Thursday, April 19, 2007

Superdaddyman Takes On Jeremy Crow - Volume 5

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It was a strange time for our favorite super hero Superdaddyman to have to make a hostage swap, as well as a very strange location as well, but today boys and girls we find the Caped Pervader making one of his famous appearances at Evil Southern Command {School} to take custody of the diabolical genius known as Captain ADHD. It was to be a mild prisoner exchange as the Superdaddyman was left in charge of delivering this young criminal into his deprogramming authority {Psychiatrist} for more exploration into what makes this little terrorist tick. More time of course should be spent on trying to recreate it and sell it in cans like Red Bull and make millions of dollars but we digress a bit as the State told us that was not OK. Stealthily the Superdaddyman sneaks inside the detention facility almost undetected except for the meddlesome operative known as “The Guidance Councilor” who figured now was as good a time as any to hold out the laundry list of complaints for the Superdaddyman to skim over and acknowledge. One of these days he may even read it, but it has gotten old and tired at this point.

The exchange is made and now the Superdaddymobile bounds down the roadways with a pinball named Captain ADHD rattling around in the back. This is not going to be an easy mission for our brave, young {cough cough} super hero as he has since learned that his new cholesterol medication that the operative known as “Whoa” slipped to him has a rather unusual side effect. This side effect is usually only talked about in the commercials for the little green pills and the Superdaddyman is quite sure it is only to get men to want the medication more, but is now here to tell you that YOU SHOULDN'T! This problem that tends to make your jeans really uncomfortable for about 4 hours at a whack happens to also make it hard to stand up when you have been sitting down also. Needless to say that sitting with the operative known as “The Shrink” makes this even more difficult as she has about 5 feet of legs and always clad in nylon and barely anything else. It really was the first time that Superdaddyman drove down the road praying for a nice conservative pantsuit on a woman, but never fear boys and girls this is just a passing fad!

Today of course was not to be the day on that front as she was wearing a skirt that might have better fit Imtoocutus than her and her incredibly sheer red nylons even had the little seam up the back. The only thing that managed to get the Superdaddyman into his seat without too much pain was the fact that she was wearing a pair of conservative pumps as apposed to the spaghetti strap numbers that she usually does which might have made it impossible to even get close enough to shake hands. Superdaddyman safely seated in his usual corner of the office was now safe to allow his jeans to get uncomfortable, and pray that his face didn't get red. If it did she, at the very least had the decency to not let on that it had as she was talking to the diabolical Captain ADHD. The Superdaddyman very keenly placed his jacket {that he brought with him for he knew what was going to happen so even if the pain of standing up is blinding the embarrassment should be minimal} on his lap and did everything he possibly could to not enjoy the scenery. Oh the marvelous scenery going unexamined, it should be a crime!

A series of personal questions followed as “The Shrink” asked Superdaddyman the stereotypical home life questions. “Has the mother been around”, “Have you had any romantic interests over that the children might have been introduced to”, “How are you interacting with the children”, “Do you have any work stresses”, etc etc etc. This of course leads Superdaddyman to come strait to the obvious conclusion that the poor woman is desperately yearning for him, but like any noble crime fighter he must remain aloof for the good of Megalopolis! If people only knew the sacrifices that the Superdaddyman must endure {especially if they saw this pair of legs ... oh boy} but that is what separates the super heroes from the mere mortals after all! Superdaddyman the crime fighter, as always ever vigilant to atone for the sins of when he was a super villain and creating the very chaos that the fiendish Captain ADHD has brought to an art form. The good news of course is that after the Superdaddyman answers all of her desperate pleas to entice him he is then free to go out in the waiting room {after of course using every bit of strength he has to simply limp to the bathroom for a spatial adjustment in the jeans} and the safety of being away from such beguiling influences.

Now the wait in the waiting room was occupied by various woman’s magazines that were laying around. Superdaddyman after all has to brush up on his cholesterol lowering recipes, so we shall file that under the “research” section of the Superdaddybrain at this time. The other patients were wandering in and out of the waiting room, so Superdaddyman of course was playing his favorite waiting room game of “Name That Malady” which is a game that he personally plays no matter where he is, but in this case he happens to have insight. The first one who walked in was the person with insomnia. You can tell those by the fact that they can almost never stay awake nor doze off for more than two minutes at a whack while they are in here. This was then followed by the paranoid one, and I probably don't have to tell you about their behavior patterns. It's rare but sometimes you get one in that is suffering from nymphomania but they rarely are worth looking at either no matter how badly they are trying to get your attention. Regardless it's rather boring sitting in a waiting room when there is crime to be fought elsewhere. Then again it's hard to fight crime with the insidiousness of this new weapon too dangerous for most safely hidden under the jacket.

When the diabolical Captain ADHD was released into the waiting area the click click click of heels was coming in behind him, which on any other day would be a wonderfully welcome sound by the Superdaddyman but on this day was just a part of that cruel joke God created called “Operation Get the Daddyman” {OGD} and she asked to see the Superdaddyman for a minute alone. Of course the low funky bass starts playing in the Superdaddyman's head as he follows her legs .. um .. ass … wait um … ok change the subject … as he walks into her office. “I am thinking that the new medication is working excellent for Captain ADHD and I am thinking that we only need to meet every 3 months now to take a look at his blood levels and catch up,” she said and then added, “Since he is no longer on stimulants I can give prescriptions with refills so you don't even need to come in to get those anymore,” and then she gave a little grin at the Superdaddyman's acknowledgment. How can you blame the Superdaddyman for just going along with it since it is just so amazingly obvious that the poor thing is having such a hard time controlling her self around him? The absolute least that the Superdaddyman can do is make it all easier on her as this sort of thing happens to most women when they get around such a striking super hero and all. Who can really blame her?

Captain ADHD took the news of not seeing the Shrink a lot better than he took the news of his holding cell still being underneath two inches of water, and having to remain in the pink and purple cell of Imtoocutus a little longer. It's been a real nightmare for the Superdaddyman just to keep the evils's from playing in the water down in the Superdaddycave, much less deal with the social disorder of having to move the diabolical mastermind of TOKE {The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils's} into such closer proximity of the other two amazingly evil freaks. It's like when you try to mix oil and water in a jar, it just doesn't work and the sanity is starting to drain from the Casa Di Evils's regardless of any measures taken to stop the fighting all day now upstairs without a way to separate them all. At the very least when the Superdaddyman finally gets the lower levels of the Casa dry he will have a new found appreciation for what little he actually has when he has it, but as always it will just somehow cause another wrinkle in the fabric of sanity we are sure. ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest