Sunday, May 11, 2008

Holiday Cheer From a Madman - Volume 1

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I had to have one of those kinds of talks with the kids yesterday and I really hate that. Parenting is the most annoying cabal on the sanity of everyone involved, and the fact that my family is a bit more fucked up than most complicates it all that much more. I imagine that the credit should go to the former in-laws though in this one, as their level of fucked up far outweighs that of anyone I have ever met. I’ve come to the conclusion that I couldn’t beat common sense into any of them with a baseball bat, and perhaps they truly have crossed over that line of usual evil that most of us with former in-laws know as common. I can’t even pretend to analyze this logic anymore as anything more than infantile and greedy.

Yesterday {meaning the day before Mother’s Day} the answering machine is full of messages from the kids other grandmother. She wants to pick them up and have them overnight, take them to church the next day and bring them back that evening. Now let’s keep in mind that this is the first time we have heard from anyone on that end in about 2 months. My grandmother has already heard these messages and has left me a note for when I get up explaining her opinion of this, but of course it is “my decision” because after all it is my job to punish, and deal with decisions that will make me miserable. In all of my years of dealing with these people I can honestly say that this was the angriest I have ever been with any of them. What was worse was that all of the kids knew that this offer was on the table because they heard the answering machine messages, and their minds {like any kids} went straight to “cool we get absentee relative gifts and anything we want to eat!”

Kids don’t think of these things. I never did as a kid and I know nobody {who’s honest anyway} that thought of these things either, but my life is based on submission by guilt and two women who use it like a cannon. Greektradgedius Inyiddish was already constructing the cross for herself in the front yard, and I don’t know if Greektradgedius Intraining had heard it yet but she would have simply inverted it all until the very sight of her would make me wish I was dead anyway. In any regards, I wasn’t playing any of the games because I had already spent 150 bucks on Mother’s Day gifts for the both of them from myself and all of the kids, and that alone made me crabby already. I don’t deserve the extra bullshit to go along with what should have been an expensive, but relatively peaceful day.

I call my former mother-in-law and explain the situation to her answering machine, and then of course still get a call from her later and have to explain it again. If that wasn’t bad enough I had all three kids come downstairs to ask me “why?” which by that time could have added more cost to my life by having to pay for the lawyers and the funeral arrangements. I decided with a very firm voice to give a history and etiquette lesson to the kids. I asked them what tomorrow was, and they all understood that it was mother’s day. The youngest thought she had the answer to that one by pointing out that they could see their mother if they went to their grandparents. I controlled my temper and asked them three simple questions, “Who wakes you up in the morning and gets you to school?”, “Who gets you to bed at night after helping you with your homework?”, and the grand finale, “And who washes your clothes, feeds you, picks you up from all your activities, and makes sure that you are safe whenever daddy isn’t here?”

It was the boy of course that broke down first. He’s an emotional cripple thanks to the family disease of being a scratching post to all the women just like his father, but I think the girls at least saw an opportunity to gain advantage by doing the right thing and in the end agreed that they had the wrong opinion of what a mother is. The youngest one of course had to rationalize it all {any excuse to talk after all} and pointed out to her mother when she called to give a guilt trip, “I haven’t seen you since Christmas, and I have to be here, you understand right?” and then she handed the phone to me. Needless to say her mother never understands, and after about 10 minutes of hearing how this was all my fault, I had to hang up on her.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand the concept of people wishing mothers a Happy Father’s Day because they have been “The Mom and the Dad” or whatever other crap concept they all tell themselves, but I actually get a bit angry when someone tells me to have a “Happy Mother’s Day” like I earned that title. I have never been the children’s mother, and never intend to. There are things that I do which closed minded people would consider “Motherly” or even “The Mother’s Job” but that is necessity because the kids don’t have a mother. I picked a really bad one and I accept that, and all of the “Fatherly” responsibilities of making up for it. I am blessed {and sometimes cursed} to have family surrogates that do some of the more “Motherly” things for my kids, and when they can’t I do. It’s the coffin I built to lay in. In general I have understood the trend to familiarize the distinctions, but I have known more women that have chosen not to have a father in their children’s life then women that have been robbed of it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t know many women that have been the father by necessity as well. I have one friend that gets really riled with me when I downright refuse to wish her a Happy Father’s Day, but let’s get real here, she has 3 kids by three different men and never once chose well, or actually considered keeping any of them as a father because she was looking forward to the state being their father. I won’t share my day with her, so she can keep Hallmark’s idea of her day ;8o)

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