Sunday, July 15, 2007

The End of the 18th Year

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Well with this blog I mark the second anniversary of blogging and that is pretty amazing. Most people would say that it has felt like forever but it’s really just been two short years since I posted “The End of the Sixteenth Year” and got the ball rolling. I would like to believe that it was so brilliantly written that it catapulted me to notoriety but is really just signified a rollercoaster that went out of control and crashed a lot, just to get going again every damn time. The original blog for those that never read it was my shortest non poetry blog and I am going to post it in here as a reference point. Original text follows.

Well I am now quite fascinated by how little I know and I'm probably gonna keep learning for a long time. The year itself was un-eventful but the very end of it was so jammed with what will obviously be a very interesting 17th year upcoming. I am walking into year 17 with some of the most brutal reality ever that hadn't involved my drinking or at this point my alkie mind.

After a marriage breakdown which ended up with my ex wife becoming a lesbian thus followed by many a person trying to help me explain it away (the only one I really liked involved me being great at oral sex, thus ruining her forever) and then try to ignore it completely, I ended up taking my wonderful show on the road for two online relationships.

The first being the "famous" one which ended up with myself and the wonderful woman I was with ending up hurt pretty good. I thank God that she is doing well and (trust me) she is still the most beautiful woman who ever lived. The second being the straw that broke the camels back in it's total lunacy and complete and utter sickness on both ends. It was pretty easy to see without the rosy colored glasses at that I desperately tried to apply to the whole thing. When all was said and done it finally gave me some peace and hopefully a new beginning in the knowledge that I am a serious love addict that needs to just watch the show. “What is the show?” you may ask well sometimes this means porn movies ... other times it means other peoples sometimes healthier looking romances {said with a grin}. I am actually just thrilled that I know that the one factor that all of my failed relationships had in common was ME, but I digress as I am still feeling wonderful as my 16th anniversary is upon me, and for the first time in FOR-EVAH I am happy to be alone {great friends and 3 cute kids withstanding}, where it is safe for everyone {also said with a grin}.

My goals for the next year is to stay sober ... be a better friend ... learn to love me for me ... without needing someone else to love me so I can forget about me. Confused yet? Good ... now you know what it is like to be me too ;8o)

That was also where I got my trademark “Teddy Bear” smiley that I close all of my blogs with, and I can’t even remember what made me think of that. The rest should have been history at that point as all I was trying to do was put something on my Yahoo 360 page in the blog section so that it didn’t look so plain when people viewed my profile from the chat room. As quite a few people know it blew up completely as the women I talked about started fighting over it. I couldn’t go into the Yahoo chat rooms without being attacked and then I posted “Thing’s You Learn with a Bad Back – Volume 1” just to get that off my profile page. Those who weren’t around know that that year went and ended with me becoming a blogging rock star and then basically giving up writing for lent to become a Paint Shop Pro artist. I wasn’t even writing this time last year so there was no blogging anniversary post in place. As a matter of fact in the 558 blog entries I have done over the last two years many have not been pleasant.

I have done a lot of good over those last two years despite being thrown out of two blogging community’s and leaving three of my own free will, but the two women that I talked about originally in that first post have for the most part disappeared. I heard from “The Beautiful One” {my very first blog “code name”} about two months ago when she e-mailed me to tell me she was doing good and just wanted me to know that. It was a step up from the way I was trashing the hell out of her and her cyber beau when I left Yahole a year and a half ago in a hail of bullets. I have been in 3 relationships since then. One ended out of a mutual form of bedlam, one was a rebound from the one I have been in for most of this time and went back to when I regained my sensibilities {and she did too just to be fair} and am still in today. It’s not easy being a love addict but I play the part so well in blog.

I have formed a sort of “key” to how I write now despite the best description of such being “manic” but those that know me know how my mind works enough to tell you how my moods are just by my topics and content now. I have learned to simply accept that when I don’t feel like writing that it is best to just go political so that I am at least writing things and then go back to writing as God intended me to when I get over those points, and always keep that brutally real honesty as best I can. I would rather be hated for what I am then clung on to for what I am not. I have written for me for the most part for well over a year now but always miss the feeling of being the “in thing” that marked the beginning of my online writing career and will most likely never come back. It’s all part of the amazingly complicated basket that is Jeremy who is going to be celebrating eighteen years sober tomorrow and starting on his nineteenth year of what sometimes makes me snigger when I use the term “sober” ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007