with pictures and I can be left alone to sit in my underwear and tap away at my keyboard like God intended me to. My online friends can be sent there on the off chance that they send me an e-mail threatening to “catch up” sometime, and for the time being it appears to be the best solution. The other one appears to be less like the Myspace and Yahole debacles I have swamped my over cluttered mind into, and relies more on cute gadgets, as opposed to actual substance. This works as it keeps me substantially aloof to do things other than explaining to people on a one on one basis my own mundane existence.

Of all the gadgets I play with there the best “sitting at the desk for a smoke break” item is called OWNED. For myself it is horribly addictive and in my idle moments that I need to fill between yelling at kids, and cleaning up after them, it has a lot to offer me, and for some strange reason I just can’t get enough of it. The object of OWNED is to buy and sell {with fake money of course} pictures of people ranging from your friends to total strangers, and also ranging from pictures of the dog, to scenery, to pictures of their babies, to in some circumstances more adult photos. Throughout all of this you are trying to get your own photos to be auctioned off for higher and higher prices to increase your own value. There are a lot of side dynamics that I may be the only person to notice, or then again might only understand a small piece of, but it fascinates me. I think I have become quite good at the game really, and my pictures have gotten up there in price, at least for a guy who uses his real photos anyway.

Now when I say I have gotten good at this I mean that I have learned how to manipulate the system a bit, and to a hacker like myself that is what it is always about. I “slave trade” to increase my own cash balances {called “lunch money” by the system} which is simply setting the search settings to “Girls – All – All – Lowest to Highest” and then hitting “Search” until it gets to a pod of pictures that are valued under 200$. I buy them all up as quickly as I can because I am not the only person doing it, and then they usually get bought up quickly by others trying to do the same thing. All of them will get you a 25$ profit, but many of them will get caught in a bidding war that can get you a profit much higher for your 2 seconds worth of work. One photo I bought for 1$ made me a profit of over 100,000$ the other day and usually 1 out of 10 will make you 1000$, because it just depends on how many people hit that photo at the same time and go clicker happy.

Now of course I have built up my lunch money into the many millions which gives me more opportunity to manipulate the system all that much more. I have a collection of some 30 pictures that I hold onto for personal reasons. Either they are friends or amuse me somehow, but I hold onto them for my own reasons. Some days I may find a batch of photos from someone that are valued in the low thousands and decide that I want to {out of God Complex I’m sure} drive the price of them up into the hundreds of thousands. I have manipulated this in many ways either by either changing the nickname {the owner is allowed to name the photos} to antagonize the last owner, or making it humorous enough to inspire impulse buys. There really is no other reason for doing this aside from the rush of power I assume, but as I said it amuses me. There are of course other photos that I may never allow out of my hands because I like the owners or really like the pictures, but the secret is to not let anyone know that or else they will make obscene profits off of your neediness. I have played that in reverse as well when people think they can just keep getting you to rebid, just to find out that I stop when I get my friends picture over the amount I want it at. Then I made the huge profit and placed my friend in a higher value category at the same time.

It probably satisfies the gambling addiction that runs rampant in both sides of my family. I refuse to gamble with real money because of it, but this seems to fulfill that side in me. The other addiction to be sinister gets satisfied as well as I think up newer and better ways to slave trade, and or create some sort of inner amusement. I’ve joked with a few people that we could get downright cruel with the whole thing if we didn’t have that filter of perhaps getting into heaven someday. You could actually use it to hold people hostage for example. Buy up a photo and add really insulting comments until someone buys themselves back just to get rid of you. I don’t think I would do it, but let your imagination wander for a moment about some of the things you could say. For now that is a secret evil that I will keep to myself, but the overall implications of simply buying and selling your friends, strangers and yourself are a bit more complex than how silly the games seems to be to begin with.

The other reason I love logging into the gadget when I have time is because of all the stupid messages I get {don’t get me wrong I have met some great people in there through the messages} and the complexity of how to answer them. Most of the time I just ignore the messages of “Thanks for bidding me” or the like but some of the doozies like “Why you bid me?”, “Do I know you?”, “That picture is worth more than that!” or even “Sell me now!” have to be answered and it always depends on my mood. You can’t explain the system to someone that demands you sell or buy them so you have to be a bit more diplomatic at those times. Ok sometimes you have to be mean too, but I try to brush up on my social skills. My favorite answer to “Sell Me Now!” is to write “Get prettier so someone will bid on you then”, “Do I know You?” is best answered “Not yet but as your new stalker you may want to get used to me”, “Why you bid me?” gets the best results with, “I was drunk, but as I am sobering up I am starting to regret it”, and “That picture is worth more than that!” can usually be followed by, “Convince someone else, I already own you”

Does any of this actually get me anywhere in life? Of course not, but not much of what I do actually does. As most of the things I do have proven to me, it gives me something to poke fun at in a blog entry, and you never know when something you write will be that true gem that you have been looking for to get you to the next one. I’m sure this isn’t it, but I have to fill space after all :8o)