Sunday, January 13, 2008

Superdaddyman Takes on the Pink Mafia - Volume 14

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It was a cold night as it always is this time of year in Megalopolis, but it doesn’t deter from the stealthy nature of everyone’s favorite Super Villain turned Super Hero. The hallowed halls of the dreaded Pink Mafia {PMHQ} were almost vacant but for the few that Pink Mafia Capo’s leave to spy upon the Caped Pervader as he tries to get through his weekly tasks unencumbered by the usual tirade of morons that would usually be there. There appeared to be extra mercenaries on hand on this evening as well, for the foreign embassy of Tempspanica had sent a few of it’s henchmen in to do some sort of tasks here and there which must be beneath those in the hierarchy. The people of Tempspanica {aka No Hablos} speak languages unbeknownst to most at PMHQ and it is one of the few things that actually make the diabolical Paco Taco useful to the PMHQ.

Our hero in this story happens to be the only other person in the facility which can bungle his way through the foreign tongue of the Tempspanicans {if he feels like it anyway} and is often forced to give English lessons to Tempspanicans with all of his free time, but tonight he didn’t feel like it. Tonight Paco Taco also wasn’t here which meant that his favorite henchman “The Toothless One” {TTO} was in charge of the Tempspanican invasion force. TTO unfortunately has a hard enough time speaking English himself and it often creates quite an intelligence vacuum in the PMHQ when one is forced to cross translate his chosen language {Goober} with English, but to watch him try to communicate with the Tempspanicans in his own dialect of broken English, is to say the least, amusing.

Now of course there are other problems with the Tempspanicans that most people have a hard time acknowledging, but the advantage of being an internationally recognized Super Hero, is that the Superdaddyman has no problem whatsoever. As these particular Tempspanicans have never had any dealings with the Superdaddyman {well it would be pointless to send the same Tempspanicans after the Superdaddyman had busted another crack in his ass teaching the last batch English would it?} and the fact that the Superdaddyman had not acknowledged them, they hadn’t realized that he understood their secret codes. When in a foul mood at the end of the week, the Superdaddyman can always find a way to make his own advantage of these things. Superdaddyman also happens to be the keeper of one of the great Tempspanican secrets. A lot of them use the art of “No Hablo” to their own advantage or in some cases their own amusement.

Now on evenings like this the Superdaddyman likes to get a lot of his more “labor intensive” jobs done without all of the morons and inbred that befoul everything they touch around. There is nothing worse than mopping a nasty floor {after scrubbing it on your hands and knees} just to have idiots walk all over it with that air of entitlement coming out of their fat mouths. “I need to get some of the Hostess Products out of the vending machine to add several more pounds to my fat ass!” is not really that warm of an excuse to someone watching muddy footprints get planted all over a floor that would have been dried in another 15 minutes. In this instance, it is a bunch of Tempspanicans who haven’t done enough work to require energy, and pretend not to speak English when you tell them to stop. This is when the Superdaddyman has to break his cover and explain it in Tempspanican. It sounds like this, “Tu Fucking Maracones!”

Now of course at this point TTO has come along to find out what all the screaming is about, and most of the things that the Superdaddyman and the Tempspanicans are yelling at each other translate quite well into Goober. As a matter of fact, aside from not involving beer, it would have seemed like one of TTO’s family Bar-B-Q’s from what we have heard, but TTO wasn’t exactly here to discuss anything with them because he had spent a better part of the last 3 hours looking for the Tempspanicans. The one place that they haven’t seemed to be apparently was where they had been set up to work. This worked out pretty good for the Superdaddyman because he was able to watch them all finally get dragged out of his way. TTO might not be as diabolical as Paco Taco, but he is about 4 times his size and even the Tempspanicans can understand the Goober sign language for WORK {resembles two little men being dragged by the scruffs of their necks} and he was able to re-clean much of what they had messed up, and then sit down and start working on the Tempspanican to Goober to English dictionary that should make him rich!

The night bounded along innocently enough until the Superdaddyman heard a loud crash and leapt to his feet. “This looks like a job for Superdaddyman!” he then cried out before he ran into the break room. One of the Tempspanicans had “accidentally” smashed out the front window on the vending machine, and then used the art of “No Hablo” to try to explain it all away. The Superdaddyman started combing his Superdaddybrain for the correct procedure during times like this, which involved the Superdaddyphone and three numbers that started with 9 and ended with 1. This set of Tempspanicans had already worn out their welcome with the Superdaddyman. The half hour of explaining it to the police {or should I say describing their vehicle as they finally learned how to move quick and speak English while Superdaddyman was on the phone} when they came in was worth the last two hours of having no Tempspanicans to deal with. Actually to be honest with you it was a bonus kill really since the Superdaddyman can’t stand the guy who owns the vending machines who will be in to ruin the clean floors around 4am anyway. ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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