Sunday, April 1, 2007

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 26

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Well it was a fine day in the metropolitan Megalopolis area as everyone’s favorite super villain turned super hero, the Caped Pervader himself Superdaddyman had sent the evil brood off to spend quality time with the other half of their lives. It was some super secret meeting of the Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s that they had code named “Birthday Party” and the Superdaddyman simply allowed them free access to it in the hopes that he could catch up on some important research {looking at porn on the internet} that he has been falling behind on! The stage was set as the prisoner transport {powered by Oldsmobile} showed up with their northern warden {former sister in law} to be taken to Maine {people’s republic of … } for their cousin’s “supposed” party, but we know better!

The Superdaddyphone had been ringing off the hook all day despite the silence that was supposed to befall our favorite young {cough cough} hero through lack of Defender of the Evils’s duties, and on the other end was Lazius Boycrazius trying to give Superdaddyman updates on The Mother of all the Evils’s. It appeared to Superdaddyman that the already tentative peace negotiations that he had worked out between these two diabolical masterminds of misgivings had since fragmented. This being the first time they had been around each other since the Superdaddyman had worked it out at the Disfuncionalville Peace Summits {DPS} would lead you to believe that they are breaking down right on schedule. Who would think that a worthless bag of crap mother who never visits her kids without making it a nightmare on everyone else and her 14 year old daughter would start fighting all the time? Call in Doctor Freud because I think we have an un-researched case here!

It didn’t start getting really bad on the Superdaddyman until the aunt started calling to point out to the Caped Pervader that Lazius Boycrazius is quite a bit larger than The Mother of all the Evils’s these days and everyone is starting to notice that except of course The Mother of all the Evils’s! She also wanted to point out that she is walking around making everyone feel awful as she rants about how she is going to get custody back because the Superdaddyman is a bad father. This doesn’t exactly bode well for her safety as Lazius Boycrazius is starting to want to shut her up really badly. Imtoocutus apparently has decided that she doesn’t want to be hugged by her anymore either, which appears to be leading to rants about how the Superdaddyman is brainwashing them. Of course eyewitness testimony {Lazius Boycrazius} stated that it all appeared to start happening around the time that she started her first rants. Did anyone ever mention that The Mother of all the Evils’s has only one volume {LOUD!} as well?

Now pointing out to anyone involved that inviting her to these things ALWAYS gets these results has no effect like it always has, so the Superdaddyman finally relented and fired up the Superdaddymobile to make the hour and a half long trek out to take possession of the hostages. Not a bad trip actually, as Octane 20 was doing a KoRn marathon. The interesting things happened when the Superdaddyman arrived on the scene for he was no more than half way to the front door when it burst open and three screaming evils’s all covered in mud came running out and jumped right into the Superdaddymobile. The Superdaddyman quipped as the evils’s aunt came outside “Well you appear to have finally made the only place that the Evils’s want to be less then home, congratulations,” and he stood there looking at a woman that probably was going to start crying any moment. He added, “Hold on, let me turn on the Disney radio for them and then I will come in for a few minutes and see if I can clear some of this up.”

After the aunt shooed the rest of the kids outside it was Superdaddyman’s cue to take the podium, but not before he stopped all of the adults from escaping because he wanted the entire audience in on this one. The Mother of all the Evils’s was still ranting like a lunatic when the Superdaddyman finally said “Shut .. The Fuck .. Up!” and her boyfriend made a gesture like he was going to stand up but changed his mind rather quickly. “Let’s get one thing strait here, and this is for all of you, so listen pretty good. If you want to alienate your family and make them miserable, then that is your business because they created the monster that is YOU. Pile of cowards in here making my kids wish they never came here should be ashamed of yourselves!” the Superdaddyman very forcefully said. “You should just shut up, because the state of New Hampshire took all rights away from you because you are a bad mother, no more and no less. I worked out an agreement so that you can see them EVERY weekend and that was 4 months ago. You haven’t done it once, so that is enough, if your family wants to coddle your ego, then that is their business but your daughter knows the truth, so stop being mentally abusive to her.”

After a small break from any noise, the Superdaddyman decided to continue, “Don’t tell them that you are going to take them away because that is scary to them because they know what you are. You don’t pay child support, you don’t visit, and you just make them miserable. Feel free to change YOU and stop blaming everyone else,” and then he turned to the rest of the mob. “As for the rest of you, I am starting to wonder what is the matter with all of you that you can’t tell her to shut up and make me drive all this way out here to protect my kids, you all make me sick,” and that just about summed it up as the Superdaddyman turned around and walked out the door. The Superdaddymobile was hopping with happy Evils’s listening to 1985, and just looking forward to getting home. Even though it meant they were getting baths, and yes they even went and took their baths without any arguments the second they got inside.

It’s another morning at the Casa Di Evils’s where everyone woke up on their own, at normal wake up times, quite cheerful and ready to go to church. Superdaddyman was given a reprieve from actually having to bring them as he had dealt with all of that last weekend, and the education they got yesterday up north apparently has changed all of their attitudes for the better. It’s still rather troubling to know that one of the worst mothers on the face of the planet is the one you chose to make babies with, and another one is the one that chose to make you, but it is still nice to see that she finally is only her own worst enemy. The Evils’s went through a few years of hell trying to transition through the process of learning that their mother might not always have the best of intentions, but it isn’t their fault. It used to kill the Superdaddyman to see all of the rotten things that she would pull and how it damaged the evils’s but apparently they have started building their own immunity to it. ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest