Monday, May 28, 2007

MAP Trek III - The Search for Shytter! - Part 2

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When last we met our brave young space hero Crowsis had just found his world yet again under attack by Darth Mad Shitter, and his world was being invaded by the many other nemesis that plague Deep Space Pink Mafia. You may remember the guidance of his Kaipod Owly Wahn Kayummy to “Use the Force” which loosely translated into Planet Oz terminology mean “Fuck with their heads” and Crowsis looks to her guidance in the art of evilling during times like this. It really shouldn’t be too hard as the Idiotan culture around PMHQ allows for the easy beguiling of it’s inhabitants, but the plan went sort of like this.

Crowsis used his cunning ability to stare someone in the face and feed them a line of shit for the betterment of all to pull off the deed. This is a tactic that one learns when his mother is a failed soap opera diva back on the home planet of Disfunxia! He of course started at the most feeble areas of the space station where all of the stoned “under twenties” spent most of their time because they would be the most easily swayed with simple Jedi Mind tricks. “Yeah so they have finally taken samples of the shit and are doing DNA testing on it and matching it up with all of the random drug screening samples,” which of course struck home with these inhabitants as they had already forgotten who stayed strait for that month to supply all the samples.

The looks of abstract terror on all the younger Idiotans as they were convinced one by one that Darth Shitter was going to be found out through the use of science {not their best subject} had most of them chattering amongst themselves. They were probably most terrified that there would be another round of random drug screenings and they had no time to prepare for them at all! This made it easier for Crowsis to simply allow the cancer of gossip to do its evil little job throughout the space station, and hopefully find its way to the real Darth Mad Shitter and perhaps force him to give himself away. The fact that he now had 20 space junkies searching for his ass because they think he has sunk them should go a long way too. One could only assume that anyone that smears their own feces all over everything probably is a bit more feeble minded then most, but then again the tale has been told of those that simply put their own hands in it afterwards, and never appear to learn either. It appears to be a real Darwin project out here in Deep Space after all.

Throughout more transmissions {powered by Nextel} with Owly Wahn Kayummy Crowsis was able to watch from afar as the evil plot took its grip on everyone. Simply entering the Promenade while a bunch of Idiotans were congregating would create instantaneous silence that showed that the plan was appearing to spread through osmosis. One would actually start assuming that there has been a gang of Darth Mad Shitters in a form of “Monkey See Monkey Do” by the way several people simply couldn’t maintain eye contact on the Space Station today. Again the fear of another round of random drug screenings aside, Grand Nehgis George {who should have known better as he would have been told by the Station authorities personally} started getting into the act himself as he started entering rooms by loudly proclaiming “Well it won’t be long now boys before we have that shit smearing bastard!”

Along those lines it started getting rather late in the day by the time Crowsis had the entire Station talking about DNA tests on shit but it happened and people were finally starting to approach Crowsis to ask him if it was true or not. He stood his ground and used “The Force” with all of the skill and cunning he could muster throughout the entire day, until it was simply common knowledge throughout the Idiotan community. Of course as the buzz went throughout the Space Station there appeared to be one person that it didn’t effect as much as everyone else, and that would be Darth Mad Shitter because the evidence never did start coming forth as to who the person actually was. The Dark Side of the Force was strong in whomever it is, let me tell you! Of course it could actually be someone on the other shift like the evidence always led to but heaven forbid that the facts get in the way of a great plan to Crowsis anyway! Just watching all the junkies around here walking around all paranoid was reward enough for our renegade space cowboy anyway. By the time the upper management … um … Space Overlords went around with the true information Crowsis would be long gone in the Starship Ford Focus anyway, and thanks to the power of “The Long Weekend” most of these guys will have forgotten that they had been lab rats all day.

Of course the last laugh is rarely owned by Crowsis as he finds himself decontaminating the “Throne Room” several more times throughout the last leg of the day for the Deep Space Septic System doesn’t ever appear to work this time of year, and more of the water from the space urinals end up on the floor then down the drain. The fact that Idiotans like to play in floor water while Crowsis tries to sop it up doesn’t help either, but also makes him feel more content in treating them like Lab Rats. Should he ever actually find out who Darth Mad Shitter is then he will be using him to mop up the floor despite his amazing Jedi Training, but as he is doing it he will use a lot of Force. ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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