Thursday, April 26, 2007

Musical Methadone & Mental Masterbation - Volume 24

Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at www.jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines or check out my galleries at CherryTap

It was a much chillier day then what we had become accustomed to lately throughout the streets of Megalopolis and it only served to add to the gloom that everyone's favorite super villain turned super hero Superdaddyman was to face as he entered the realm of the dreaded Pink Mafia this morning. That idiot on the radio had managed to cram “City Nights .. Summer breeze makes you feel alright .. Neon-lights .. Shining brightly make you brain ignite .. See the girls with the dresses so tight .. Give you love, if the price is right .. Black or white .. In the streets there's no wrong and no right” and aside from that it hadn't been that bad on him this week thus far as he has been in control of things around here for the most part as DaBoss had been out on a super secret mission of his own all week. The mission so secret that nobody even knew about it until they had entered the Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} on Monday morning to find a company e-mail describing the exodus. It was also given over to all that the simpering idiot Jeremy Crow {the alter ego of your favorite super hero boys and girls} was placed in charge of the operation as he appeared to hate everyone equally. The worst thing that ever happens when DaBoss leaves is usually the cronyism that follows and makes everything run horrible, and this was simply a new twist on it all.

Of course what never even crossed the mind of DaBoss {and why should it? He obviously is not a famous super hero thus carrying the penultimate intellect like the Superdaddyman} was that the man that hates everyone might happen to have those that he hates just a little bit more than the rest. To those innocent bystanders with a score card, they would be referenced as the people that often liked to point out what ISN’T their job throughout the week. “Outasite .. Buy your kicks from the man in the white .. Feels alright .. Powder pleasure in your nose tonight .. See the men pain their faces and cry .. Like some girl, it makes you wonder why .. City life .. Sure is cool, but it cuts like a knife, it's your life!” Most importantly of what WASN'T their jobs was cleaning up after themselves. In life there is an old saying that “Those with long memories make bad witnesses” and the Superdaddyman happens to have one of the longest memories in the history of mankind. Needless to say upon the great news being brought to our favorite Superheroes attention that he was now DaBoss he immediately went about the business of finding those that would do his “normal” duties while he was doing important things, like playing on the internet and practicing the “sky hook” on the recycle bin next to the desk. “So forget all that you see .. It's not reality, it's just a fantasy .. Can't you see what this crazy life is doing to me!”

The first of course was the guy that often liked to just rinse out his cup everyday at the water cooler and then toss the water on the floor. “Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life .. Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life!” The first time he brought it to the attention of the Superdaddyman that it would give him something to do, the Superdaddyman found something to do at the pond out back and the result of such was a brand new crayfish in his cup everyday until he at least had the decency to hide his slovenly behavior. “Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life .. Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life!” This also happens to be the person that does nothing but drink beer all day so most of us are convinced that he is the one that sprays liquid shit all up the back of the toilet whenever he goes in the bathroom, so he was the first one handed the magic toilet sceptre. Despite his protestation to have to do something that wasn't “his job” you can bet your ass that the Superdaddyman walked into that bathroom later on to see him doing “his new job” after King George pointed out to him that he had no choice. “Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life .. Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life!” This might teach him the benefits of putting something other than barley and hops in his damn system as well. Here's to dietary health! “Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life .. Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life!”

Next the Superdaddyman found himself at the location of a criminal mind that we shall call “The Hamster” and ready to deal out more chores. You see “The Hamster” was so aptly named because we have all caught him violently grabbing at the toilet paper and tearing off little shreds of it about a million times before he finally grabs enough to wipe his fat ass. All of the little toilet paper shreds are then tossed on the floor as opposed to just tossing it in the toilet where toilet paper usually goes for most humans. The pile then ends up making a hamster bed in the corner the second someone opens the door and grows throughout the day as he tends to sit on the can about 20 times a day at least. “City Nights .. Summer breeze makes you feel alright .. Neon-lights .. Shining brightly make you brain ignite .. See the girls with the dresses so tight .. Give you love, if the price is right .. Black or white .. In the streets there's no wrong and no right” This is further complicated by the fact that between him and a few other people that get far too much fiber in their diets the toilet ends up getting clogged {once by him dropping a screwdriver in their from his back pocket, shitting on it and then flushing it rather than doing something about it} and after the toilet floods it gets about 6 pounds of soppy toilet paper all around the toilet. He was told immediately that when the toilet floods he will be alerted to deal with it. The Superdaddyman's only regret is that in the last 3 days that toilet has only overflowed 7 times and not for a lack of trying! “Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life .. Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life!” {Fucking Aldo Nova!}

It took about three days for the full scale rebellion to actually form and as the Superdaddyman walked into the dump today he notes that it is day four and the place looks like a disaster area. This does not amuse our favorite super hero in the least so the first thing he does is get on the PA system and page the two impromptu janitors to the break room. He pages again, and then the Superdaddyphone {powered by Nextel} squawks from his hip, and he hears the voice of King George say “They called in sick today” which again made Superdaddyman think that they were cowards. “Outasite .. Buy your kicks from the man in the white .. Feels alright .. Powder pleasure in your nose tonight .. See the men pain their faces and cry .. Like some girl, it makes you wonder why .. City life .. Sure is cool, but it cuts like a knife, it's your life!” Rather than try to find new .. um ... volunteers ... the Superdaddyman simply started cleaning everything himself because it appeared to be left unchecked the start of a really bad week for him next week if he didn't. There is no joy in cleaning bathrooms in a white mock and your best jeans but you have to do what you have to do as the Superdaddyman always says. “Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life .. Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life!” {Ugh! That song never actually ends on the fucking radio either!}

It has been an interesting lesson in tedium as the Superdaddyman has been doing such wonderful tasks as “ordering things” and “delegating tasks” which doesn't actually bode well with this super hero in the least. His greatest downfall being the savior of Megalopolis from not only the Pink Mafia but the Evils's as well is that he gets rather frustrated by stupidity easily and thus ends up doing things himself to simply get them done without an ulcer. We're not going to assume that DaBoss actually knows how to do most of the tasks that the Superdaddyman is going mental trying to get other people to do, but throwing in the ability to find people capable of doing anything can be daunting on the best days. “Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life .. Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life!” {Oh God … Please Kill Aldo Nova or me … you choose!!}

Initiative may not actually be a trait that is born into everyone after all. Mix into it the fact that the Superdaddyman finds himself incapable of dealing with phone calls from other crime organizations {vendors} that are trying to screw the Pink Mafia just like they are trying to screw others is enough to make him go bald. It was when one of the other morons that constantly makes the Superdaddyman want to bring guns to work walked by and told him that the other toilet in the mechanics area was stopped up that the Superdaddyman remembered something really important. Who cares if they know what they are doing, they can keep doing it over and over again all day for all he cares. Then he told the dumbass where the plunger and rubber gloves are … He’s going to need them. Oh actually that worked! Evil music courtesy of Static-X begins … “go! .. corrosive tainted by my sin .. i'm spilling blood and i can hardly contain it .. corrosive hallowing the hand .. stiffened i eat away .. eat, eat into the surface .. yeah, you push it .. yeah, you push it .. yeah, you push it .. you, you push it .. you, you push it .. you, you push it!” ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest