Thursday, May 29, 2008

Musical Methadone and Mental Masterbation - Volume 26

Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines

It was a warm day for our favorite super villain turned super hero as he cruised down the streets of Megalopolis in the compact version of the Superdaddymobile. He managed to get a head start out of the gate from the Casa di Evils’s leaving behind the “Gimme Monsters” that all had their hands out expecting bribes and kickbacks for their silence as usual. The Caped Pervader was none too amused at the state of his kingdom as he had been on the road all day already transporting the Godfather of the Evils’s {GOE} from one medical argument to the next, and then a quick trip through hell to boot. In the end it was his own masterful skills of “acquisition” {the new Indiana Jones movie} that managed to rest the GOE from lurking over his shoulder, and allowing him the precious fifteen minutes necessary to do his super secret online espionage {downloading porn} and then escape through the Superdaddycave {the garage door} and head out to once again take on the dreaded Pink Mafia!

As is usually the case for our defender of the evils’s, the warm weather appeared to bring out the worst of the worst on the roads of Megalopolis. Many representatives of faraway lands {Florida} who find driving to be a harrowing and often scary task, have infiltrated the roads of the fair city hell bent on creating massive lines of cars travelling far under the speed limit. Like the GOE the coming of the warm weather often forces their pilgrimage north, merely to remind us that the snow {pronounced fucking snow} over the winter is simply the practice run for the art of truly driving slow and stupid that will haunt the lands well until the leaves become “pretty” and fall off the trees. This of course is again the training session for driving yet again in the snow {pronounced fucking snow} that will follow their exodus from the area back to the foreign nation {Florida} from which they came from to begin with. So much for the Superdaddyman’s escape from the Casa di Evils’s early in the hopes of being on time for his nightly infiltration of the Pink Mafia Headquarters {PHMQ} and perhaps the opportunity to enjoy the scenery {business skirts leaving work} along the way.

Without warning the radio starts playing one of the most corrosive, mind numbing, impossible to remove from your brain songs. “Summer breeze makes you feel alright .. Neon lights shining brightly make your brain ignite .. See the girls with the dresses so tight .. Give you love if the price is right .. Black or white .. In the streets there's no wrong and no right .. so forget all that you see .. It's not reality .. It's just a fantasy!” Oh yeah, that one is gonna stick, but the Superdaddyman will not allow the evil Aldo Nova to interfere with his important mission to bring down the Pink Mafia, as he stays ever vigilant to make sure that the Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s {TOKE} will never take over the world. Hey this isn’t any old super hero we are talking about here, this is the Superdaddyman after all!

Unfortunately the long cold winter {did we mention all that fucking snow?} had softened the Superdaddyman’s mind a bit, as he had forgotten about another vicious road terror that always seems to rear its ugly head whenever the God Like Yellow entity starts peering through the sky for longer periods of time. The fiendish, spandex clad, power aid swilling, alien helmet donning, bicycles have every right to ride in the middle of the road people are out there in force as well. You all know the type of foe to which we are talking about here boys and girls. “Can't you see .. What this crazy life is doing to me .. Life is just a fantasy .. Can you live this fantasy life .. Outasite .. Buy your kicks from the man in the white .. Feels alright .. Powder pleasure in your nose tonight .. See the men paint their faces and cry .. Like some girl it makes you wonder why,” oh geeze Aldo write another song. These are the very same people that will ride their bicycles down the middle of Route 1 during rush hour, flipping you off for not understanding their rights, and how they follow the rules of the road just like you. Of course their memory of the rules of the road or ownership of the center of it fail at every stop light when they cheerfully go around you on the right and then run the stop light to get in front of you again!

The bastards are technically only worth one point {roughly the same as that jogger who never seems to have a smile on their face, despite how happy they should be about getting HEALTHY as they run in traffic} if you mow them down and rarely justify the cost of repairing the Superdaddymobile, so as always he allows them to live. It’s progressively more difficult as Marge and Henry with the Florida plates could subtract 15 points from your total simply by slamming their brakes for imaginary animals running out in front of them as well. The Superdaddyman simply takes the wonderful stroll down memory lane as the particularly nostalgic couple in front of him slows down to about 10 and point out the window at just about every house they pass trying to surmise which one of their childhood friends died at each location they passed. “City life sure is cool .. But It cuts like a knife .. It's your life .. So forget all that you see .. It's not reality, it's just a fantasy .. Can't you see what this crazy life is doing to me!” Oh God kill me, 10 hours of this song will be the end of the Superdaddyman for sure!

Demonstrating the skill of a cat, the Superdaddyman finally leaps from the Superdaddymobile at the front door of the PMHQ and starts his sprint for the hand scanner, letting the fiendish Pink Mafia know that he has entered the building. He was forced {as usual} to knock many of the brainless hirelings of King George as they stared blindly at the Time God to which they worship everyday for the waning minutes before 6pm. As the scanner beeped it clearly stated 5:59 which meant that the usual 30 minute drive to PMHQ today took 59 minutes. It gets worse from here as all of Marge and Henry’s friends should be flooding in more and more, as the summer gets closer. The wicked voice of Paco Taco came over the PA system the second Superdaddyman had pushed his way past the Time God Worshippers and it brought a smile to the Superdaddyman’s face. “Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life .. Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life,” because this should be a fun song to butcher at the top of Superdaddyman’s lungs as he follows Paco taco around for a while ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Multiply {For Community Types} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2008