Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Musical Methadone & Mental Masterbation - Volume 22

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It was a cold and gloomy day as the rain fell hard on the streets of Megalopolis, with no end in sight as the weatherman on the local radio station had just proclaimed this weather to be the norm until at least the weekend. It was not good news for everyone's favorite super villain turned super hero, the Caped Pervader, the Man with No Plan, Virginity Defender, Keeper of the Secrets of the Pink Mafia, and Defender of the Evils's, Superdaddyman! As many of his tasks at hand keeping ever diligent of the dreaded Pink Mafia, while disguised carefully as his alter ego {that blithering idiot Jeremy Crow} Superdaddyman has to clean the floors of Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} so as to not blow his deep cover. Gloomy rain and nastiness after a disgusting winter is not his friend. He is after all in a better position to keep an eye on the very top echelon of the fiends that actually control the Pink Mafia though with a mop in hand since the sheer stupidity of his Jeremy Crow disguise makes him appear harmless to those that would talk about the heinous evil that they would perpetrate in the common areas of PMHQ.

As any other day there are the tasks at hand as well as the need to eliminate the musical issues that plague the Superdaddyman’s mind. ADHD and the ability to be easily amused today has “Screams break the silence .. Waking from the dead of night .. Vengeance is boiling .. He’s returned to kill the light .. Then when he’s found who he’s looking for .. Listen in awe and you’ll hear him .. Bark at the moon” locked dead in our fearless defenders head since right before the horrible news of the weather had broken into the brainwashing of that song. Methadone has not come to easily yet as the Superdaddyman is still desperately trying to acquire information as it is being carelessly spread between mopping. “Years spent in torment .. Buried in a nameless grave .. Now he has risen .. Miracles would have to save .. Those that this beast is looking for .. Listen in awe and you’ll hear him .. Bark at the moon!” comes from the Superdaddyman’s lips so horribly off tune that it also adds to the Jeremy Crow persona of simpering idiocy, and disguises him all that much more.

Now unfortunately there is another problem that happens throughout the attempts to actually clean the floors as Pink Mafioso’s have never been known for their social graces and simply trod more mud on a floor that is already wet from mopping. A quick view over towards the door reveals that indeed the cleanest part of the entire PMHQ is that huge black industrial mat that is made to do something called “wiping your feet” but as always it must be some sort of Chinese custom that just hasn't taken off yet in Megalopolis. Plan two as usual is for the Superdaddyman to just stop actually paying attention to those that just trod on freshly mopped floors by accidentally {of course} slapping a few of them with the mop. He doesn't need to bore them with the details that it is the same mop and bucket of water that he used to clean up all of the “oopses” around the urinals first either now does he? "They cursed and buried him .. Along with shame .. And thought his timeless soul had gone .. In empty burning hell--unholy one .. But now hes returned to prove them wrong .. OH NO!"

With the secrets of the most inane of the Pink Mafia safely tucked away in the mind of the Superdaddyman he has merely to go about the rest of his cleaning responsibilities with the usual lack of verve. “Bark at the Moon” had evolved into “Yesterday has been and gone .. Tomorrow will I find the sun .. Or will it rain? .. Everybody's having fun .. Except me I'm the lonely one .. I live in shame" {and even the most die hard of Ozzy fans has to admit that that is no way to spend a day. “I said Goodbye to romance, Yeah! .. Goodbye to friends, I'll tell ya!! .. Goodbye to all the past .. I guess that we'll meet, .. We'll meet in the end,” which is hideous enough on it’s own without someone singing it at the top of their lungs poorly while using a piss soaked mop as his microphone! Fortunately for the great people of Megalopolis and the not so great people of the Pink Mafia, the Superdaddyman was able to route that song over rather quickly! “You take great pride in never having lived up to anything .. Lie, steal, cheat and kill, a real bad guy .. Your daddy is a wino, and your mommy is quite insane .. From alter boy to sewer rat, you don’t give a damn .. Your sister is a junkie, gets it any way she can .. Your brothers a gay singer in a stud leather band .. Your girlfriends got herpes to go with your hep and aids .. There ain’t one person you know you ain’t ripped off yet!" The looks on everyone’s face as they stare at the Superdaddyman walking by would force one to think that there just aren’t many Megadeth fans in the PMHQ, but there is no accounting for taste after all!

With the common areas of PMHQ getting trashed as quickly as it had been decontaminated the Superdaddyman decided to start patrolling the grounds around the smoke shack. “If you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says .. 15 miles to the ... Love Shack! Love shack yeah .. I'm headin' down the Atlanta highway, lookin' for the love getaway .. Heading for the love getaway, love getaway .. I got me a car, it's as big as a whale and we're headin' on down .. To the love shack!” Damnit! That is going to be hard to get out of the old Superdaddynoodle {the big one you perverts} which of course assisted him in walking in on one of the most peculiar of conversations. A few of the Pink Mafia underlings were having a conversation about what kind of caskets they are going to have at their funerals. Don't try to figure out why, this place just seems to have that effect on people like a Klingon wedding. Superdaddyman, seizing a perfect opportunity to commit a random act of random pipes right up, “I'm going to get my casket totally encased in this shit that we make here,” but as we all know it is the need for a perfectly strait face to pull off phase two of any good act of random. Of course someone finally did take the bait as it was apparently killing them to get to the conclusion of it all and asked why the Superdaddyman wanted a coffin totally encased in asphalt under layments for the love of God.

Now it is equally as hard to do the strait face when throwing out the blow after the fact even when you have been perfectly set up for it, and that is why he is the Superdaddyman and you are all simply his adoring fans. The timing couldn't have been more perfect either as he put out his cigarette {um ... which he only smokes to ... um ... get into the part of infiltration … yeah that’s it … um ... good girls and boys never smoke} and starts heading to the door while saying perfectly clearly, “Because I am going to have you losers as my pall bearers and I want to leave you all with raging hernias, trying to haul around my dead ass.” Bang! The silence behind the Superdaddyman as he continued back into PMHQ was perfect, so we will say that random had been accomplished. Score another one for the Daddyman! “Corrosive .. Tainted by my sin .. I'm spilling blood .. And I can hardly contain it .. Corrosive .. Hallowing the hand .. Stiffened I eat away .. Eat .. Eat into the surface .. Yeah you push it .. Explosive .. More violent more violent .. All consuming throbbing .. Strait to the circle .. Explosive .. Move on reaction .. I slow it down I slow it .. Down, down, down, down .. Yeah, you push it!” As we all know if you can walk away from a good randoming with Static X playing as you ride off into the sunset, then you have done well. Master Yoda would be so proud ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest