Thursday, March 20, 2008

Realities of a Wounded Crow - Volume 1

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Great god of the sick and suffering, is all I can imagine at the moment. The little bastards finally got me and I spent most of yesterday throwing up bad. It had gotten to the point where I had to wear a baseball cap just to keep my hair out of my face for every purge. The timing of this couldn't have been any better either since I am now here at the airport typing this out on a phone waiting for my father to come in. nothing makes sick feel worse than standing in an airport looking like ass and having everyone staring at you like you carry the plague. I feel like a character in Freejack and the good news is that I feel like it wants to come out the other end now. The bad news is that while the plane is now very late it desperately wants to come out the other end now! I’ll shit my pants before I sit on an airport toilet so let the games begin.

I look forward to going to work tonight lugging too much as the insanity of my job responsibilities get out of hand coming home to sleep on the futon and waking up to a full house. The school department ruined my day off tomorrow by giving it to the kids too. I called the school pretending to be one of those over the top indignant atheists who was going to nail myself to the front of the school for them taking a religious holiday but it didn’t appear to work. The little bastards should have to spend the day in church to compensate for my sacrifice, and learn something about that other guy who died tomorrow I suppose. In all of this the only thing that really matters is that I make it to next week and all of the early hospital visits that I have to get my father to. Should it all go right then I will be off the hook for a while.

Work tonight should be a real treat actually. The warring factions are not impressed with my attitude of NOT taking on anything that isn’t specifically designated for me. Some people are making sure that the things that are specifically designated for me are all that more difficult and what I am doing in return is making sure that there isn’t enough time to do the things that make people happy. Sounds fair to me, and I am starting to think that everyone else might just crack before I do. Ignorance is actually bliss. My boss and I have maintained a certain level of non speaking that is reminiscent of growing up in my family, and perhaps he doesn’t realize that I am a trained professional at that. I completely enjoyed not getting around to cleaning up after everyone who abused the floor sweeper last night when I went home sick, and part of me dares anyone to say anything about it. Working on your retorts is pointless because they never seem to give you the opportunity to use them. Perhaps 38 years has taught me something after all.

Well as the plane has finally arrived 45 minutes late again, I might just make it home before I have to shit my pants. It’s all about the small victories yanno? Back at the Casa, I have settled my father in as best I can and we have gone over all of the eccentricities of passing a Florida driver’s test, which he had to go through when he went back this time. I have put all of the sheets and pillow cases in the washing machine in a vain attempt to keep him from having to deal with the plague that the children have spread throughout the house, while he rummaged through the refrigerator for leftovers. Actually he is very good for that, because with him here he cleans out most of the things that would sit in there until they rot while everyone expects me to eat them. Not that I mind leftovers and all but the callous way that people handle leftovers around here makes me ill really. Seriously, if you are going to waste all of the household money on the most expensive Ziploc bags and things, how about closing the fucking things? Hard cheese and sour leftovers don’t exactly make me want to open the refrigerator, and should I have the time, I might be forced to clean it this weekend as I think some people think the fact that you can’t get anything else in there actually means it is full.

On a lighter note, I have managed to get enough Staples Boxes and Shoe Boxes together to organize the place this weekend. If I am lucky then I can convince everyone that what I am doing down here all weekend is housework and at the best of time it would make everyone avoid me like the plague. I am thinking about doing a “Housecleaning” contest this weekend and getting the kids to clean the house by bribing them with all of the crap I have found around the house while cleaning. I found an iPod that I can’t stand, and a digital camera that I don’t use that the kids might actually work hard to get their hands on. The kids have always wanted iPods {because they are young and stupid} and they love digital cameras {but not enough to actually take care of them when they get them} and might give more effort. Again I might be dreaming, but as the kids will just end up with these things anyway by birthright I should attempt to get something out of it. Wish me luck ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Multiply {For Community Types} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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