Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Of Things I've Lost and Those That Never Leave - Volume 4

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It was a shortened weekend for everyone’s favorite super villain turned super hero, as his responsibilities of keeping an eye on the dreaded Pink Mafia were extended another day last week. This of course made it hard for the Caped Pervader to properly do his due diligence to his other duties protecting the fair maidens of Megolopolis {which was sheer torture on him as the weather dictates even shorter skirts} and of course keeping the Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s {TOKE} under control! Now of course this is not completely impossible when you have the keen intellect for evil like the Superdaddyman does, but of course it would appear daunting to mere non super heroes, we’re sure.

Now of course as the Superdaddyman had found himself in the halls of the dreaded Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} for a good deal of the day on Saturday that gave ample time for TOKE to plot with the other terrorist organization headed by the fiendish Greektradgedius Inyiddish {GTIY} also known as Mophaka Al Queholic {MAQ} and no good can ever come of that. The Superdaddyman found himself committed to many Mother’s Day festivities the next day before he had even escaped the PMHQ and was none to happy about it. How could anyone not want to be involved with Mother’s Day festivities one may ask? Well this comes from the loosest interpretation of the word as in the family of Superdaddyman a “Mother” can either mean the person who gave birth to you, and also mean the other variant and realistically it is both regardless of who the “Mother” is.

First off there was to be a shin dig at the ol’ Casa Di Evils’s which is no way that the Superdaddyman is going to want to spend his only day off from Pink Mafia babysitting, but was already a forgone conclusion at this point anyway. Then there was the usual question that usually comes up from one of the Evils’s which would be “Can we call the Mother of all the Evils’s” {MAE} which always forces Superdaddyman to come up with some lame excuse that would be proven wrong when she finally called herself. Yes this is another one of those “Could be a Mother” – Could be a Mutha” moments as MAE has had two different addresses and at least two different phone numbers since the last time they saw her. This would be the last time when Lazius Boycrazius was pulled off of her throat. In any event there is nobody at the Casa Di Evils’s that even knows how to contact her.

The last time the Evils’s were in contact with MAE {aka the choking incident} was enough to make them dread the day thinking that the Superdaddyman would force them to talk to her. This worked to the Superdaddyman’s advantage as they stayed out of sight for most of the day until MAE must have been reminded by someone {probably whatever guy she is sleeping with now} that she has children and ended up calling on her own power. This is a good sign actually as the Superdaddyman looks at it for it signifies that she probably found a man with a job who can actually pay a phone bill. The sun has to shine on a dog’s ass every once in a while. The last 3 or 4 didn’t have a job so this actually is a big step up for her. It did not sit too well with Lazius Boycrazius as Greektradgedius Inyiddish handed her the phone and demanded that she talk to MAE. It became apparent about 20 or so seconds into the conversation that Lazius Boycrazius was simply giving her the yup yups.

This is where the Superdaddyman come’s on as he pointed out to her that it would probably be better if she were to give the phone to one of the other two criminal masterminds so that they can talk. Without even the decency of saying it out of the earshot of MAE on the other end she stated, “I am trying to kill off the minutes on her calling card to try to spare the other two, she’s just babbling on about a new tattoo again,” and with that the Superdaddyman could clearly hear on the other end of the phone that he was being paged. This is never good, and will require a bit of privacy you see.

The Superdaddyman took the phone out onto the front porch of the Casa Di Evils’s to listen to a long incoherent rant about how he has taught the evils’s to disrespect her. Superdaddyman has learned to let her get it all ut of her system while he gives her the yup yups {trick he learned from Lazius Boycrazius as a matter of fact} and then when she gets sick of arguing with herself she will usually give a pause for the Superdaddyman to interject something that has a 14% chance of getting through. Speaking out of place brings the chances down a bit to 0%. She really was letting him have it pretty good too because her voice was actually changing tones, or so he thinks he remembers it, but when the pause came up the Superdaddyman was poised with his short and concise point that he was going to try to get across before the screaming started again. “You only talk to them once a month for about 15 minutes and it is all about something frivolous you did, and they tend to want to tell you about themselves and you never have time for that,” and she was off again!

It’s rather sad that she will never see it actually but she will never see it actually. The Superdaddyman did give her about 5 years to try to grasp the concept of being a parent and she at this point is simply losing the years that she has left to be one. Lazius Boycrazius has had to deal with becoming a teenager without the benefit of a mother and the concept caught on quickly and there was nothing that the Superdaddyman was going to do to make it any better on her. Two psychiatrists now have both told the Superdaddyman that it will do nobody any good to continue to try unfortunately and the only learning process that anyone can hope from that is that she will at least take the opportunity to use her mother as a negative power of example. It still makes the Superdaddyman sad to see it, but it also makes him a bit more at ease knowing that Lazius Boycrazius is figuring these things out on her own and perhaps has a better defense mechanism than even the Superdaddyman because she simply closed it down instead of fighting it out with her now. It’s not exactly healthy but it isn’t exactly sick either.

On a lighter note the other “Mother” could be listed as “Mutha” called her son {by birthright and not by choice} after the evils’s had gone to bed. This is never a good scene as the Superdaddyman wasn’t exactly blessed with a wonderful woman to call “mother” either and many a blog entry has been dedicated to how he feels about her and quite frankly was NOT happy when GTIY brought the phone down to him either. “So how are you doing, are you getting any writing done? I found one of your articles on the internet and I was so proud of you!” was how the conversation opened up which was a definite shock to the Superdaddyman’s system and totally caught him off guard even. About 20 minutes he had lost all track of time as he was telling her about the three novels and two screenplays that he had been working on. Again she rather floored him as she listened rather intently to what he was saying and even interjected a good pointer here and there, as she already is an established writer.

It wasn’t until the Superdaddyman had been prattling on about himself for that whole 20 minutes that he thought to ask her how she is doing, and she responded by saying, “I’m doing good, I’m happy that my son has turned into a fine man, a good father and a wonderful artist of many talents, so that is all I could ever hope for on Mother’s Day,” which just about made the Superdaddyman speechless. Rather than asking her questions about her medications or some other passive aggressive comments that he usually would interject during a moment like this he managed to just say thank you. What he spent the rest of the night thinking about though realistically is that there might still be hope for the evils’s and their mother, but it just might take another 23 years. ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest