Friday, March 21, 2008

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 31

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I’m woken up this morning by Captain ADHD because Greektradgedius Inyiddish is taking him to the doctor. You see for the last year or so he has had this horrible cold sore that that comes and goes and it had been with each coming and going heading towards his chin. Well I hadn’t seen him clearly as it was a good 3 hours before I was supposed to get up so I didn’t actually know the extent of it, but I got out of futon and waited in my den for them to return.

When he came hopping in he had a large suction cup bow and arrow set, and a face covered with blisters from his eyes down his cheeks. The new toy signified bad news and pity, and the face full of blisters signified the obvious, but more data would have been good all the same. He looked a lot like he had a manifestation of chicken pox, or more along the lines of shingles, but in the wrong location. The news from GTY was that I was correct in my assumption the last time he had gone to the doctors for this, and to my horror it was herpes.

Now many of you will be happy to know that I knew absolutely nothing about herpes aside from the fact that you use it to joke about the skuzzy people you don’t like. I rather wanted to know what the doctor had said but it came out along the lines of, “Well I don’t know, she just said that he had herpes,” which was not exactly any guiding light as to what we were to do next. He was given a prescription for something I had seen commercials for on television, but my 9 year old son didn’t exactly fit the mold of the virginal looking girl holding hands with her boyfriend walking along the beach and talking about how happy she is that her outbreaks were less frequent using the product. I was at a loss, and more over I knew that my forecast for information was grim because we have to use the welfare doctors at the welfare doctor’s place. In other words, they probably didn’t know crap anyway and had some doctor code of secrecy with highly contagious social diseases which forbid them to talk to parents of patients anyway.

Of course I do like beating my head against walls and all, so I decided to call the doctor and at least find out what was going on. An hour later a nurse called me back and told me that he had herpes. I asked her what that involved, and she assured me that it involved that he had herpes. I pointed out to her that despite my lack of being able to afford a good doctor, I heard her the first time and if pressed I could actually spell herpes if she would like me to, but since I know ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOBODY with herpes I would like to have some information on what kind of herpes he has, and how we are supposed to treat it. She then explained to me that it was an HSV {Herpes Simplex Virus} and that he should wash his hands with soap and water often. I maintained silence in hopes that there was more information, and all that was offered was that she would send me the informational packet on herpes.

While sitting here patiently waiting for the mailman to arrive in a few days with an informational packet with some virginal looking girl holding hands with her boyfriend on a beach and thanking the fucking Lord that she has less outbreaks these days, I started looking online for information. My head hurts. I learned everything from cold sores, to canker sores, to chicken pox, to shingles, to genital herpes, to nasty pictures of people with lips the size of Volvo tires, to nothing really at all. This forced me to have to self educate myself and anyone who knows me knows that that is downright dangerous. Online you really find two types of herpes, Simplex One {inside and around the mouth} and Simplex Two {everywhere else} and as this has become more of an “Everywhere Else” I was forced to study genital herpes because that was the only “Everywhere Else” that didn’t involve Chicken Pox that was explained. UGH!

Now I had to loosely translate all of the “Genital Herpes” bullshit into a way to explain “Everywhere But” which included his face, neck and chest where the herpes was infesting, while learning all about and administering the medication with the picture of the virginal looking girl holding a different guys hand then the commercial and smiling big because she has a secret. Probably also smiling because guy number two looks bigger than guy number one, and lord knows guy number one was the bastard who gave her the secret to begin with, unless there was a guy number three or four. I had to explain to him that he needed to stop touching the blisters and wash his hands every time he did. The poor kid is already an emotional wreck because of his mother and now I am going to turn him into one of those overly clean gay men with a “cozy” for everything in his room I know it.

What slays me in all of this is that I often wonder {out fucking loud often too} what the end game in all of this shit is. I married a whore, had kids with issues, adopted another kid with issues, moved in with a grandmother with issues, watched her daughter and her husband move in with their damn issues, and even the fucking dog rubbing his ass across the carpet as GTIY calls it a cute trick has issues, and let’s not even go to the father that comes here once a month because of his issues. I have issues, and look now MORE ISSUES, and who in the name of Christ would have seen THESE ISSUES! Shit I have more issues than Sports Illustrated and barely half as entertaining, and if my mother shows up anytime soon I am going run away from home! ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Multiply {For Community Types} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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