Monday, January 21, 2008

A Murder of Crows - Volume 13

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This is a repost of my writings from Itching For Coffee ... Where I often post writings with other talented writers ...

Does anyone out there actually pay attention to television commercials anymore? I mean, I know that commercials are funny and all so there has to be others that pay attention to them. As a football fanatic, commercials come with the territory. With the playoffs going, and the Super Bowl looming the newest batch of amusing commercials are rolling off the shelves, but I am sometimes concerned that people don’t get the reality of a lot of them. I have the opportunity to share some of my experience and be a “know it all” at the same time, and as both of the people reading this know, that makes me happy. It was a good weekend for football and commercials.

Well I imagine that I should first pick on a few of the cartoons that are around the football games because I’m in the general vicinity. I had a few heart warming moments as a vindictive fan of the New England Patriots. First of course is Bill Cower being the only person on television picking against them. This would make the third time that the Patriots have made him look bad in an AFC Championship game, so I will leave it at that. The second and probably most important was watching Ladanian {Everyone knows that I am a stand up guy} Tomlinson sitting on the sideline the whole game watching his team lose a game that they could have won if he was out there. Third was watching Phillip Rivers out there playing with a much worse injury than Ladanian had, and doing the best he could. I am no fan of Phillip Rivers {as you all know} but Ladanian spent the entire season disrespecting him too, and I am at least man enough to say that Rivers played and played hard. I am thinking of calling him L-Rod from here on out because he is probably going to be the greatest player ever and never win shit.

Ok, let’s get back to the commercials for a minute. Burger King has some good ones these days, and the one that really stood out to me was the one with the guy who wanted to go to McDonald’s instead of Burger King because his hands were too small. It was a bit creepy, but humorous all the same. The problem though is that you have to do a “hit and run” with a commercial like that because after about the seventh time I saw it, I started thinking about it. Going beyond the mathematical issues that I had with the commercial, I first started thinking about what a trip to Burger King is like. Yanno what I mean, because Burger King has earned it’s reputation as the place that employs all the people that were fired from McDonald’s and Dunkin Donuts. It isn’t quite as bad as a Kentucky Fried Chicken, but you will be blessed with a bunch of idiots who can’t get an order right, or even finished within 15 minutes. The food will be undercooked or overcooked, if you even get it at all, and expect an argument and more wait when you point out all the things that they forgot to give you.

As we go beyond the obvious, we then get into the non-obvious which takes a sloth like me to point out to all of you. As I work nights it tends to be hard for me to get dinner before I go to work so I tend to live at drive thru windows when I am supposed to be working. I prefer McDonald’s because the people aren’t as stupid and I rarely have to wait 5 minutes {see above} but I do go to Burger King 1 or 2 times a week so the cuties that work at McDonald’s don’t think that it is all I eat. Hey I am a loser but I have some pride damnit! In this instance it comes in rather handy because I can then analyze the Burger King commercials from a realistic stand point. That commercial’s big statement was that the Burger King double cheeseburger has 30% more meat than the McDonald’s double cheeseburger. I am here to tell you that it also has 150% more cost. It is also cooked in a microwave giving you severe ketchup burns, and it also takes at the very least 200% longer to get from your brain to your hands due to the stupidity of the employees working there.

Yes it was fresh in my mind actually because I couldn’t order a double cheeseburger at Burger King the other night when the 2.49 that they were charging for it seemed horribly unreasonable. I chose to get 2 cheeseburgers {which ran me 2.58 but at least I get the extra buns} and started thinking about the fact that the double cheeseburger at McDonald’s is 99 cents and the cheeseburger is 79 cents. Think about that for a minute, even though it doesn’t seem like anything earth shattering, it does demonstrate how much advertising can rob you if you don’t stay well informed. I’m glad I don’t drink beer because Lord only knows how easily those commercials can get to the feeble minded who drink large quantities of it!

Now I am not totally daft into thinking that there is no truth in advertising either. I was having a bitch of a time driving around at night. This is partly because I am getting older and things popping out in the road scare the shit out of me now. This part of the country is over-run with deer and every night at least 3 hop out in front of my car on my way to and from work, and it was getting to the point where I was driving as slow as my grandmother. My mind remembered the Sylvania Ultra headlight commercials. Could it be true? I spent a staggering 36 dollars for a pair of them for my car, and put them in. I can’t even explain properly the difference that they made in my driving. They reach about 20 yards further forward but more importantly they light up everything beside you {like woods full of deer} like spotlights. I also have to say that the lights seem to keep the deer from actually running out into the road as I drive down it, but at the very least allow me to see about 10 to 20 yards into the woods and have plenty of warning if anything as stupid as a Burger King employee is about to go running in front of my car ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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