Sunday, September 16, 2007

As the Crow Flies - Volume 1

I got the call from a frantic friend of my father's at about 5pm and the info that she gave me was that he was in a car accident and he had a major stroke. She was a bit frantic and I remained calm {because it is kinda the way I am} but the information was not really good. The fact that he was down in Florida and I was up in New Hampshire didn't help matters at all, but I had no idea how complicated it all truly would be. I called the hospital and his nurse had basically drilled me for any medications that he may have been on {none that I knew of} and then told me that I should be down {here} there as soon as possible. My cousin just happened to be in town on a lay over from doing his clergy duty {in Peru} and was able to take control of that phase of what I needed to do. He was able to get me on the first plane out of Manchester and into Jacksonville the next morning, before he was off to Boston to get back to Peru. In other words it was his forte of getting planes and not mine because I go nowhere and do nothing.
I guess I should give a little background before I continue, because I haven't written anything in a while. There have been reasons for this as I have been getting my life back into order. I was almost caught up on my bills and I had just about gotten my computer in perfect organizational and operating order and I was even pretty thrilled that this weekend I was going to just take it easy. No working, no organizing, and I was probably going to finish up my house cleaning and then have a good transition to my new shift at work. I had finally after a couple of years gotten myself back on the night shift where I was going to work a nice relaxing 6pm to 2am and could better integrate my writing into my schedule. Maybe I could even create artistic shit again and simply go about my goal of getting past the next 11 years and becoming free of children and start my life that I am constantly saying that I am going to have. This of course was kinda like how I saw my father until the last couple of days and now I have to have a long hard look at my own dreams when I get back to New Hampshire because it isn't as pretty as it was the day before yesterday.
I can now say that any of the progress I had made to get my own life in order is now flushed down the toilet as it has already cost me several hundred dollars to get to this point where I sit in the Hotel Room typing to try to calm my damn nerves as I can't stand any of this. I showed up in Florida to no rental car because I didn't have a credit card with enough credit on it. I had assumed that I could pay cash or use my grandmother's credit card as I had to reserve the thing, and the answer was NO. I managed to get a hold of my bank and transfer every last dime that I had to my credit card and was able to get the car for 1 day. The associate there said to me that all I needed to do was get it that one day and then simply not bring it back and pay cash when I brought it back. It was a risk I was willing to take because I had to make it from Jacksonville to St Augustine and was not going to be stuck in this hell hole known as Florida crippled without transportation. Goal was met and then I was here. The next goal was to get my father's car keys so that I could stay in his house. This was horrible as well as I tried to just find out what had happened because the police only knew so much and the towing company that had his vehicle would not let me near it. Legally they couldn't anyway and I accept that. It didn't make me very happy at the time and in the end I finally went over and snuck into his house through an open window.
This of course was after I had seen that he was ok, or at least going to live. It was not a very pretty sight, as he was strapped to a bed and writhing there trying to remove his feeding tubes and his waste tubes, and his ekg probes etc. The only medical explanation for what was going on is that he is having Dts and because of that he totaled his truck. No broken bones, no trauma, no brain damage, just a man incapable of communicating with me and shaking on a bed that he is strapped to. He looked {looks} horrible and there was absolutely nothing I could do except try to figure out what he was withdrawing from. Now alcohol would be an obvious choice since he did drink a lot, but I had to exhaust every avenue. I also had to get away from the horrible sight of my father in a state like this and despite the fact that I can remain calm and deal this is not working very well for me. I technically cannot do anything anyway because nobody knows me from Adam around here. As I went around looking for information on his habits etc nobody is really forthcoming so I am pretty sure that they all have conflicting stories of me, and a few people have been rather argumentative about my “only child” status as they swaer he has a daughter too.
Personally I stopped giving a shit about the why's and the how's at this point, but I am furious with his brother who is the only person that every one around here knows because he lived here too {he was the reason my father moved out here before he packed up my grandmother and his family and moved out to Tennessee without a forwarding address of course} but the people in this backward south district of hell all seem to know how to get a hold of him and he has been telling most of them that he talked to my father and he is fine. The two or three that have decided to talk to me {yanno the person who is here} realize that nobody has talked to him and he is NOT ok. That's neither here nor there as I had forgotten {until now} what a reject from the funny pages my uncle in Tenessee truly is and am probably the better that he has been running away his whole life and thus out of mine. I am still going out of my head here and I have to force myself to go to the hospital as he has been in this crazed DT session now for over 48 hours and praying he just snaps out of it so I can go home.
It doesn't solve the problem that I have to have a talk with him about this and am quite terrified that I can't leave him here alone. His house proved to me that he hasn't changed in the “disgusting pig” department, but also I worry that if all of this is caused by his drinking then what the hell is he going to do when I leave? His life is a long series of hopping from bar to bar to bar and all of his friends down here are in bars, go figure. I am not going to go through the mental hell of having to come back out here again at the expense of my ability to take care of myself {because even though my company is fine with me not being at work they aren't paying me for it either} and it is costing me at the very least 140$ a day to be here and I still haven't purchased tickets to get back to New Hampshire. I'm not even going to hypothesize what kind of a talk he and I am going to have when he comes out of this but here's where it lay right now as I am just sitting in a hotel room 6 hours by plane from home and actually just wishing I was back in the normal before I am so far out of my ability to catch up again that being there becomes scary too. I dunno ... I'll keep everyone updated ;8o)