Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2007: #7


It’s been a nightmare of a lead up to Christmas this year. What with having to go down to hell and rescue my father from himself and the grifters, to dealing with my kids educational woes, to dealing with an overbearing company that has been placing more responsibilities on me every day, I haven’t had much time to do anything. My writing has suffered from this, as well as any sort of social life outside of reading e-mail, sorting music and collecting porn. Putting my father on an airplane back to hell where to be honest with you, I am concerned that he is going to go kill himself, didn’t exactly solve any of these issues, even if it is going to give me a few extra hours a week and a bit more privacy. Aside from the concern of family, and Christmas looming over head, I justified doing all of my Christmas shopping online, so that I could save time not having to fight it out at Wal-Mart. As always I am 4 parts “Genius” and 6 parts “Idiot” for my best of intentions.

I ordered the first round of gifts a little over a week ago from Overstock.Com {DVD Players and Movies} which they preceded to ship using different shippers and different locations. This at first seemed reasonable as they are a discount chain and they have 3 dollar shipping, so 7 days later I felt that I might be overreacting to the fact that I have none of the things. I must admit that UPS {who dropped off a couple of the movies today} at least were honest about it all when their online tracking system gave me a jaw-dropping 7 day “receive” date. Fed-Ex on the other hand has been totally despicable about the whole thing, as they initially gave me a more reasonable 4 day “receive” and then on that day moved it to 5 days, then 7 days. I am sitting here furiously wanting to call Fed-Ex and scream at them because yesterday the site had “On the Truck for Delivery” all day, and then when I got home there was a foot note next to it saying “Brought back to site, reschedule for tomorrow.” Like I am supposed to believe THAT, at this point in time.

Now there is the worry that Fed-Ex is the company that will show up at the worst possible time and then simply leave a note on the door saying “Sorry we couldn’t reach you, we will try again tomorrow” and I am actually concerned that they may play me until after Christmas. More to the point, I am concerned that the stuff that I ordered from Newegg.Com on Sunday {Shipped both UPS and Fed-Ex oh Geeze!} with a 3 day guaranteed delivery {which they advertised as free and then charged me 18.99 so this is not starting off well} will not get here at all. Why would I start off so under enthusiastic? Well because after paying the standard 3.99 for “express processing” {when you order from Newegg you are held hostage by this or they won’t even put your order in for a week} they sent me the confirmation e-mail of processing 2 days later. They then don’t even schedule the “pick up” for the next day {meaning today} and if my math skills are up to par that would mean Saturday for Fed-Ex to show up {which I believe they won’t} and Monday for UPS to show up {the day before Christmas – Insert Rolling Around Laughing Smiley Here} which being the day before Christmas, then I doubt it. What’s Christmas without an Ulcer after all?

Upon checking the Fed-Ex Track again while I am typing this up {at 3:30 am} their excuse for not bringing it yesterday was updated to “Local weather delay, delivery attempted” and of course the estimated delivery was changed to the next day. What a total pile of crap huh? Before I go to bed I will put in a nasty e-mail to Overstock.Com just to make myself feel better, and they will send me something with an excuse. I will start calling Fed-Ex tomorrow and ask them if I can come and pick it up {which they will say no … been there before} and then I will rant for no apparent reason, other than to test all of the cholesterol medication that the doctor says I have to take. On the other side of this twisted coin, I am now terrified that I will have to go to Wal-Mart anyway! Will Fed-Ex get all of this crap to me by April when the birthdays start?

The good news about all of this is that I will be able to laugh about all of this with my uncle {a USPS employee} who will come over for Christmas dinner after delivering the mail on Christmas day. Yes believe it or not, the United States Postal Service does deliver packages that they think are presents on Christmas day. The fact that I sat back and felt “relieved” when I had gotten all of my Christmas shopping done on line should simply remind me of that old saying “The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results,” but on the same note, it isn’t so much that I expected my Christmas presents to get here on time to be that. It doesn’t qualify as “over and over again” as this was the first year I attempted it. On the other hand, I can’t exactly say that trying to make Christmas work is an “over an over again” either as I had realistically given up on that many years ago. Perhaps I actually could be sane with some added drama? I heard once that the difference between sane people and insane people are that insane people never actually think they are insane, and sane people often think that they are insane? I guess under those guidelines I’ll get back to you all after Christmas ;8o)