Thursday, March 6, 2008

The 39th Year - Volume 1

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I am trying something new today as I am typing on my laptop in the dark. My back is killing me and I am lying in bed and hoping it just stops. I reclaimed my bedroom last night when my father got out of town the day after his last doctor’s appointment. He has to come back in a few weeks and get an MRI and then shock treatment to try to get his irregular heartbeat under control, so I only get two weeks in my bedroom. In reality I am kind of miffed at him though because he left the day before my birthday and never even acknowledged it. It’s nothing amazing as he forgot my birthday last year, but since my uncle {his brother} had come over on Sunday and made a fuss about it, I am having a hard time accepting that he just forgot.

I’ll admit that I am no fun on my birthday anyway, since now that I am 38 I have regarded my birthdays as nothing more than financial burden {this year’s total was less than last year’s 480$ to register my vehicles and 670$ to insure them} but I was happy that my Fugisis, my Okiesis, my Cybermom, and a friend who hasn’t even had a working computer the last few months {through the library computer} did make a fuss for my birthday this year. I have been less then accessible for quite a while with all the crap I deal with these days, so it really was a great feeling. My youngest daughter brought me a piece of paper that she had everyone in her class {including the teacher} sign for my birthday, which was really cute as well. It made the night at work a bit brighter as I had a list of extra things to do, and as usual no support on the things that I have been trying to do. It made me laugh really when I realized that my birthday was posted on the board at work and only one person in the whole company said boo about it.

This is a bit of a come to Jesus moment for me as I realize that every last person that is killing me these days couldn’t be bothered to wish me well on shit. It may sound like whining but it actually isn’t, and falls more under the heading of being a really rude awakening to the fact that the term “Caretaker” is a bit of a bullshitism. At work or at home the marrow is being sucked out of my bones as I walk, and in the end I take absolutely nothing. The term should be “Caredonor” or something along those lines if the conversation is too polite to call it as it is “dumbass” or “shithead” for example. I don’t actually know, but I do know that I am being put upon from all angles and I could very easily snap, and if it takes a day that I have hated for a long time anyway to finally show me that perhaps I am more worthy then what I accept then good on it.

Now needless to say, I have been sliding downward for a while now anyway. I have stopped interacting at work for the last few weeks anyway, and at home I have been more prone to discover hiding places than anything else. I have never expected any good deeds to go unpunished, so realistically I know where I have to get to in my own life. I have started to be more aggressive towards the household bills anyway. The family is starting to get really angry with me because no bill gets paid without verification anymore. I get verification that it is owed and verification that it got paid last time. At work I leave things undone now too which has made a few people miserable, but I have put my foot down about working at normal human speeds. My last tirade was to point out that the company policy of “anything Jeremy does officially becomes his job” ended as I refuse defiantly to do anything to help anyone anymore unless it is my job. An example of this was when I picked up a pile of cardboard for someone one day when I had some extra time, just to have an angry e-mail a week later because I hadn’t been picking up the cardboard since. I have made a concerted effort to not touch anyone’s messes since. They whine like babies but don’t have the decency to fire me for it no matter how many times I dare them to ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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