Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Superdaddyman Takes On The Iron Triad - Part 1

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It was a rather bothersome day to everyone’s favorite super villain turned super hero as he was alerted of the grave news that Megalopolis was soon to be under attack, and there was very little time for him to prepare for it! Worse yet the vicious attacks by long forgotten enemies were going to transpire during a time of great weakness to the Superdaddyman {no boys and girls far worse then when the Victoria’s Secret catalog comes out} for he had been committed to babysitting the Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} for 12 hours on the very day that the plots strike. It was rare intelligence {and oh it will seem so amazingly rare in a moment} that was brought to the attention of the Superdaddyman through the Mophaka Al Queholic signal {a whiney old lady on the end of a Nextel} that alerted the Superdaddyman to the great evil when patrolling the PMHQ on his usual daily rounds. Totally unavoidable, totally at the last minute, totally without fail at the worst possible time, and totally what any super crime fighter should expect in his miserable life as the words rang out, “Your Dad called and said he is coming in on Sunday and you need to go get him in Portland!”

“I can’t go get him in Portland because I have to be at work from 6am to 6pm on Sunday like I told you because everyone quit right before the ones that didn’t are going on vacation,” the Superdaddyman rationally tried to explain to the fiendishly diabolical Greektradgedius Inyiddish as she was incoherently barking out orders on the other end of the cell phone. Superdaddyman was not totally worried about it because Missingdaddyman {aka the father of Superdaddyman} would simply rent a car and get his own “not bothering to tell anyone he is coming into town until the last second” ass to Megalopolis himself which she damn well knew and prompted him to ask, “what is really going on?”

“Well on the way back you have to get your mother from the bus station in York ….” And we shall simply edit the long trail of expletives that came out the mouth of the Superdaddyman at that point in the interest of keeping this a G Rated blog entry. Of course it will be hard to fill all of the space as the long tirade of obscenity over the thought of the evil Mommystopholese coming into town unannounced at ALL is not what Superdaddyman wants to hear on any occasion. The fact that it hadn’t dawned on him that he hadn’t had both Missingdaddyman and Mommystopholese in the same city at the same time hadn’t even sunk in yet, but the fact that they both picked the worst possible day ever was starting to.

“Where the hell is she staying?” The Superdaddyman asked praying to God that she was going to say at her sister’s {Greektradgedius Intraining} house on the other side of Megalopolis. I mean it would only make sense since she has an extra bedroom, an extra living room and nobody will be there all day since both her and her husband work. Cramming an extra body into the Casa Di Evils’s which already has a brave young *coughcoughallrightalreadycoughcough* crime fighter, three of the most fiendish criminal minds on the planet, and an old lady that already invades everyone’s space, would be stupid after all right?

“Oh no she is going to stay in Imtoocutus’s Cell and she is going to stay downstairs with you ….” Trailing off to an even longer more Saxony based and far louder tirade of expletives that the Superdaddyman is pretty sure will actually keep him out of heaven some day. {Remember boys and girls, Saxony is a dead language for a reason and their more choice words are for adults only!} This of course is where Greektradgedius starts using her master power of “The Guilt Ray Of Doom” {KYAGB} on the poor defenseless crime fighter stuck patrolling the PMHQ headquarters for another 6 hours, {insert big crocodile tears here that will disappear the second that the Superdaddyman can no longer take it and gives in} “I haven’t seen my daughter in 4 years, and you just don’t understand what it is like when you get to be my age, and you may never have another opportunity,” which the Superdaddyman has no doubt in his mind that she is able to simply sound like that with a perfectly normal looking face on the other end of the phone either!

“Fine, but I am not picking anyone up, and they can walk for all I care because I can’t get out of work!” the Superdaddyman groaned back into the phone before he hung up. It really didn’t matter what he said anyway since it was already written in stone, but he was serious about everyone walking. Greektradgedius will probably contact Missingdaddyman and ask him to get Mommystopholese on his way in after renting a car, and it will be good luck on that end as he is almost as old as her and totally immune to her whining … um … persuading. Since he disappeared 2000 miles away he has been pretty capable of telling Greektradgedius “NO” and probably will point out to her that she will live to be over 100 like every woman in her family tree and the Mommystopholese will be back in 4 years to renew her drivers license again anyway, so a walk might do her some good even if it is 20 miles.

Confused and incapable of being able to handle the incoming plight of evil while having to deal with 12 hours of unmentionable {well until the blog that day of course} evil trapped at the PMHQ the Superdaddyman finds himself in a very rare and troubling situation that appears to have no easy solution. He decided to grab the trusty old communicator {powered by Nextel sometimes} and contact the only group of people he could think of to help save him from this situation at hand. A group of rag tag veterans of Viet-Yahoo who were framed for crimes that they didn’t commit. They had escaped and were living as fugitives all over the internet working as good guy vigilantes. They are his only hope to solve this dilemma, “Hello Colonel Deb “Hannibal” Owly? I need you to get Mr. & Mrs. McT, Spike “Face Witch” Q, and we’ll need to break H.M. “Howling Mad” Sancira out of the mental hospital because this looks like a job for the C+ Team! {Yeah you now you hear the corny music now} Dum Dee Dum Dum ... Doo Dee Doo! … to be continued

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest