Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 27

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It's big evil in little Casa again as everyone's favorite super villain turned super hero, Superdaddyman is forced to deal with another onslaught from his greatest nemesis organization, the Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils's {TOKE} but with a bit of a twist this time. As fragmented as the unit of evil can be most of the time, there are often those times when the leadership of the organization goes into a bit of a flux and they all can be on the same page. Usually the oldest of the bunch Lazius Boycrazius {aka, Big Evil, aka The Enforcer, aka The Muscle} tries to assume that she is in control of the unit, and will join forces with Imtoocutus {aka Little Evil, aka The Over Spoken One, aka The Baby} who is the sanity breaker, in a bid to take out Captain ADHD {aka Middle Evil, aka The Brains, aka Crack Boy} which for the most part usually keeps them all occupied enough for Superdaddyman to foil their plots from within. Today was not to be one of those days as unfortunately Lazius Boycrazius went strait to the brains of the operation to foil the plans that Superdaddyman had to get any work done. They are usually quite adept at this on their own but on these rare occasions nothing good will come of this at all.

It actually was a tale of 3 sentences in all reality and the brain power to dismantle any thoughts that Superdaddyman would have to keep his usually low level of control on the situations that caused this calamity. Lazius Boycrazius had been sentenced to a lifetime of never having internet access based on her inability to clean her room or do her homework, and Captain ADHD had been sentenced to a week of being without his computer for failure to be allowed on the school bus. The Superdaddyman had finally foiled Captain ADHD's ability to get past any sort of blocks that he had installed on the computer in his cell by making the entire internet connections wireless through the USB connectors so that the adapters could simply be removed and hidden. He had also made sure that each computer had a different brand so that you couldn't just steal your sibling’s adapter when yours got taken away. Superdaddyman was still rather proud of himself for that one, when he realized that the boy does actually spend every waking moment of every day trying to foil anything that the Superdaddyman does after all! These ways of working things were also adjusted so that Superdaddyman could keep an eye on Captain ADHD by putting his bedroom next to the Superdaddycave, and that Lazius Boycrazius did not let Captain ADHD into her room anyway.

Now in his defense Superdaddyman has been a bit tired lately and it was a long winter health wise, but it doesn't excuse the fact that he had ignored Superdaddyman Golden Rule To Wild Animal Training {GRWAT} Number 1 which states “If they are getting along really well, it's because they are plotting against YOU!” Superdaddyman had simply assumed that they were upstairs playing so nicely together because they were both really bored and it would come to an end soon enough so just let it ride. This simple error in judgment should have been reassessed at some point or another throughout the two or so hours that they had actually been remarkably quiet upstairs for Superdaddyman was now violating GRWAT Number 2 which clearly states “If they are being really quiet, it's because they are plotting against YOU!” It then led us to GRWAT Number 3 as Imtoocutus came downstairs leading with “Daddy?” which once she was acknowledged she said “Um ... I love you” which is secret code for “Leave them alone plotting against you long enough and the little one will tattle on them!” Needless to say the Caped Pervader totally ignored all of these warning signs like a drunk driver on the Autobahn and this led us to dinner time.

Now of course when the general population is let out to eat with the rest of the troops, there usually is a bit of a “sanity battle” that goes on as they all refuse to eat because it is the perfect opportunity to babble incoherently and loudly when they have an enslaved audience. GRWAT Number 4 clearly states that “If they are eating faster than you are, it's because the final piece of the plotting against YOU is complete and they want to implement it while you are busy eating!” Superdaddyman finally caught on at this point because it was after all the first time in about 2 years he had sat at this table and not wished that a gigundous asteroid would fall out of the sky and crush him. Some things are just way to obvious and at this point it was so easy to read that even that total simpleton Jeremy Crow could have seen it coming. Once the two of them had run up the stairs to do whatever fiendish thing they had been planning it became obvious that they had recruited the little one for she immediately spoke up “Daddy?” and upon a quick acknowledgement “Um … I love you” which in this instance is Imtoocutus speak for “I’m running a cover!”

So without hesitation the Superdaddyman charged up the stairs with the agility of a cat {a very fat cat, missing a leg and extremely clumsy} and perched outside the lair of the ridiculously evil Lazius Boycrazius, and he was able to make out the faint giggling of the two of them as they were perpetrating evil! Barging in the door he just about gave the two of them a heart attack, as he noted first of all that the internet adapter from captain ADHD’s computer was attached to Lazius Boycrazius’s computer! On the screen was a copy of Konqueror with 15 tabs open. The little bastard had installed Linux on her computer so that he could run his own router adapter! Of course the Superdaddyman stood there not exactly knowing what to say now as he couldn’t have written a driver to make that adapter work on Linux, so he had to think up how it was done so that he could ream the boy properly. It sounded sort of like this “What in the name of God are you doing????”

Now the problem with being an 8 year old criminal mastermind that is probably the smartest person in the house {and who knew that this REALLY IS how the criminals in comic books operate despite the stereotypes} is that you are compelled to explain the evil you have done just so that the lower level audience can sit there stunned and be impressed. Captain ADHD didn’t hesitate for a moment to blurt it all right out, right down to the point where most bad guys would have said “and I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids!!!” He just turned around in the chair like a bad scene from Austin Powers and started, “Well you see I got a copy of kanoppix” which the Superdaddyman pointed out it was pronounced Noppix just so he could feel like he knew something for a change, “and then I changed the driver from her adapter so that it could understand the extra bits in mine.” He then paused a moment to let us dummies in the room nod like we knew that all along and then continued, “then I made 20 MySpace accounts so that Lazius Boycrazius could tease some girl at school she hates from 20 people at once, but we can only get 15 windows running at the same time,” and with that he gave that menacing diabolical smile. Superdaddyman was impressed inside, but not amused outside.

Now with the mystery solved it was still up to the Superdaddyman to confiscate the other network adapter and then send Captain ADHD back down to his cell. Lazius Boycrazius had the audacity to actually stop the Superdaddyman on the way out of the room to point out that she needed the computer set back to Windows so that her Zune would be compatible with it again, and it was just the opportunity that the Superdaddyman was looking for. He turned to her and said, “Consider this a wonderful life lesson for you, in not only being devious, but also the two really important ones,” you could actually see the twinkle in the Superdaddyman’s eye, I can imagine as he noted, “First but not most important would be how much of a pain in the ass it truly is to reinstall all of your software and operating system onto a computer that has been reformatted to a different type of logical drive,” which Superdaddyman held up his hand before she could volley a slurry of questions about what he just said, “and far more importantly the second is how to clean your room finally because I guarantee you that the disks to do it are lost within all of this mess. Ya order crap you eat crap, but have a nice night,” which Superdaddyman did say with such a HUGE smile on his face as he left the room ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest