Sunday, January 27, 2008

Musical Methadone and Mental Masterbation - Volume 25

Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at www.jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines

“It always could be worse,” mused our favorite super villain turned super hero, and often it does at that, as he walked away from the airport. It was a decent day in the super mega city of Megalopolis, and the Superdaddyman had just released the last of the Evils’s {the old one he used to call dad} to the Skybus on his way back to La Florida. The next mission at hand is to go back to the Casa Di Evils’s to somehow remove the smell of old pipe that infests his sleeping quarters. He had finally gotten rid of that smell a few days before Slowest Quitecrazius {new phylum, please update your notes} arrived for this round of Doctors visits. It could have been worse.

The younger of the Evils’s had been taken hostage by the inbred contingent of The Mother of all the Evils’s {TME} for their weekly “visitation” and then were to be transported to TME’s parent’s house. TME as everyone knows is not allowed to have the Evil’s at her house, so they usually visit the inbred faction through her parents. Now as we have told the tales of TME, she has serious mental and emotional problems that preclude her from being allowed to be around the Evils’s alone, but she has just come for her third visitation in the last 18 months {actually 4 years, but 18 months since the agreement that she could see them on Saturdays} which meant that she was entitled to more. This of course was completely in her mind alone, but she had no problem dragging the Superdaddyman off to ask “So when can I start having them overnight?” The Superdaddyman was NOT happy about this but took her into a secret location {the kitchen} to negotiate peace talks.

The peace talks went something like this, “You finally come every other week for a month to visit and still refuse to pay child support. When the state comes looking for you for failure to pay, you will move away, and that is NOT responsible. That is NOT a steady environment.” TME decided to start arguing, and the Superdaddyman was forced to point out that he will not put up with any nagging when she won’t even fulfill her parental responsibilities. TME will never understand. It could have been worse.

It is now up to our favorite super hero to try to understand complicated social processes like “What to do when there are no Evils’s” and for that he required a little assistance. He consulted one of the foul villains in the Casa Di Evils’s {Greektradgedius Intraining} as to how one would spend their free time {aside from downloading and sorting porn from Usenet} and she recommended the movies. Well not just the movies but a movie in particular. The Superdaddyman had seen advertisements for this movie, and it looked bizarre but starred Daniel Day Lewis, which most likely meant that it couldn’t be too bad. Superdaddyman packed up the smaller of the two Superdaddymobiles {powered by Ford} and headed off for a nice relaxing evening at the movies.

The official Superdaddyman review of said movie - “There Will Be Blood” will be one of those movies that every light in the loafers, sitting on a white sofa, with small yappy dog that looks like a feather duster, and has every vote at the academy awards critic can’t get enough of. I can see it now as the Elton John look-alike sitting on the sofa, dog sitting beside him “Yop Yop Yop Yap Yap Yap Yop Yop Yop Yap Yap Yap” through his whole review, drooling all over himself and talking about superior acting, great realistic special effects, and completely glossing over the fact that it had a script written by someone with ADHD and a fifth grade education at best. I must have fallen asleep or something because the movie really didn’t feel like 2 hours and 40 minutes {which I confirmed after running to the car to get somewhere to wash out my eyes!} but I just sat there dumbfounded as what appeared to be all of the crap left over after “Gangs of New York” was edited and mixed in with what was left over from Clockwork Orange. “There Will Be Blood” must be the effect that the movie should have on most people, or a metaphor for the blood that should have been shooting out of my eyes for seeing it. Stanley Kubric rides again and he has come to take Daniel Day Lewis with him! The really horrible part is that as far as horrific movies go, there wasn’t even anything worth picking on about it afterwards, but the embarrassment for wasting 9 bucks to see it should be enough. I’m sure that there is some sort of masked message about how oil messes us all up or something, but I missed it through all the wishing I was at home downloading porn instead. It could have been worse. Superdaddyman did almost make it through half of that wonderful flick called “Knocked Up.”

Tires squealing on the SuperdaddyFocus our brave hero found himself going in for a recharge {Large Ice Coffee Black} and making it back to the Casa Di Evils’s to plot with his most diabolical assistant through Yahole Instant Messer. Later he made it off for another recharge {Cheesy Gordita Crunches} before sitting down to finish dictating his memoires for the day to his faithful, albeit useless, sidekick {That simpering weenie Jeremy Crow} before finding his way to bed to watch QVC {The hostess that always wears the spaghetti strap shoes is on} before tucking away for the evening. His only fear for now is waking up to a bedroom full of evils’s that were freshly “messed up” by TME, and ready to commit chaos on the people of Megalopolis to make up for it. It could have been worse ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2008