Friday, June 22, 2007

Musical Methadone & Mental Masterbation - Volume 26

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It is another bright sunny day over the city of Megalopolis as everyone’s favorite super villain turned super hero, Superdaddyman is on vacation actually and instead he sent his alter ego Boris to the Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} to replace him in his daily activities. Now despite Boris’s never ending quest {with the help of his beautiful Natasha} to catch Moose and Squirrel he does from time to time take the opportunity to do other evil acts throughout Megalopolis. The issue at hand is that the song that has flooded his head for several days, “You know I never .. I never seen you look so good .. You never act the way you should .. But I like it .. And I know you like it too .. The way that I want you .. I gotta have you .. Oh yes, I do” which was initially an attachment to an evil communiqué between he and the beautiful Natasha was originally a joke, and now has backfired badly. For those of you that are not in the know, the band Poison IS the international symbol for “completely gay” above all others.

Now this is said out of experience as Superdaddyman {who is on vacation and not affiliated with this in any way shape or form and does not endorse bands like Poison at all boys and girls} has compiled the data that walking around singing, Motley Crue, Warrant, Europe, and even Quiet Riot will allow you to maintain your manhood after the proper methadone is applied, but Poison on the other hand may be unrecoverable. “You know I never .. I never ever stay out late .. You know that I can hardly wait .. Just to see you .. And I know you cannot wait .. Wait to see me too .. I gotta touch you” blares sheer agony through poor Boris’s head no matter what he does. By opening up his trusty copy of “What Would Superdaddyman Do” {WWSD} he started searching tirelessly for some sort of relief from “Talk Dirty to Me” {which by the way is also the gayest of the gay songs that the gayest of the gay bands does} before he is forced to tear out his own brain and stomp on it.

Now as Boris is walking around grappling with what Superdaddyman would do in this circumstance {which he isn’t because Superdaddyman is far to cool to be walking around with that damn song in his head!} the first page of chapter 3 {How to Apply Musical Methadone} clearly states, “Before making a proper attempt to eradicate said Musical Diarrhea from your head be sure to explore all avenues of torturing those around you with it. Don’t always think of having songs lodged in your head as a tragedy as sometimes it may be an opportunity! See Chapter 4 {Mental Masturbation}” which made the little smirk on Boris’s face grow wider and more curled upward. Natasha loves Boris’s diabolical evil mind after all and Boris happens to love Boris’s diabolical evil mind too! “First apply the song while changing the lyrics in ways to force them into other people’s heads, and then increase the volume until people verbally abuse you. Then raise it some more!” which had Boris nodding his evil little head. “Cause baby we’ll be ... At the drive-in ... In the old mans ford ... Behind the bushes ... Till I’m screamin’ for more ... Down the basement ... Lock the cellar door ... And baby ... Talk dirty to me!”

Boris calmly started doing the rounds that the Superdaddyman would usually do {because he isn’t here, how many times do I have to explain that to you, this is Boris!} and started singing his own tune, “

You know I call you ... I call you on the telephone ... Im only hoping that you want my bone ... Cuz I'm a Homo ... When you spread that butt for me ... And let me smack them cheeks!” but the usual glint of enthusiasm that the Superdaddyman {who is on VACATION!} would usually get from spreading musical joy around just didn’t seem to be there. Quite the opposite really as Boris {not Superdaddyman!} was starting to get some really strange looks from everyone. Boris cautiously started singing a bit louder as he walked around the PMHQ “CC put down that guitar and give a blow job to me!” Oh boy that went over like a lead blimp, and Boris was starting to see how difficult it is to spread Mental Masturbation around when you are a rank amateur. This would never happen to the Superdaddyman but as you all should know by now, he is on vacation!

Boris found himself starting to enter that realm where others in the PMHQ were making sure not to bend over to pick things up around him, and giving him a very wide berth whenever he walked by, “Cause baby we’ll be ... At the drive-in ... In the old mans ford ... Behind the bushes ... Till I’m screamin’ for more ... Down the basement ... Lock the cellar door ... And baby ... Talk dirty to me!” still tragically stuck in his simple little mind, thumbing through the WWSD to chapter 4, and sending communiqué to Natasha about infiltrators.

“Mental Masturbation is easily achieved by simply getting the source of your audible hell stuck in the heads of those around you. The easiest way to do this is to change the words around so that it is amusing at first to others until you have pounded it so far into their heads that they are toast,” Boris continues reading until he gets to this part, “This does NOT work for anything by the band Poison and any time you try to attempt it you are officially Gay and have proven it to all around you. See chapter 5 {Playing Up The Gay Angle To Creep Out Those Around You}” … Curses Foiled Again! Broken and battered Boris didn’t have it in him to play up the Gay angle {and besides walking up behind guys who’s nickname is “Moose” and pretending to hump them when they bend over just doesn’t seem like a good idea right now} so he starts thumbing through to chapter 6 “Operation Change The Subject!” … Where the hell is that Paco Taco guy when you need someone to humiliate anyway? ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007