Wednesday, June 13, 2007

God Bless The Idiots - Volume 14

My brain hurts but I am still trying to find the time to simply derive what I was hearing this morning as my favorite radio talk show was explaining the newest hysterical ideals of the Boston City Council. Now for those of you outside of New England {aka the real world} I should probably preface to you that Boston is the capitol of The People’s Republic of Massachusetts and through typical suburban logic aids in inflicting people like Edward Kennedy and John Kerry on the country at large. If that isn’t a wonderful example of the logic of the city then please allow me to explain the new dilemma that the city council faces to you. It appears that there is a new predator roaming the streets and raising quite a calamity for any and all of the good people of Boston, and through superior voting skills you are lucky enough to have the people necessary to deal with it. This most heinous of evil creatures that requires a full stop of city business so that he can be dealt with is none other than, The Ice Cream Man!

Yes boys and girls, no longer shall we muck up the city business with such things as a steadily climbing homicide rates and endless construction as they seem to still not understand that raising the city would have been easier than building highways under it. We all of course know that everyone is just drinking pure clean water out of the Charles River and the city is after all losing it’s oldest companies like Gillette and Fidelity, but The Ice Cream Man will no longer be left to patrol the streets till the God awful hour of seven or eight pm blaring that sickening music any more! Thank God for the progress that the city has made. I actually couldn’t believe that I was hearing a debate on an actually day in the Boston City Council chambers dedicated to dealing with the nuisance of the Ice Cream Man’s music coming from the trucks, but what was worse was that I was rather looking at it as improperly as they were on the radio too.

Keep in mind also that this is the same city council that doesn’t want the state police helicopters flying over the city to try to roust the criminals that are out there killing each other at least 1 out of every 4 nights of the year either because of the noise as well, so it shouldn’t have been that much of a stretch, but the carousel music that the guys on the radio were playing isn’t exactly what the people in Boston are listening to either. On this situation they may actually be correct because little do people in the real world know the music that is blaring out of the huge speakers on top of the Ice Cream Trucks is Gangsta Rap complete with swears, derogatory slurs about women, and extreme violence. If you have ever been at a stop light and the car next to you is making your car rattle just sitting next to it, then you know what this is actually about except in this case it is coming from a Good Humor Truck!

This form of derivation from what we all seem to remember as children creates clouds of what people seem to understand because we think to ourselves that it isn’t summer without the sweet sounds of the Ice Cream Man and the screaming of kids chasing the truck. We don’t seem to gather that the very reasoning behind the law that they are trying to put in place though unfortunately would be unconstitutional purely based on the way it is being dealt out. The people that the good people of Boston elect to public office are every bit as polarizing as the donkey’s that their party is affiliated with and they have to micromanage something as simple as a “noise ordinance” so that it becomes a public scene and something for ridicule unfortunately. That same hideous music that is being blared out of the Ice Cream Truck is being blared twice as hard from the drug dealer sitting in his Lexus on the corner as well, but I assume that he must be a core demographic in their voting base. The motorcycles that go blaring through the streets are equally as bad, but that would fall probably under the same auspices as the “Big Dig” that has made Boston the loudest and most unfriendly driving in the country. This makes it so that you are left picking on the Ice Cream Man in the eyes of everyone that doesn’t pay attention as apparently they don’t have a strong enough union affiliation or something.

I wasn’t actually listening to a dummy this morning either because the man who hosts the radio show by the name of Tom Finneran was the Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives not too long ago. I happen to like him a lot but even he didn’t quite comprehend the real issues at hand which are simply that the City Council is incapable of simply creating noise codes based on decibels because the city is out of control on its own. He also didn’t grasp that the music on these things isn’t exactly from the Bozo’s Big Top sound track anymore and when it was finally being brought up that there are things louder than the Ice Cream Man that segment of the show was pretty much over anyway. I happen to blame it on another issue that almost nobody listening to that show would have ever thought of because they are life long residents of New England and probably don’t know how the rest of the world operates either, and that would be the lack of courtesy that can only be found in New England as well.

The simple way to explain this is by pointing to when I was a boy living in New York City in the summer. This isn’t the post Benito Giuliani New York City either so the city itself was still quite a dump, but the people there still had common courtesy for their neighbors at the very least. If the kid next door hit a baseball through a window the person would bring the baseball over and the parents would work out an arrangement to get the window fixed and talk about what a great hit it was. Anyplace east of the state of New York the police would have been notified, the kid would have been picked up and restraining orders would have been filed, and welcome to New England. The driver of the Ice Cream Truck blaring Gansta Rap would have been stopped by a few concerned parents on a street corner that were upset about the noise and the content and explained to the driver that it was not ok, and he would have changed the music and turned the volume down a bit. In Boston Massachusetts it becomes something to stop business at the City Council and the vote will be coming up soon, and welcome to New England ;8o)

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