Sunday, November 25, 2007

Things You Learn When You Marry a Loser - Volume 1



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I decided to follow up this wonderful letter that was sent to me by the state with a letter of my own ...

To Whom it May Concern …

Upon receiving the notice for the annual fee that your department takes for collecting child support for me, I felt it was necessary to send back a letter of appreciation for all of the wonderful child support services that you have offered me over the past year. I long ago gave up on making your department actually collect child support for me, since I am not laying around on a couch collecting welfare and totally devoid of the time or qualities that your department prefers in their child support recipients. I was informed years ago that the only way to get your offices to do anything on my behalf was if I did all of the work and unfortunately “actually working” interferes with that.

I would suggest to your department that if you are unwilling to actually collect child support from a derelict mother {note the undertones of severe gender bias that I am trying to get across} that at the very least you should perhaps save the postage on letters announcing to those that you DO NOT work for that you would be collecting fees from them should you actually do your job on our behalf. Perhaps sending out donation letters to everyone who is not wishing that they could actually participate in the wonderful services that the Department of Health and Human Services: Division of Child Support Services to donate to the people who haven’t collected 500$ in 5 years much less 1 year, would be a much better use of time for all involved.

On the off chance that someone is actually reading this letter, I sincerely promise to become a more productive member of DHHS by finding ways to render myself unemployable in the future. I will then start sucking at the public nipple more appropriately and then won’t have to worry about paying the 25$ a year or filling out the forms for Free School Lunch or Medicaid like the chosen few that simply swipe their cards. I have been doing my best at being totally useless but unfortunately morals tend to get in my way. The constant “beating down” that I undertake every year on behalf of myself and my children is a mere pittance to what you all do I am sure.

Were I a bitter person I would use terminology like “useless hacks”, “socialism czars” and “imprisoning welfare mongers” to describe all of you, but I like to think of myself as being above that so I am simply saying that I appreciate you all for what you actually are. I am happy that I am still on your mailing list and hope that I get invited to the company Christmas Party. I’ll bring the Fresca.

… Humbly your servant … Jeremy Crow ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007